I'm Back Right?
by iamtryN
Summary: Takes off where 6.11 Ends,AIS. Sammy returns, should be smooth sailing, right? Not likely... this is the Winchester world! Spoilers for 6.11. See how Sammy and Dean handle the aftermath of soul-less Sam...  my version of Sammy's return
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own supernatural… just the fleeting thoughts and all the plot bunnies I can catch.

**NOTE**: This story was written as a request from hotshow! We have bounced ideas back and forth so much we probably slowed down the site! (Smile) It was almost like a ping pong tournament. She is definitely my co-idea bouncer on this one! Hope you like! Thanks for all the reviewers of Here's to Hope, it was amazing! Also for the favs and alerts.

Chapter 1

Death stood as he silently closed his bag and gave a slight nod to Dean right before he disappeared. The air seemed to still as silence reigned except for the noise coming from the cot where Sammy lay breathing heavy; eyes clinched shut tight, his body rigid.

Dean sat down on the bed beside Sammy and touched his shoulder gently, giving it a slight squeeze. Dean could feel Sammy's muscles tighten up even more at his touch. Watching Sammy's face closely he could see he was crying silently, big fat tears falling down the side of his face. He felt Sammy try to curl up into a ball, pulling the restraints taunt. "Sammy?" Dean said softly, trying to soothe Sammy with just the sound of his voice and his touch.

Sammy jerked in response to Dean's use of his name almost like he hadn't heard his own name in a long time. That got Dean to wondering if that was not the case. Dean was confused by Sammy reaction when he moaned and his hands tangled in the sheets as he grabbed at them, turning his head away from Dean.

Dean had let that man hurt him, he wasn't sure why but he hadn't stopped him or the pain that followed. He didn't understand what was happening, it was almost felt like he was blind and couldn't navigate from room to room on his own, everything feeling heavy and foggy. Nothing having that familar feeling that he knew it should have.

Dean took his free hand and placed it on Sam's cheek, forcing him to face Dean's direction as he said gently, "Sammy… come on, little brother. I need you to look at me."

Sammy groaned as he started to shake, his body jerking slightly, reminiscent of the panic room days. The cot was actually making a grating squeaking noise from the increasing movement so much so that Dean was starting to worry it might collapse.

"Sammy? Are you cold?" Dean motioned for Bobby to come closer. He had been standing silent in the doorway. He had wanted to give Dean the time he needed with Sammy. Bobby grabbed a blanket from one of the cabinets when he saw how badly Sammy was shivering. Putting the blanket over Sam he then pulled out a small key.

Sammy opened his eyes to look Dean's direction. He blinked, everything was blurry. He blinked a couple more times, the blurriness didn't go away. It was like he couldn't make his eyes focus. His breathing hitched… _he was scared_… that feeling was a lingering one. The fear seemed to cling to him, not fading away. He didn't remember where he'd been. What had he been doing? He had memories bombarding him of things he knew he didn't do, _wouldn't do_. But he saw himself doing them. It was confusing. Had he been possessed again? What the hell? He tried to calm his breathing, but he _just couldn't breathe_, it felt as if someone was squeezing his chest, not allowing it to move at all.

Dean saw the panic Sam was experiencing. He rubbed Sam's cheek, "Sammy… its okay. You're safe. You're _with me now_. And Bobby. Just say _something _please."

Bobby was waiting handcuff key held in his sweaty palm while waiting for confirmation they had their Sammy back. The air in the panic room seemed to be frozen as they waited for some kind of response from Sammy.

"D." Sammy gasp out, closing his eyes once again, "Can't… you're… all blur… ry."

Dean laughed as Bobby unhandcuffed Sammy. "You don't need to see me to talk to me, bitch."

Sammy let more tears fall as he mumbled, tiredly, "Jerk." Falling asleep in a matter of seconds after responding to Dean. His body finally relaxing against the cot mattress.

Dean couldn't stop the tear sliding silently down his cheek as Bobby placed a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean glanced up at Bobby, causing Bobby himself to fight back tears.

Once again, Bobby thought Sammy wasn't the only one with those damn puppy dog eyes.

Dean waited by Sammy's side for him to wake back up while Bobby went upstairs to make sure Sammy's bed was ready in their room. Dean smiled, _he had Sammy back_. It hadn't been easy, but it was worth it, always. Dean sighed though because he knew this was far from over. _He knew Sammy_. He would be overwhelmed with guilt if he remembered anything that his body had been up to without him at the wheel. He was probably confused as well. Hell, he wasn't even sure himself how the body without the soul and nothing possessing it could even occur. Let alone run around doing its' own thing for over a year. So how could he explain it to Sammy?

Sammy moaned in his sleep, trying once again to curl into a ball. His defense mechanism ever since he was little. Protect as much as he could, make himself small, makes you safer. Not that his gigantic frame could ever be small again. It was funny how someone so large could sometimes be so fragile…_shit_… his mind was wandering again.

Dean gave a tiny smile while he instinctively rubbed Sammy's cheek as he leaned in to whisper to Sammy only, "I'm here brother. I've got you."

"No, not here… Dean done… threw away." Sammy mumbled, pushing Dean's hand away and trying to turn away from Dean's touch.

"What?" Dean asked, stilling instantly as he watched Sammy. What time was Sammy thinking he was in?

"Dean's gone… I broke it… gotta fix… trust… won't come…" Sammy was trying to move away. "hasn't… _he won't_… come." With that statement Sammy was crying in his sleep as he once again began to shake.

"Sammy, it's okay. I _am_ here. You fixed everything. _You did it little brother_. You saved the world. You stopped the battle. You took control. You saved us… Do you hear me?" Dean asked at the end of his praises of his Sammy. Dean was trying hard to ignore the guilt assaulting him at Sammy's simple words… _hasn't come_… It meant that even though Sammy had told him to go live the apple pie life _he had waited in hell _for his big brother to come to the rescue… god, _he was such a traitor _to his little brother. He'd given up and stayed in Lisa's safe world and let his brother rot… _never fucking again_. Tears ran down Dean's cheeks as he tried to contain the sobs by holding his hand over his mouth.

Sammy's hand jerked out and grabbed Dean's shirt front, pulling him towards Sammy, "D?" he asked as he continued to shake violently.

Dean took a couple of deep breaths, moving his hand from his mouth to touch Sammy's hand clinched in his shirt. "Yeah, bitch. It's really me. God, Sammy… I've missed you." Dean said as his eyes continued to rain down tears, trying to choke back the sob currently trying to escape. Pulling Sammy into a hug, he trapped Sammy's fist between them as he murmured, "I'm sorry I hurt you Sammy. I was hurt you picked a demon over me when I had only ever picked you." His thoughts went instantly to Lisa and Ben. So they were even he supposed because he'd picked them over Sammy. Guilt was assaulting him full force as he held his little brother.

Sammy sobbed harder as he slowly brought his free arm up to circle around Dean's back, mumbling, "D… I'm sorry… I'm sorry I hit you…"

Dean was afraid to ask which time… Was it at the motel before he left with Ruby to take down Lucifer or was it at Stull? Or knowing Sammy he could be talking about every time in his entire life. "It's okay… we made it through."

"How can you forgive me? After everything…." Sam sobbed out harder as he pushed Dean from him and tried to scramble away.

Dean made a grab for him as he started to fall off the other side of the cot. Pulling him back up against him, he wrapped one arm securely against Sammy's back and pushed his bangs out of his eyes with his other hand, "How can I _not forgive you_, Sambo?" Dean told Sammy simply with so much love in that question, not to mention the use of Dean's personal nickname for Sammy he hadn't used since Sammy was at least five that he had Sammy pulling back to stare at Dean.

"Was I possessed again?" He asked, biting his lip as he waited for Dean's response.

"What? No." Dean replied quickly.

Sammy immediately pulled away and scrambled off the other side of the cot and quickly backed himself into a corner, staring wildly at Dean.

Dean slowly stood and tilted his head to the side as he asked gently, "What's wrong, Sammy?"

Sammy was still shaking violently as his voice joined in with emotion as he asked, "If I haven't been possessed, why haven't you killed me yet?"

Dean jerked as his face took on the what the fuck are you talking about look when Dean starting to find it hard to breath he managed to gasp out, " What are you talking about? I just got you back… nobody is going to hurt you, I swear."

"Dean," Sam looked down as tears slid down his cheeks. His jerked his head up to stare at Dean as he heard him move towards him, "Stay where you are." Sammy demanded, holding out his hand in front of him.

"Sammy…" Dean pleaded as another tear slid down his cheek.

"_You said I wasn't possessed_…" Sammy got that I'm confused-don't understand-might puke look on his face as his voice rose in panic. It looked as if he was trying to push himself backwards through the wall. He was pressed as hard as he could back against the panic room walls the metal covered in the salt scratching at him as he lightly tapped his head back against the wall.

"Sammy, you weren't. Now don't freak…" Dean said holding out his hand as well before he continued, "The thing is… for a year… nobody was in charge of your body… except your body…" Dean's face took on a pained expression as he waited for this to sink in for Sammy.

Sammy shook his head as if to clear it, "I don't… what? How is that possible?" Sam's hand went up to rub his mouth, before he ran his hand up to push through his hair.

"I don't know Sammy. I don't understand it myself. I fixed it as soon as I could. As soon as I found out what was wrong." Dean said as he stepped closer to Sammy.

"Why did it go on for so long? Why… I…" Sammy couldn't comprehend this… it was too much, "So, my body did the things I'm remembering that _I wouldn't do_… there was no possession?"

"No, Sammy. _You_ weren't even in possession of your body." Dean said softly, trying for a calming tone.

"Oh, god." Sammy moaned as he sank to the floor. That meant he was deep down… past his soul - _evil_. Only something evil could do what he was remembering.

Dean rushed over and was on the floor pulling Sammy to him in seconds, "Sammy…" when he received no response, his fear ratcheted up several notches. He tried to look at Sammy's face but his bangs kept him from seeing his eyes. "Sammy." Dean tried again with the same lack of response. It was as if Sammy had simply shut down. "_Sammy, please, just talk to me_."

Dean could hear Bobby coming down the stairs so he yelled, "Bobby!"

Bobby pace hurried up as he stomped down the stairs, rushing into the room he skidded to a halt as he took in the scene, "What the hell happened?"

"He wanted to know if he'd been possessed. When I told him no, he freaked. Now he's freakin' catatonic." Dean looked at Bobby with those damn puppy dog eyes. "What do I do?"

Bobby glanced from Dean to Sam and back as he told him, leaning over to reach for Sammy, "Let's get him out of this room and back upstairs to your room. That might help. Being somewhere with happier times."

Dean jerked Sammy to him as he told Bobby in a panicked tone, "I got him."

Bobby sighed knowing the boys always reacted this way in panic mode, "I'm just going to help you get him out of this room and someplace more comfortable. Okay?" Then Bobby waited for Dean's reply before moving again.

Dean studied him then slowly nodded as he tried to stand pulling Sammy along with him.

Bobby silently helped as he took Sammy's other arm and they made their way upstairs.

Both Dean and Bobby were worried at Sammy's continued unresponsiveness.

After settling Sammy on his own bed upstairs, Bobby told Dean, "Why don't you lay down with him?" At Dean's funny look, Bobby went on to say, "You can sit on the bed with him, that way you can monitor his vitals."

Dean nodded as he climbed in beside Sammy, propping himself against the headboard as he pulled Sammy into his arms and began to murmur nonsense for Sammy alone.

Bobby left the room to make soup and sandwiches for the boys.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: Don't own the supernatural boys or… ya know. Not mine!

**NOTE**: Thank you so much: readers and reviewers! Love it! Also the favs and alerts!

Chapter 2

It happened just like Bobby figured it would, both boys were asleep when he returned upstairs so he sat down to watch their sixes while they slept. Hours later Dean turned his head towards Sammy as he snuggled Sammy closer to him, pressing his cheek into the mass of Sammy's hair.

Bobby waited for the inevitable as Dean twitched his nose in his sleep. While he waited he debated taking a picture with his cell phone. They both looked so innocent sleeping there and it reminded him of when they were kids. But maybe it wasn't worth Dean trying to kill him when he found out. Bobby smiled as his phone clicked when he took the picture, _Then again_… he thought with a smirk. Dean would so deny the snuggling with his baby brother so when the opportunity presented itself he would tease Dean with the evidence.

The inevitable came soon after he returned to his phone to his pocket… Dean's sneeze. The sneeze caused both boys to jerk in their sleep at the sudden noise. Sammy tried to pull away from Dean but Dean held on as he forced himself to awake fully.

"I'm back, right?" Sammy asked in a confused whisper as he blinked rapidly wondering fleetingly why he was being held by Dean; staring into his brother's eyes while he waited for Dean's answer, barely daring to breathe.

Dean smiled as he gave Sammy's shoulders a squeeze. "That's right, little brother, you're back with us."

"We missed ya boy." Bobby said with a smile finally getting his chance to talk to Sammy. He didn't know if anyone could understand but he was honored that even without a soul, Sammy thought of him as a father. The knife and blood sacrifice thing, _not so much_.

Sammy seemed to pale as he practically stopped breathing while he stared unblinking at Bobby. He clearly saw Bobby tied up with himself raising a knife to kill him. His eyes seemed to glaze over as he saw a hand grab his wrist to stop him; he remembered looking over to see that Dean had been the one to stop him. He started shaking… _he'd been willing to kill Bobby? Why? __**He was evil**__! That was the only answer, so why was he still here?_

"Why am I not dead?" He moaned aloud as he pulled out of Dean's arms and stumbled out of bed. He managed to dodge across the room, backing himself into the corner between the chest of drawers and the wall.

"What did I do to Bobby?" Looking wildly at Dean as he began to hyperventilate, "Tell me why?" Sammy demanded, silent tears running down his cheeks as he begged for an answer he could understand… _that made sense_.

Bobby stood as he told him sternly, "Boy, _**YOU **_did nothing to me. You never would."

Meanwhile Dean was making his way carefully to Sammy, trying to go slow so he wouldn't startle Sammy, when all he wanted to do was race over and grab his brother to him. He had a right to be clingy at the moment; it had been over a year since _his_ brother had been with him he justified to himself.

"Sammy we'll figure it all out… together. _You and me_, little brother. I know you're scared and confused right now. But you got us. We're here too." Dean made his way to Sammy, finally kneeling in front of his broken little brother.

Suddenly it was as if Sammy's vision just quit working right as everything blacked out for a moment before flickering back in to color, but just as quickly going blurry. Accompanying it was a pain that sliced through the middle of his forehead, it briefly reminded him of the migraines of before and then the pain took over, becoming all encompassing; he could no longer think, all he could do was feel the pain. He clutched at his head as he unknowingly cried out, willing the pain to go away as he struggled to right his tilting world. When he could hear and see blurry images again, Sammy realized that Dean held him by his cheeks, literally holding his head up as he tried to get him to look at him.

"Sammy, what's wrong? Look at me? _Talk to me_?" Dean demanded trying to catch his wandering eyes with his own gaze.

Sammy tried to focus on Dean as he mumbled; "Hurts…" then the trembling began again while he continued to blink rapidly, still trying to focus on his big brother.

"What hurts, Sammy? Come on, Sambo. Talk to me." Dean asked, frantic was more than becoming a distinct possibility.

"D… head… Can't make…" Sammy sighed as he continued, struggling to keep his eyes open, "my eyes… funny." then Sammy was out again, slumping forward into Dean's arms as he went completely limp.

Dean looked over his shoulder at Bobby, "Why is he passing out like this? It can't be normal. What about his head and eyes?" Dean asked as he pulled Sammy up and half carried, half dragged Sammy back to bed. Putting him back on his bed he sat down beside him to wait yet again.

"I honestly don't know, maybe his body is fighting giving up control? It's possible I guess. Or he has to get used to being in a body again? Dean, Sammy's is the first case like this I've every even _heard of_. There's just nothing out there on this kind of thing. Believe me I looked… I've read every book I own and I've made inquiries with all the old ones still in the business _nobody_ has heard of this sort of thing. Maybe we can ask Cas?" Bobby asked as he sat down on Dean's old bed.

"Hell, Bobby I don't even know how to explain this to him." Dean rubbed his mouth as he closed his eyes, wanting very much to calm down. This was beyond what he was equipped to handle. A tear slid down his cheek as he dropped his hand and looked at Bobby. His green eyes darkening as he stared, trying to figure what he should do while he rested his dangling hands over the end of his knees.

"One of us needs to stay with him until he figures out which way is up." Dean said finally after several minutes. "I just have to get him to believe that he wasn't responsible for any of this. I don't know who was, but it wasn't him, Bobby. That much I do know."

Bobby nodded as he looked at Dean wondering when the boys were going to get their time to just be brothers. Hadn't they paid enough for the innocents of the world to deserve their own time to just _be_? "I made soup and sandwiches earlier; you need to try to eat."

Dean sighed as he told Bobby, "I don't think I can eat now." Dean snuck a quick glance at Sammy before looking back down at his feet.

Bobby mimicked Dean's sigh while he told him, "You need to keep your strength up because Sammy needs you. If you get sick… how will you take care of him?"

Dean gave a mock glare as he looked up at Bobby when he said, "Fine but you have to eat with me."

When Bobby started to protest Dean replied with a very familiar statement, "You need to keep up your strength because we need you. If you get sick, how will you take care of us?" As he finished he crossed his arms with a beat that expression on his face.

Bobby tried not to grin as he stood, saying with a whole lot of tenderness that he only felt when it came to the boys he had come to think of like his own, "Smartass."

Dean grinned back at him, telling him with a slight chuckle, "Yeah, well you taught me everything I know in that department."

Bobby patted Dean on the shoulder as he walked past, telling him softly while trying not to let Dean see him tearing up, "I'll just go get our food, then."

Bobby felt a massive amount of relief as he walked down stairs that Dean could forgive him for not going behind Sam's back and calling Dean to let him know that Sam was back. It was a 'colossal fuck up' mistake that had almost torn Dean's world apart.

_It would never happen again_. He would never again give Dean reason to _have_ to forgive him. No matter what it took to earn Dean's trust back he was willing to do it. He was in this for the long haul when it came to these boys.

Dean had had so much heartache in his short life and he felt sick that he had contributed to it. Well, both boys had received an over abundance in that department and he hoped they would have the time they needed to just relax and recover.

Walking into the kitchen he took the food out of the refrigerator and reheated it. Before taking everything back upstairs Bobby grabbed a couple of beers and a pie he had bought from the café in town. With the Winchester luck they would probably need them. After all pie was Dean's comfort food. He had a feeling it was going to be a long, hard night and they would need all the small comforts they could get before this was over.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I like chasing the plot bunnies and have learned you can laso them when they are being evasive! Still not mine!

**NOTE**: Blown away by all the reviews! Thank you so much! My reviewers and to my readers as well, so cool! Thanks too for favs and alerts!

Chapter 3

Dean was quietly talking to Sammy while he slept. "Sammy I did what you wanted… I went to Lisa and Ben… I gave it all up." He sat a few minutes, silently gathering his thoughts before he continued, "But everyday man, I thought of you. Hell, you were the first thing I thought about in the morning, the last thing at night and pretty much all the time in between. Probably not the best thing to do when you move in with someone… I read books, talked to anybody I could find about ways to break into hell and I even planned my own trip back. I…" Dean stopped, cleared his throat and rubbed at his eyes as he barreled on, "Ben… god, Sammy he was always doing shit that reminded me of you. Hell you were every bit my son as he was; hell you were that and so much more." Dean stopped again as he bowed his head and took a deep breath. Then he started speaking again, "Everything was so much harder without you around to give me a swift kick in the ass when I needed it." Dean stopped again as he touched Sammy's chest just holding his hand there; feeling Sammy breathe, the gentle rise and fall of his chest he found oddly calming.

Bobby had been coming upstairs and into the room when he heard part of what Dean had been saying so he backed up and made noise like he was just coming up the stairs. He tried to school his face to-nope didn't hear a damn thing. Bobby said before walking into the room, "I brought us a couple beers to go with the food, I thought you could use one." Then Bobby walked into the room a smile plastered on his face.

Dean turned to look at Bobby, "Thanks, Bobby you're a life savor." as he grabbed the beer gratefully as he threw back his head and chugged the already opened beer.

Bobby grabbed it away from him as he told Dean, "Eat before you get more." as he then set the beer out of Dean's reach.

Dean glared at Bobby as he snapped, "You tease." Then he reached for a sandwich.

Bobby snorted as he grabbed his own sandwich, "Yeah, that's why the lady's can't stay away."

Dean's eyebrow shot up as he choked on his sandwich trying not to laugh which caused Bobby to slap him on the back.

Bobby said with his own laugh, "Damn boy, you're supposed to chew it first."

Dean chuckled at Bobby before he sobered up to return to his staring at Sammy. "I don't know what's going on in that head of his…" He muttered, the sandwich forgotten in his hand.

Bobby patted Dean on the back before giving a slight squeeze to his shoulder, then dropped his hand away, "We'll figure this out, Dean. Just give it time."

"Bobby, I didn't even know he was out…how could that have happened?" Dean turned red rimmed eyes his way as he finally said out loud what he been wondering for months.

Bobby cleared his throat as he told him, "Dean, your souls are connected…" Bobby sighed then went on. "His soul wasn't topside. Only his body. You can't blame yourself for that… me on the other hand, son… I." Bobby started only to have Dean interrupt him.

"Bobby…I… was hurt I'll admit… but it's done. As I've told myself, it's not something Sammy would have done." Dean closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. "I have him back… now I just have to keep him." He worried silently if that was going to be harder than anything they'd been through so far. He really really hoped not.

"We will Dean. I promise." Bobby told Dean solemnly, swearing with his eyes that this would be something that they would get through… _together_.

Dean nodded as he took the beer Bobby handed him and finished it off. Sitting it up against the bed frame, he leaned to prop his elbows on his legs resting his cheeks on his palms as he told Bobby, "Sammy is finally back and I don't know how to help him."

"You will when the time comes. It will come to you as you need it." Bobby told Dean as he tried to be supportive.

"Well that was awful hallmarky of you, Bobby." Dean snarked at Bobby, trying to lighten the mood in the room.

"Smartass." Bobby replied, smacking Dean on the back of the head. Standing Bobby told Dean, "I'll be downstairs for a few if you need me boy." Gathering the empty bottles he left the tray of food hoping Dean would try to eat a little more.

"Thanks Bobby." Dean said softly, watching Bobby head for the door.

"Yep." Bobby replied. Turning to leave he said over his shoulder, "That pie is from the café in town, Jodie's cousin made it."

"The sherriff?" Dean asked, looking at the pie curiously.

"No, her cousin made it. She says that she made it extra sweet for my darling nephews." Bobby snorted as he turned back to walk out the door, muttering, "_Darling_… if she only knew."

Dean smiled still watching Bobby leave, then letting the smile drop away as he waited until he heard Bobby on the stairs. Then he turned to Sammy. He leaned forward, pushing bangs back when he whispered, "I thought I'd lost you for good this time, Sammy."

Sammy started shaking in his sleep, trying to scoot away from Dean, moaning, "_stopstop_… nomoreno…" He rolled into the corner of the bed, still not waking fully. Tears falling freely as Sammy's hands went to his ears as he tried to curl up as he cried, "evil. evil. evil… taint… can't fix. Can't can't can't!" Then Sammy was suddenly screaming. Dean was on the bed, trying to pry Sammy's hands away from his ears while simultaneously trying to talk Sammy down. Dean knew without looking Bobby would be trampling in any minute.

"_SAMMY_! I got you, bro!" Dean finally got Sammy's hands pulled away enough that he could try to talk over Sammy's screams. "Sammy, You're out of the pit… it's over, little brother… I swear to you…" Thinking at the same time, _he's not suppose to remember… and if Death wasn't already dead_…

Sammy struggled against Dean's hands around his wrists, restraining his arms. Sammy pulled himself into a sitting position, drawing his legs up as he tried once again to get away from Dean. His screams dying to murmurs of _no _and _don't_ and _evil._

Dean tried to talk to Sammy again when he suddenly lunged forward and shoved Dean backwards, scrambling past him, mumbling, "_not dean_…no…nonononoo…"

Dean wind milled his arms trying to keep from falling off the bed, but went over the side anyway, falling hard onto his shoulder and hitting the back of his head. Stars were not what he wanted to be seeing at the moment. "Dammit!" Dean growled, trying to get up. He looked around, he was surprised that neither Sammy nor Bobby was around. "Shit! So much for keeping Sammy in my sights!" Dean mumbled as he raced down the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs he looked around, noticing the front door standing open he raced through it. Pausing at the top of the steps he searched frantically, finally spotting Bobby sneaking around a stack of cars. _Way to go, Bobby_! He just knew Bobby was following Sammy.

He chased after them, getting closer he could hear Sammy muttering to himself, "Now… bobby's yard…not falling for it… Dean, Bobby…not here, not real…" He looked up, yelling, "Lucifer… Michael… I'm not falling for it this time! You hear me damn you!"

Dean touched Bobby's shoulder as he passed him letting him know he was there, stopping Bobby. Dean snuck up behind Sammy. Sammy suddenly struck out putting one fist then the other through the window of one of the stacked cars. Sammy looked down at his arms surprised staring at the blood running down his wrists.

"Shit!" Dean snarled in panic as he raced forward grabbing Sammy as he's knees went weak and he was down.

Sammy kept blinking before he slowly looked at Dean focusing on his brother for the first time, "D?"

"Yeah, Sammy… you finally with me, bro?" Dean asked worriedly as Bobby came running from somewhere with strips of cloths that they used to tie off the cuts.

Sammy nodded as he said in confusion as he stared at his wrists, "Was I dreaming? I don't... remember."

Dean snorted as he told Sammy, "A few more dreams like that and I'll… um..hum…" Dean cleared his throat as he decided not to finish his sentence.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: Still not mine! Dang it to Hades!(stomping my feet- Is it helping?) Naw, i didn't think so... (kicking foot in the dirt as hang my head)

**NOTE**: Spent the day playing chauffer in the city today and didn't get back until after 6 pm, so I apoligize for the late post! OH, and I have to say I am mad at CW! Do they seriously think that Supernatural is less important than those other shows? That better not be a sign of things to come! Done ranting, sorry! **Thank you so much for the awesomely cool reviews! They make my day!** So hopefully this will help soothe the hurt of CW betraying us! (JK)

Chapter 4

Dean led Sammy back into the house and as he cleaned and stitched Sammy's cuts he noticed a small tattoo he'd never really seen on the inside on Sam's right wrist. He leaned in as he pulled Sammy's wrist closer, yep, it said D11. Dean smiled. He hadn't seen or heard that since they were kids. When 911 came out he had taught Sammy when he was old enough that he could say or write D for Dean and 11 like 911. It was for them alone. They'd told no one about it, not even their dad. Dean rubbed it gently as he asked Sammy, "When did you get this, bub?", while he waited for Sammy's answer a tiny smile played on his lips.

Sammy looked at the tattoo and studied it like he'd never seen it before. He stared for awhile, frowning as he tried to remember. "I didn't have it before the pit."

Dean arched an eyebrow, asking in a shocked tone, "You mean Sambot did this?"

Sammy stared at him, and then glanced at his wrist and back again to Dean, asking as he began to panic, "What? What does that mean?"

"That means." Dean said with a grin, "That somewhere down in there," Dean poked Sammy in the chest before continuing, "you're body tried to call out to me for help. If I had been around I would have found out a lot sooner. Your body was trying Sammy." Dean grabbed him in a hug. "It was still trying." He murmured not being able to hide the delight in his voice.

Sammy looked disorientated as he stared at his wrist. So, then he _wasn't_ evil? He was so confused. He didn't know what to think about everything that was happening. He remembered doing things that reminded him too much of when Meg had been roaming the streets in charge.

He wasn't about to ask Dean and Bobby about it. Some of the shit was just plain embarrassing. Like the prostitute thing, my god, _really_? Dean would never let him live _that_ down. A lot of it was still Swiss cheese right now. Like he remembered going into the pit, Adam and him holding onto to each other as they fell, then nothing until waking up in the panic room. But this stuff that popped up at the oddest times… it scared him. His body did these things with no emotions; no care for anything but the outcome of whatever case it- he'd been working on. At least that's how it felt to him from what he was remembering.

Suddenly it seemed that Dean was snapping his fingers in his face. He focused on Dean and moved backward quickly, Dean was too close.

"Hey, sunshine," Dean said sarcastically to mask his worry as he continued, "Glad to you could join us."

"I… um… tattoo…" Sammy scrunched up his face as he concentrated, "got it after I went and watched you eating dinner, I was standing under the streetlight. I think it went out?" He looked at Dean for confirmation and then continued after Dean looked at him funny, "It was before I went to Bobby." Sammy said as he started to tear up. Thinking back now he realized how Dean struggled that night just to appear normal; he had felt Dean's need to join Sammy where ever he was. His body not giving a shit, he had felt_ that _too. It hurt to know he could have stopped his brother's pain by just walking up to that door and knocking. "I'm sorry Dean… I can't make all this pain up to you man I…"

Dean smiled his brilliant no holds barred, normally reserved for the ladies killer smile and grabbed Sammy in a hug. "You are here. That's one hell of a start, bitch."

Sammy gave him his dimpled smile in return as he murmured, "jerk."

"That's awesome to hear, dude." Dean commented, stepping back and throwing away wrappers and putting away first aid supplies as he tried to hide the fact that he was tearing up over being called a jerk by his brother. He grinned as he thought silently, _Ah, the little things in life sometimes mean the most_…

"What?" Sammy asked, genuinely confused.

"The Sambot never got it. I said bitch once to him and he just stared at me. _He didn't get it_." Dean said, shaking his head as he peeked at Sam while pretending to be putting the supplies away. Dean also didn't mention that was one of the ways he knew it wasn't Sammy, not _his_ Sammy anyway. As Dean watched Sammy he thought back to that dinner at Lisa's, he'd thought for a moment he'd felt Sammy that night and in a way he had. Even on auto pilot Sammy's body had originally came back to him. He smiled, _yeah, he could live with that_. And _the tattoo_, he nodded. _They were going to make it_. Dean reached out and messed up Sammy's hair.

Sammy tried to duck away as he whined, "Dean." but when Sammy looked up at him between flapping arms he was smiling at Dean; with a 'Dean hung the moon just for me and I remember' smile.

Bobby leaned against the doorway and smiled as he thought about the way the boys _were_; he remembered that smile of Sammy's that was for Dean alone… _the boys needed this; a chance to get back to the way they were before_.

A few minutes later, Dean asked Sammy with a glance that said clearly what answer Dean wanted, "Do you want to talk to me while I tune up the impala?"

Sammy grinned as he nodded vigorously, "Yeah, I'd like that."

"But no touching anything with those bandages." Dean said as he started for the empty doorway. At no movement from behind him he turned back to stare at Sammy. The look on Sammy's face caused Dean to grin, "Dude, you don't know what the hell kind of bacteria is growing out there in Singer Salvage. It might be mutant with our luck. So don't be touching anything."

"I heard that, ya idgit. Get in here and eat something before you boys go out." Bobby called from the kitchen, where he was pretending to have been all along. Nope, no sneaking around watching the boys. He was innocent of any sneakage. Just look for the halo if there was any doubt. Of course he'd have to steal Cas'. He smirked at that image. Him wrestling a halo away from Cas with him yelling, _You can't do this because I am an angel of the lord and the new sheriff of Heaven.__ Quit being mean to me or I'll tell Dean. _

So by the time the boys made it into the kitchen, Bobby was laughing hysterically at… they looked around. They saw nothing that appeared to be the reason behind the hysterical laughter. Holding his stomach with one hand and slapping his hat on his leg his other hand he continued to laugh as he ignored them.

"Uh, Bobby… feeling ok, there old man?" Dean asked with a smile as he walked over to pick up a platter of food. "You didn't do something funky to this, did you?" Dean asked when he pulled the platter closer as he carried it over to the table and sniffed it before he placed it suspiciously on the center of the table.

Bobby chortled and snorted at him, tears running down his cheeks as he pointed at Dean, muttering, "angel…lord…tell… halo…." as he tried to talk between raucous laughter .

Dean's eyebrow's lifted as he shared a worried look with Sammy. Dean walked over and grabbed one of Bobby's arms as he told him gently, "Maybe if you just sit here a minute…" Dean looked helplessly at Sammy.

Sammy came over and knelt on the other side of Bobby, handing him an open bottle of beer, "Drink this…"

"Bobby how 'bout we spend the evening watching movies… Sammy and I can…" Dean offered, then thinking it might not be a good idea to leave Bobby alone, "or I can go get take out and Sammy can help you… um…" Dean stopped once again looking at Sammy for help.

Bobby instantly sobered causing both boys to stare at him as he told Dean. "Are you blind, boy? Look at all those hamburgers in front of you."

Dean sat down with a thump as he thought about how weird Bobby was acting, "Okay." he replied as he automatically grabbed for a burger. He quickly forgot everything for a few seconds when he bit into the burger. He closed his eyes chewing enthusiastically as he sighed with pleasure.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer**: Still not mine (clenching fists and pounding on the floor while at the same time kicking my feet) Huh… didn't change a thing… (smile)))))))

**NOTE**: Posting early today in apology for being so late posting yesterday. Life keeps interrupting my writing... LOL! Thank you so much for all the reviews! Still lovin' the reviews! Thanks to everyone taking the time to read and review. Or just read… (Still love the reviews) Also adding to favs and alerts.

Chapter 5

Later, they had basically decided to wait on the car so Sammy was in the library wandering around looking at the books. It seemed that Bobby had acquired several volumes since he'd been… gone. He kind of remembered himself looking at them. The weird part was that he remembered thinking of himself as Sammy… like he _wasn't _Sammy; it was puzzling to say the least. He recalled thinking how boring Sammy was for liking books and how he needed to get a life. Well, _he liked boring_. He could live just fine with boring. _Boring was awesome_. Sammy smirked to himself as he thought _he got a life… his own_; he had it back and he was keeping it.

He reached out to take a book off the shelf and his arm just stopped. _What the hell_? He tried to move his arm again. Nothing. _Shit_. His breathing sped up. _What did this mean_? The blurry vision and now this? He tried to wiggle his fingers. Again nothing. He opened his mouth to call for Dean. His mouth slammed shut. _Oh, god_, Sammy panicked. It was like being possessed. Was this what a split personality felt like? Is that what it was? His body didn't want him there anymore? _This was way beyond terrifying_! A tear slid down his cheek.

"Hey, Sammy." Dean called out before he got to the library door, "Bobby and I need you to settle this argument for us." Dean stated as he came into the room. _Huh_, Sammy didn't act like he heard him. He walked up to Sammy and stepped beside him. _Weird_. He was standing there with his hand halfway to the shelf, not moving. "Are you playing the statue game? Aren't we a little old for that?"

Nothing... Not a sound, not even a twitch.

Dean leaned around the front of Sam while he looked up into Sammy's face thinking if he played along Sam was going to crack and laugh. That was how it worked when they were little anyways.

Then he saw the tear slide down Sammy's cheek. Panic was instantaneous, "Sammy, what the hell? What's wrong?" Dean touched Sammy's outstretched arm. He felt the taunt muscles when he tried to pull Sammy's arm down. It remained stiff and unmoving. "Sammy, I need you to tell me what is happening. Can you do that for me, buddy?"

Sammy was thinking that _no, he really, really couldn't_. He wanted to, he really did. But apparently his body was staging a mutiny. It scared him that he had no control; it was too Meg-like for his comfort. He wanted to tell Dean that but his body wasn't listening.

Dean tried to force Sammy to look at him.

Sammy's muscles corded as his struggled with himself for control. He wanted to respond to his brother. He really wanted to erase the worry lines from Dean's face… _he just wanted the unease_ _to cease_. Dean didn't deserve this.

That was when he could have sworn he heard himself laugh and echo ringing laughter through his head. _Oh, god_, he was loosing his mind! If he could have run, he would have bolted to at least behind Dean. He remembered doing that when he was younger.

Then he saw a scene before him that would have brought him to his knees if he'd had control of his body, his mind screamed no. He watched something throw Dean into a pile of garbage. Dean had then stood up before he was thrown against a trash dumpster as he wrestled with someone.

_No_, he screamed. _Why are you stopping_? He watched himself stop and watch not doing anything to help Dean. Why was he not helping his brother? He dreaded it but he turned and looked at Dean again. Dean face was covered in blood, the thing had bled in Dean's mouth… _oh, god, no_… he'd let Dean be **turned**… He twisted to look at himself one more time to see himself focus on Dean and a slow smile appeared before the scene vanished.

He fell limply as his body suddenly gave control back over to him. He sobbed brokenheartedly as Dean grabbed him on the way down; bring them to the floor together. Dean grunted in pain as his back met the bookshelves behind him. "Sammy… what? Talk to me, please…"

Sammy continued to cry wretchedly, _He needed to die. It was obvious that needed to be the outcome. Dad had told Dean if he ever turned evil to kill him. Why hadn't he_? Because turning your brother into a fucking vampire was evil! Sammy knew this…

He answered himself with the truth _Dean never would kill him_. Dean had demonstrated that fact repeatedly. He was Dean's Achilles' heel. He'd shot Dean, hurt him repeatedly, apparently turned him into a vampire and _he_ was still walking, talking evil. "Why didn't you kill me?"

"What are you talking about Sammy? We've been over that a million and one times. I was right in the end, you saved the world. If I'd have _off_ed you, who'd have been there to do that, _you know_… save the world?" Dean asked while rubbing circles on Sammy's back.

"_Nonononoooo_… When I fucking let you get turned. _That_ was evil, D… _you know that_." Sammy decided right then he would be the one to save Dean this time.

"_You remembered_…" Dean sounded disappointed before adding wearily. "_You _didn't do that, Sammy. _You_ know that." Dean said softly, scared by the tone Sammy was using.

"_Just like it _wasn't me, that shot you at the asylum or on the docks or tried to kill you in that motel room and left you to go with Ruby or hurt you in heaven enough that you walked away, throwing us away too. Or fucked everything up to where it needed saving in the first place. _None_ of those things were me." Sammy sat up and tried to pull away from Dean.

Dean held on as he told him with a determined glint in his eye, "I will never walk away Sammy. Not as long as there is breath in my body to do so… _I will fight for you_. You _can't _ask me to do anything else." Dean pulled Sammy closer as he whispered softly, "Little brother, I don't know how to do anything else."

"You got out Dean." Sammy almost sobbed as he told Dean, "You were making a life with Lisa and I ruined it. I came back like the cold hearted bastard I am and took it all away from you. How can you forgive something like this?"

Dean snorted as he asked, "You're kidding right? You… _cold hearted_? Not fucking likely. _Sambot was _coldhearted because he didn't have one. _You are not him_."

"That's just it, D… I am. He is a part of me. He is a part that I think wants back control. He doesn't want me here." Sammy said as he wilted back against Dean.

"What does that mean, Sammy?" Dean asked and waited for an answer.

Nothing.

No response from his little brother was more worrisome than he cared to dwell on at the moment. Dean slid Sammy's limp body down into the crook of his arm. _Huh_. He looked like he'd fallen asleep. His free hand came up to lightly brush across Sammy's cheek and up to push bangs back. What had Sammy meant by his body didn't want him there?

Had Sam… His thoughts broke off to contemplate how he kept things straight in his own head… the soul-less one and his brother. _**Sam**__ was the cold hearted bastard _that had come back to him at Lisa's. _**Sammy**__- was his brother-the whole broken wonderful mess_. Had Sam decided Sammy wasn't going to be allowed to stay? Could that even happen? Could a body develop a personality without a soul? Is that what Sam was... a new personality? Well, _he really didn't give a shit_! Because Sammy was the rightful owner and by God he was staying.

**TBC**

**STORY NOTE**: Dean gives an explanation of the difference between **Sam** and **Sammy. **That is an important thing to remember in the coming chapters! Hopefully it won't confuse anyone. To me it's a perfectly clear way to distinguish between the two. ~Crissi


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**: STILL not mine.

Rock… paper… scissors? I win I GET? Darn it… I didn't think so…

**NOTE**: Totally awesome reviews! When life gets you down… read reviews! Thanks, guys! I love them! Thank you for taking the time to read and review. And as always for the favs and alerts!

Chapter 6

Dean wasn't sure how long he set there just holding Sammy and watching him sleep. But he found it oddly calming to know that Sammy was back. That was all Dean needed; was Sammy, the whole Sasquatchy chick-flicky moment loving, shaggy haired bangs in the eyes inch of little brother.

Everything else the Winchester boys could make work; they could figure it out as long as it was together. He was just going to have to figure out a way to convince Sammy of that though, because the path he was on now was only leading to self-destruction. That was something Dean wasn't willing to let happen.

So_, let the battles begin_.

"Dean, what the hell is taking you so long?" Bobby asked walking into the library, looking around he was surprised to find the boys on the floor. Rushing over he was down beside them before Dean could answer.

"I came here to get Sammy's answer to settle that argument…" Dean's face blanked, then he kind of chuckled as he continued, "I don't even remember what I was going to ask." Unshed tears shining in his eyes. "He was just standing there. I joked with him about being too old for the statue game, when I looked closely, he was crying. He couldn't move." Dean looked at Bobby with the Winchester famous puppy eyes, because as time wore on it was very evident that Dean probably taught Sammy that same look. "When he was able to move, he said he thinks his body's trying to kick him out. Is that possible? Do we have to worry about that now Bobby?" Dean's voice was shaking like if one more thing was added to his plate he would freak.

"I'm going to call Cas. I'll get answers out of that angel or I swear I'll strangle him with his damn halo!" Bobby snapped standing, before looking back down and asking "Do you want me to help you put him on the couch?"

Dean was smiling at Bobby before saying softly, "Naw, I think I'll just hang out here with my brother."

Bobby mumbled, "idgits." But the look he gave Dean told him what he really thought about the boys. 'Idgits' was used mostly when they scared Bobby or did something stupid or a combination of the two; unfortunately it happened a lot.

Dean sat thinking how they would need to step up patrol duty with Sammy. He was really concerned with not knowing how long Sammy had been frozen. It bugged him to not know things when it came to Sammy. It was probably worse on his part now that he knew Sammy's body had been running around without him even knowing for so long. After all his little brother had been through to be scared with no comfort was not acceptable. There had already been far too much of that.

But it had to be done so that Sammy didn't think they were watching him because they didn't trust him. He couldn't allow that. He leaned back against the bookcase, waiting for Sammy to wake up this time. He was seriously considering drugging his little brother so he could actually sleep without waking with the horrible nightmares that were freaking him out so much. But they had that unwritten rule between them to not do that. So he'd have to decide if it was worth breaking that… if it became necessary he would… for Sammy.

Sammy opened his eyes and sat up, staring at Dean. Dean had to admit, it kind of creeped him out, with Sammy's hair sticking out everywhere he looked a little like that freakin' Chucky doll that would pretend to be just a doll and then he would sit up and look around in a very similar way Sammy just had and then he would kill… _okay, mind wandering_, Dean thought, _put the brakes on and back right back up_. "Sammy?" Dean was slightly surprised that his voice squeaked.

Sammy tilted his head in a very Cas' like way as he said, "Dean."

Dean's blood turned to ice in his veins right then and there, "Fuck." Dean snapped and he thought wildly, this is not suppose to happen. _Nonononono_…

"What's wrong brother didn't you miss me?" Sam asked standing as he looked around the room. Reaching down he yanked Dean to his feet by his arm.

"Fuck, no. Put Sammy back in control right the fuck now." Dean snarled as he got control of his balance and then yanked himself away from his brother's body.

"Why should I? He vacated for over a year and then he comes back and I'm just supposed to disappear. I don't think so. I don't want to." Sam grinned wickedly as he backed away from Dean.

"Listen, Chucky! I want Sammy, ya know, my brother… the owner of that body," Dean snarled, pointing at Sam. "in charge. Hell, I don't even know how you came into being. You're not even suppose to be…" Dean stopped at a loss for words as he dropped his arm.

"What? _Real_? If I'm not real, who was everyone talking to for the past year?" Sam crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently.

Dean growled in frustration, "Un-fucking-believable!" he snapped as he rubbed at his forehead trying to ward off the migraine heading his way.

"And." Sam smirked before continuing, "Who are you talking to right now? Because it sure as hell isn't your precious Sammy."

Dean's lips flattened into a straight line as he took a step closer to Sam and grabbed his shirt in his fist, "You little fucker, I'm going to beat you…"

"Careful, imagine how confused dear little Sammy would be to wake up in the middle of a beating. Do you think he would _understand, D_?" He changed his tone of voice to a childlike one on the last two words.

Dean gave Sam a shake before shoving him away with his fist as he let go of Sam's shirt.

Dean watched the look on Sam's face as it turned from a smirk to a look that asked big brother with puppy eyes, _what's going on_?

Sammy flailed his arms as he tried to catch himself as he fell backwards over the small coffee table and hit his head on the edge on the couch on his way down.

When a cursed snarl Dean dove across the space after his brother, landing on his knees a few seconds after Sammy's head connected with the couch but before he hit the floor. He sat breathing heavy as he asked, "Sammy you okay?"

Sammy's hand came up to run his hand over his new bump, "Why'd you push me?"

Dean's face took on several rapid-fire expressions before settling on guilty, "I didn't push _you_."

Sammy blinked rapidly as he stared at him disoriented, "I don't…"

Dean sighed, he swore to himself he was going to figure out a way to exorcise that little shit and burn him out of existence. Soon.

**TBC**

**Story NOTE: **Sorry for the short chapter, the rest should be longer. Forgive me?


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer**: Never, ever mine… (Sob)))))

NOTE: Sam= Soulless or RoboSam

Sammy= Sasquatchy chick-flicky moment loving, shaggy hair in the eyes emo little brother. Hope that makes it a little more clear. Let me know if that helps!

Thank you for ALL the reviews! Love them!

I was going to make this Chapter longer but we have a storm front moving in that could knock out our power for 3 weeks (Lord, I hope not!) With 6-12 inches of snow and at least an inch of ice under that. So, I want to make sure and at least get this out for everyone. I have to go shopping and stock up on propane, just in case. So, I'm posting this before I leave. Our primary heat source is electric… wish me luck!

Chapter 7

"Dean what's going on?" Sammy asked, concerned by the paleness of his brother's face.

"I don't want you to freak out." Dean said, biting his lip, not willing to say anymore. He really didn't want to scare Sammy.

Sammy started to sit up, Dean helped him lean back against the couch and then Dean sat Indian style in front of him.

After Sammy was settled Dean asked him softly, "What do you remember about being in here?"

Sammy blinked slowly as he thought about it, then stopped and stared unblinking at Dean.

Dean reached out a hand to touch Sammy's arm, worried that Sam was messing with them again.

Sammy jumped and then stated blankly complete with a shrug, "Looking at books, then you shoved me, why?"

Dean ran a hand through his hair his agitation evident, "So you don't remember telling me that you thought Sam-um…" At Sammy's look he rephrased, "your body wanted control back?"

Sammy blinked as he slowly shook his head, his heart sped up as well as his breathing, he was well on his way to panic as he tried to stand.

Dean grabbed the back of Sammy's neck as Dean scrambled to his knees trying to keep Sammy where he was.

Sammy bowed his head, trying not to cry…

Dean rubbed his neck, "Don't worry, Sammy, we'll figure it out."

Sammy's head came up and the emptiness in Sammy's eyes startled Dean so much he dropped his hand and scrambled back.

"Will you Dean? Or will you have to give up little brother after all?" Sam asked lounging back against the couch stretching his arm out across the front edge as he leered at Dean. Cause to tell the truth he was pissed at Dean. Before he'd felt almost nothing for him. But he'd begged the ass not to put 'the soul' back in him. Told him it would hurt him, kill him and Dean hadn't cared. Well, he bet the bastard gave a shit now. Now that he was holding Dean's little brother hostage.

This game was turning out to be a shitload of fun. He could torture both Sammy and Dean. When he did something… he could blame Sammy… Wow, this was better than having a twin. But, seriously, why shouldn't he have at least equal time in control? Why couldn't he have it when old Sammy was asleep or unconscious or otherwise similarly… detained. He had rights to it now, too. He had taken care of the body for a year; that should count for something.

Dean tried really hard to control his temper. If he killed the bastard he'd loose Sammy… _wouldn't he_? He tilted his head to the side as he considered doing just that. If it would guarantee him a Sambot free Sammy… he shook his head. In a heartbeat. The guy would be six feet under.

Shit this prick was fucking with his mind… he needed to get it together to beat him. Dean's eyes narrowed and he leaned forward and lowered his voice, "Listen you son of…" He struggled to regulate his breathing as he continued, "I'm going to…" He reached out and grabbed Sam by the collar, pulling him forward in one hard yank. "Keep pushing me and when I push back…"

"D?" Sammy asked in a scared whisper, wondering why Dean appeared to be threatening him again.

Dean instantly let go and straightened Sammy's shirt.

Sam smirked instantly pushing Sammy back out of the way so he could talk again, "It's just too easy with you, you're like a puppet on a string, _Dee_..." he said as he drew out Sammy's nickname for him.

Dean jumped to his feet in one fluid motion, taking two steps away before turning to glare down at Sam. He stood several seconds before saying slowly and deliberately, "You want to continue to play this game with me." Dean's voice lowered dangerously. "And you and me… we're going to go back down to that panic room." Pointing his index finger between them, back and forth to emphasize his point. "And we won't come out until you and me are clear on a few things. _You get me_?"

Sam paled because he knew by the tone of voice Dean meant business. Dean was beyond furious. It was great, Sam thought with a smirk, but maybe Sammy needed to wake up for a few minutes and calm his damn brother down.

"D?" Sammy voice was sounding so genuinely confused as he looked up at Dean, puppy dog eyes in full glow. Dean should have looked for that before. _Those eyes_. Sam would never be able to duplicate them.

"Yeah, Sammy?" Dean asked, feeling like he'd been run through a wringer washer machine. Shit.

"Are you mad at me?" Sammy asked as he looked uncertainly at Dean.

"No, buddy. I'm so glad you're back. We've just got some things to get past, that's all." Dean told Sammy, holding out his hand for Sammy to take so he could pull him up. Pulling Sammy up, he impulsively pulled his brother into a hug.

"Let's go find Bobby." Dean suggested as they left the library.

They finally found Bobby outside in one of the garages. He was beating something with a crowbar. It reminded Sammy and Dean of Dean's meltdown against the impala with his own crowbar.

"Uh, Bobby?" Dean yelled, not stepping too close.

"What!" Bobby yelled back at Dean, stopping his assault on a car… in mid swing.

"What's up?" Dean asked in a normal voice.

Bobby pointed the crowbar at Dean, "I don't want to see that angel of yours around here for awhile. If I do I won't be held responsible for the consequences." Bobby finished slamming the crowbar to the ground as he stormed out of the garage.

Dean followed as he told Bobby, "He's _not my _angel… the way you say it… gross, Bobby."

Sammy actually snickered causing Dean to smile before he turned with a mock glare aimed at Sammy. That just set Sammy off and had him laughing out loud.

Bobby turned suddenly and stared… he hadn't heard that laugh in a long time. Like… oh a year before Dean's first trip to hell. Hell it was probably even longer than that. Bobby smiled at Sammy as he told him, "It's good to have you back, son." Reaching out he gripped Sammy's shoulder and squeezed gently. Letting go his hand landed on Dean's shoulder, causing Dean to look him in the eye. Telling Dean everything he needed to know. He wasn't going to like what Cas had to say anymore than Bobby had; Dean nodded in silent understanding. And then they proceeded back into the house. Each waiting for a chance to say what needed to be said.

**TBC**

**?- Was the Sam and Sammy thing less confusing in this chapter? ~ **Crissi


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer**: Kripke owns or is it Gamble… anyway the important thing is… I don't. boo-who... LOL

**NOTE: Snow, ice… very cold temps! Yuk! **Over a foot so far **and still coming down! **I think they should be banned (SIVCT). Anyways, Thanks so much for the reviews! Adore them! Truly I do! Also thanks for favs and alerts!

Chapter 8

"Let's go eat something." Bobby said neutrally, trying to calm himself and appear relaxed.

"Hell, Bobby. I don't even know if it's time for breakfast, lunch… I can't…" Dean told Bobby tiredly as he rubbed at his eyes.

"Maybe we'll just eat some sandwiches and take a nap." Bobby said quietly, waiting for Dean's explosive reply that was sure to follow.

"What are we five?" Dean asked peevishly as his hands dropped away from his eyes and he glared at Bobby.

Sammy snickered again, because honestly, Dean _sounded_ five. He got that way when he was physically and mentally exhausted, way past his limit. Sammy sobered instantly. There was only one way to get Dean to sleep when he was cranky like this. "Dean, I'm kinda tired. Would you lay down with me? I don't want to be alone." Then he sealed the deal. When Dean turned to stare at Sammy, Sammy cut his eyes up to look at Dean through his bangs. When Dean looked away to blink the tears back so no one could see Sammy winked at Bobby.

Bobby smirked; it was nice to know there were some things that Sammy hadn't forgotten.

"Yeah, Sammy. I can do that." Then Dean slung his arm over Sammy's shoulder. Something he hadn't done in years as he told Sammy with a tired smile, "Come on, little brother, let's go get some grub."

They both smiled at each other as they headed off to the kitchen together.

Bobby sniffled. Grown hunters don't cry. Grown hunters don't cry. Grown hunters don't… _awh, hell_… he sniffed. This one apparently does.

Dean sat watching Sammy eating, chin propped up on his hand sleepily staring at him. He wasn't saying anything, just sitting there and staring unblinking at him.

Finally Sammy put down his fork and then touched Dean's arm lightly, "You alright, D?"

Dean blinked slowly before saying softly, "Yeah."

Sammy tilted his head to the side, squeezing his arm lightly before saying, "Bathroom, then I'll come get you for my nap, k?" Sammy watched for a response, with a slight nod from Dean; he stood pushing his chair back with his legs. He let go of Dean and walked from the room.

Bobby came in a few minutes later to find Dean asleep on his arm and Sammy no where to be found. Bobby slipped into instant panic mode as he went searching for Sammy. If anything happened to Sammy while Dean slept, Dean would never forgive himself or Bobby. He just wanted to make sure Sammy was okay before waking up Dean; besides there was no need for both of them to panic if it turned out to be nothing.

He went to the library first because that was Sammy's favorite place in Bobby's house. Anyone that knew Sammy knew of his love for books. He gave a small sigh and quick prayer of thanks when he saw Sammy leaning back against the couch on the floor surrounded by books.

"Sammy, what are you doing?" Bobby asked walking further into the room.

"Bobby, what gives a body life?" Sammy asked curiously, glancing up at him.

"The bible says God did. You know that. You spent enough time with Pastor Jim to remember that I would think." Bobby replied as he stared at Sammy.

"But what makes it alive… a person?" Sammy asked as if working something out in his head.

"Its soul, I suppose, why?" Bobby answered as he came a step futher into the room.

"But then how did my body do the things it did without me? How did it think, talk, breath… live without my soul? Why does it want me to die so it can be?" Sammy asked, looking up at Bobby with a tear stained face.

"Not fucking happening, Sammy." Dean stated firmly from behind Bobby.

Both Bobby and Sammy startled at Dean's sudden appearance.

"I'm not loosing you again, I just got you back." Dean said inflexibly, his determination evident.

"But, D… what right do I have to say _he_ has no right to live?" Sammy asked, not saying that Sam was now making Sammy aware of his thoughts on the matter.

"You don't have to. _I am_." Dean was adamant about this. He was keeping Sammy, end of discussion and he didn't care what had to occur for that to happen.

Dean walked over to his brother and squatting down as he told him, "I need _you _Sammy. I might be a selfish bastard but I don't care."

Bobby told him, trying to change the subject, "How about a nap and then we'll finish this discussion, you're both exhausted."

Dean stood and reached down for Sammy, remembering that Sammy had to be tired to ask Dean to lie down with him and by doing so admitting to needing his brother there.

Sammy laid down the book he had been looking through and clasped Dean's hand. Under the cover of Sammy, Sam glared at Dean, _He wanted him gone. He wasn't good enough to share the same space with Sammy_. Well, life was about to get interesting for Dean. Sammy smiled and his eyes flashed with anger briefly. The flash caught Dean's attention as he stared at Sammy. After Sammy was standing, he was surprised that Dean held on, looking at him intently, as if trying to see in to his very soul.

"Dean?" Sammy asked, concerned at Dean's lack of response. Sammy placed his hand over Deans to get his attention.

Dean looked at Sammy's hand and then back up at Sammy's face as he asked, "Sammy?" Because he had seen a flash of not-Sammyness for a brief second before it vanished.

Sammy gave a quick jerk of his head. "Yeah, it's me." _For the moment_… he heard echoed in his head from what sounded like his own voice. Sammy jerked upon hearing the voice in his head then he rubbed at his forehead.

Dean frowned as he asked Sammy, "Are you okay?"

Sammy let go of Dean and stepped away. "I'm fine. I'm going to bed, shouldn't you?"

"Uh, yeah." Dean replied. Still wondering if his imagination was turned on full blast or not. Maybe he was tired enough he was hallucinating that glimmer of Sam he thought he'd seen.

"Okay." Sammy said and left the room; not looking back.

When Dean heard him start up the stairs, Dean turned on Bobby," Spill it, now. What did Cas say?"

Bobby sighed as he told Dean what he knew Dean wasn't ready to hear, "That the two Sam's have to merge. But Sammy has to demand control. He has to feel he deserves this or Sam may overpower Sammy and we'll loose Sammy for good."

Dean blinked and shook his head as if to clear it, "What?"

"They have been becoming aware of each other since Death placed Sammy back in his body; the merging began at that moment. But Sammy is vurnable right now. I asked Cas for a binding spell… anything to stop Sam." Bobby told Dean quickly wanting it all out there on the table.

"What did Cas say? How do I fix this?" Dean demanded. He felt a pressure to not leave Sammy alone for too long but he also needed answers. So he stood there bouncing from one foot to the other as he talked with Bobby. Ready to bolt to where Sammy was as soon as they finished their conversation.

"He's checking into it. But he says he doesn't know of anything." Bobby said with a frown.

"Well, that's not good enough." Dean snapped angrily, throwing a hand up to run through his hair in agitation.

"That's what I was saying to him when he disappeared on me. Now, you." Bobby stated as he watched Dean's mannerisms while he talked.

"Sam has been taunting me… He knows I can't do anything to him without hurting Sammy. I mean this whole thing is too much like a possession thing. With Sammy waking up not understanding what's going on. One of us needs to stay with Sammy so Sam doesn't hurt him or anyone else."

Unknown to them Sammy had come back downstairs to find out what was taking Dean so long. _Dean was afraid he would hurt them_… he stumbled back away from the library door and managed to get back upstairs. He went over to the window and stared out. _What was he going to do_? Thinking he was a danger and hearing it from Dean was _two very different things_. Dean kept getting hurt by him and it needed to stop once and for all. He needed to figure this out. Everything had to be done right. Nothing half-ass.

**TBC**

**Story NOTE: **I've checked and checked and double checked. I think I have all the mistakes fixed, but if something confuses you let me know. I'll go back and read it and fix it. Thanks to PJ for Chap 7. I fixed the typo and hope it makes more sense now. ~Thanks, Crissi


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer**: Don't own anything but my thoughts… hum….

**NOTE**: My glass half full- We got dump truck loads full of snow, BUT my power is still on! Yep, I can work with that! Like I have any choice. LOL~~~ Thank you for all the reviews! LOVE them! Favs and Alerts, too!

Chapter 9

Dean hurried upstairs afraid he'd left Sammy alone too long. He rushed into the room, "Sammy, I'm sorr… y…" Dean finished with the last part of sorry dying away to nothing when he spotted Sammy asleep on his bed, curled up in a ball, eyes hidden from view. Dean stood staring at him. Was Sammy asleep? Was he just pretending to be? Or was Sam at the helm about to try to fuck up his life some more? He walked the rest of the way over to Sammy, sitting as softly as a he could to try to not wake up his brother.

"Dean?" Sammy whispered softly, not moving at all.

Dean jumped when Sammy startled him but quickly recovered as he leaned over to place a hand on Sammy's shoulder, "What's up, Sammy?"

"You'd tell me if I was dangerous, right?" Sammy asked moving his arm so Dean could see his worried eyes staring back at him as he waited for Dean to answer.

"Sammy, you are not a danger to anybody… I promise. Where is this coming from? Is this about soul-less Sam?" Dean asked, slightly shaking Sammy when he didn't receive a response.

"Dean I just don't want to hurt you or anyone else. The things I remember…" Sammy instantly stopped as he turned away from Dean.

Dean shook him again as he told Sammy, "After everything we've both done, everything we've been through. We have a right to just be the Winchester boys. _Brothers_. I want that, Sammy. Don't you?"

Tears sprang up into Sammy's eyes as he turned back to look at Dean, "Dean… I let you get turned into a vampire for a job and I tried to kill Bobby because I think of him as a father. I…"

"Sammy. That was _Sam_, not you. It was like a possession, you have to think of it like that; _you _had no control. In fact you had less involvement this time than when Meg possessed you. I'm not afraid of you and neither is Bobby."

At this Sammy almost asked why he'd said Sammy needed to be watched then.

Dean noticed the look Sammy gave him, like he didn't believe him. Dean sighed, glancing at the window; he really didn't want to tell Sammy that Sam had been making regular appearances. "Sammy, I need to talk to you about something." he said wearily as he returned his gaze to Sammy.

Sammy was sitting up and he stretched leisurely before slowly raising his face to stare at Dean with a fury in his eyes.

Dean blinked as he scrambled off the bed to stand facing his brother, "Sam?"

"Oh, good brother… you can tell us apart now. That's a step up." Sam grinned.

"Yeah, that's pretty easy since one of you is my brother and the other… _is you_." Dean snapped reaching up to run a hand through his hair, but realizing what he was about to do, he dropped his hand.

"Ah, but the amazing thing is that the more he's in here." Sam said tapping his chest, "the more I acquire emotions… and other things that you said I was missing. Things that made you say I _wasn't_ your brother. Pretty soon you won't be able to tell us apart."

"I will always know Sammy." Dean stated simply as he continued to warily watch Sam.

Sam smiled as he told him, "As soon as I show him the things I… his body did while he was pitside… _I'll win_. He'll be so overwhelmed with guilt. It'll be so easy."

"No." Dean replied with a glare.

"No," Sam laughed while he baited Dean, stating, "_No_… what the hell do you think you can do about it? Did you know I didn't immediately go back to hunting? Do you want to know what I was doing before to survive?"

"I don't care." Dean retorted, looking down at his closed fists.

"You should because it's going to drive Sammy…" Sam fired back with a smirk.

Dean grabbed Sam off the bed by his shirt and hauled him up to be nose to nose before snarling, "You will not beat us… we are too strong together." With that said he shoved Sam backward and let go. Effectively throwing him back onto the bed.

Sam laughed before adding, "All he remembers is the thing about you and Bobby… oh and one of the prostitutes."

Dean arched an eyebrow as he thought silently_, prostitute_?

Sam snickered as he told Dean gleefully, "Yeah, prostitutes… he's so embarrassed by that… doesn't want you to find out… oops, sorry, _sammy. It just slipped out…_"

"_So what _I don't care." Dean told him, folding his arms across his chest.

"_Oh, that's nothing. _I've been on the other end of that side of the business." Sam grinned as he waited for Dean to freak.

"What? What the hell does that mean?" Dean asked too shocked to remember he was pretending not to care.

"I've paid… but I've also gotten paid." Sam said as he scooted backward until his back was against the wall so he could sit there and stare at Dean while he waited for Dean's response to that little tidbit.

Dean shook his head as if to clear it.

"That's right Dean. I've gotten paid for my services. How do you think I got that car?" Sam thought Dean's look was priceless as he continued to antagonize him.

"You were a… a…" Dean was speechless; it was such un-sammy behavior. Sammy was a one woman man, _not… not… shit_!

"Gun for hire… is one way to put it." Sam finished helpfully with a chuckle at Dean's expression.

"I don't believe you." Dean responded finally.

"What don't you believe? That rich bitches with lots of time and lots of money don't get bored and need entertainment?" Sam stated callously. "Or that Sammy is handsome enough to get paid for..."

"You're saying that…" Dean interrupted as he tried to finish a thought and present it aloud. He really was trying.

"What… _this _bugs you that much? This is awesome. Here I thought you'd be more upset with the gun for hire part than the… _other_." Sam mentioned with barely restrained glee.

"_What_? Wait… you were a hired gun? For who?" Dean asked trying to keep up now.

"Ding, ding, ding, ding… give the boy a prize. Anybody who had the money could hire me." Sam said smugly.

Dean stood there. He really didn't care what Sam had done. It hadn't been Sammy doing it. He had no problem separating the two. Sammy on the other hand; he was going to freak. Dean focused on Sam.

"I see you're finally getting the bigger picture here. I think what will push him over the edge…" Sam started to say when Dean interrupted him.

"God, you love to hear your own voice." Dean snapped, so angry he was shaking.

"Oh, but don't you want to know what I'm going to show Sammy; what's going to send him over the edge so that this body will be mine and he will be gone?" Sam asked as he realized he was really enjoying frustrating Dean.

"Not going to happen." Dean snarled with a glare and a step closer.

"We'll see. My highest paying client was rich. Had three kids and a husband. Don't you have some kind of rule about married women?" Sam asked pausing to stare at Dean.

"Your point?" Dean growled in frustration.

"I messed around with her for a couple of months, with her buying me clothes… and other stuff before she decided she didn't want to be married anymore. So I took care of it for her… She gave me enough money I didn't have to work… in fact there still some in the bottom of my duffle. The car… it was a bonus for a job well done." Sam recited proudly.

"You killed a man because his wife wanted him dead? He wasn't bad or anything?" Dean asked as he tried to get everything straight in his head.

"No…he was a really great guy from what everyone said at his funeral." Sam replied with a shrug.

"Excuse me? You killed the guy and then went to his funeral?" Dean verified just to make sure he was hearing right.

"Yep. Long lost half brother. His friends were so nice. Great kids. They love their Uncle Sammy." Sam snorted at the dropped jaw that Dean presented at the moment.

Dean stood there stunned. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sammy was going to _really_ freak. "You are one cold hearted bastard." Dean finally snarled.

"Careful there, brother. You wouldn't want poor Sammy to know what you really think about him." Sam said with a grin.

"He's nothing like you." Dean replied angrily.

"Ah, but we are one and the same. We are becoming one. He knows this." Sam supplied with a wider grin.

"He is nothing like you." Dean repeated slowly.

"He will be. He will remember my time topside and I will remember his from the pit as time wears on we will become one. The only thing is…" Sam paused as he waited for Dean to ask.

"What?" Dean finally asked after a few seconds of silence.

"The strongest one. He gets control. His personality and… he will get to _be_. The other will fade away." Sam told Dean with a hint of excitement.

"How do you know that?" Dean questioned, before adding, "Sammy is the one that will stay." Dean retorted with a determined tone.

Sam smiled as he baited Dean by saying, "Yeah, right. That's why you're talking to me right now. Because he's so much stronger than I am."

Dean unclenched his fists as he told Sam, "Sammy is good. He deserves to be here. _You_ don't."

"O, and how has that worked out for you in the past… the getting what you deserve?" Sam asked as he laced his question with sarcasm.

"You will not win." Dean repeated.

"We'll see." Sam told Dean smugly before his face blanked and then his eyes took on a pained, confused palate as he stared up at Dean. A single tear ran down his cheek.

Dean jumped on the bed and scrambled to Sammy, pulling him into his arms.

"D?" Sammy's voice muffled from Dean's shoulder.

Dean pulled back to look at Sammy, hands still on Sammy's shoulders. "Yeah?"

"What's going on? I thought we were downstairs." Sammy asked confused.

Dean blinked a couple of times before saying in a controlled voice, "I think we need to talk."

"Okay." Sammy said warily, not liking the sound of Dean's voice, it reminded him of when Dean had told Sammy they could never go back to being what they were before he'd fucked up the world.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer**: Still not mine… fudge!

**NOTE**: Thanks to everyone for the continuing reviews and the wanting of updates! That's so cool! I thinks it's awesome so thank you!Also thanks for the favs and alerts.

Chapter 10

"Okay. I want you to listen really close. This is important." Dean moved one hand up to Sammy's neck and squeezed, waiting for a sign from Sammy that he was ready.

"Course, D." Sammy nodded as he looked Dean in the eye.

"I love you." Dean said, not looking away.

"I know D…" Sammy said, putting a hand on Dean's arm, if Dean was starting out the conversation with 'I love you' _this_ was going to be bad. _And cue the butterflies in the stomach_, Sammy thought silently.

"You need to be the strong Sammy… I know you can be. I need you here. I won't survive if you don't. If you give up…" Dean took a deep breath and then rushed on. "You're giving up on us both. Can you remember that? No matter what happens." Dean again waited on Sammy to respond.

"Yeah." Sammy said slowly as he wondered where Dean was going with this. He wondered what Dean was about to do as he added softly, "You're kinda freaking me out here, dude."

Dean gave kind of a half grin as he told Sammy, "Kinda freaked out here myself, kid."

"I love you too, Dean." Sammy told him, squeezing Dean's arm once before dropping his hand back to his lap.

Dean kept one hand on Sammy's neck as he dropped the other to grab Sammy's hand.

Sammy looked down at Dean's hand clutching his then quickly back at Dean's face. _Oh yeah, he wasn't going to like what was coming_.

Once Sammy was looking at him again, he told him earnestly, "_You are worth it_. You are the one I raised. The one I went to hell for…" at Sammy's flinch he continued quickly, "The one I kept coming back for. I've chosen _you _over and over… when the time comes… _choose you_… then you will be choosing me too. Can you do that for me?" Dean ended with a question that was very important for him to get the right answer on.

"I don't know what that means." Sammy said with a frown as he looked at Dean.

"You will though Sammy and I need you to remember _this _moment… that I need you and you need to save _you_ in order to _save me_. You want to save me, right?' Playing the saving each other card that always got them in trouble in the past, hoping for once it would work in his favor.

"What do you mean? What going to happen to you?" Sammy asked, starting to panic as his breathing sped up.

"Nothing… as long as nothing happens to you." Dean stated flatly, laying it all out for Sammy.

"D?" Sammy wanted to whine, he really did. He felt like he'd missed a big part of the puzzle and nothing fit right and he wanted desperately at that moment to take a hammer and _make_ the puzzle pieces fit.

"Listen Sammy. Remember when Meg possessed you?" Dean tried another tactic.

"Yeah?" Sammy replied, wondering where this was veering off to.

"How you felt at first it was your fault?" Dean continued with his point.

Sammy nodded yes, even as he paled a little at the thought.

"Okay. While you were in… _while you were gone_… you remember how your body was alone for I long time before I found out it was back?" Dean asked, chewing slightly on his lower lip.

"You already told…" Sammy began.

Dean held up a hand to silence Sammy as he asked him point blank for the truth, "Sammy… Are you remembering anything from that time?"

Sammy instantly blushed, looking away as he thought about the prostitute he remembered paying.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to… what I need is for you to always remember…I won't get mad about anything… do you hear me… _I don't care_." Dean said trying to get Sammy to look him in the eye so he could see he meant it, _he didn't care_.

Sammy jerked his hand away and moved to pull away as he felt his confusion swirl with the butterfly panic raging in his stomach, leaving him feeling cold, "What…"

Dean tightened his grip on Sammy's neck as he repeated staring him in the eye, "I want you as my brother… nothing else will do. Can you give me that?"

Sammy stared at Dean a few seconds before a slow grin spread over his face. He pulled Dean into a hug as he whispered, "I think I can do that."

Dean finally started to relax when he was shoved so hard away from Sammy that he almost fell off the bed. "What the hell?" he muttered regaining his balance before looking at his brother.

"I don't think _he_ can." Sam stated coldly before adding, "Man, that was one hell of a pep talk. I didn't think you had that in you or I wouldn't have left you alone so long."

"Yeah , well…" Dean started as he put distance between them by moving off Sammy's bed and across to his own. Sitting down he faced Sam. "There's a lot you don't know about me."

"But I do know the same things Sammy knows. I have his memories." Sam said coldly.

"Then why did you get a tattoo that you had no idea what it meant? That D11 is a panic signal that Sammy uses when he's in deep shit and needs me to help him get out of…" Dean stopped and chuckled as he continued, "and you put it on your wrist…" Dean crossed his arms as he stared at Sam smugly.

Sam stood, clearly enraged, "That doesn't mean shit."

Dean stood as well as he snapped back, "It does to Sammy and it does to me."

"You know, I'm getting to where I'm not finding this fun anymore." Sam snarled, clenching his fists.

"Then leave." Dean growled right back without thinking.

"Now… that is a good idea. See you around brother." And Sam turned and took a step towards the door.

Dean snarled something unrecognizable as he lunged at Sam, grabbing him by the arm and swinging him around. At the surprised look, for a brief second he thought it was Sammy until the expression changed to pissed off and Dean knew it was still Sam.

Sam looked down at Dean's hand on his arm and then back up as he told Dean in a low voice, "Let go."

"You are not leaving here… not in that body. It doesn't belong to you." Dean growled as he held on to Sam.

"I disagree. Besides you can't stop me without hurting your precious brother. And you won't do that." Sam was very smug on this and very sure of himself.

"Then apparently you don't remember the last beat down I gave you." Dean drawled out softly as he narrowed his eyes to a glare.

Sam shrugged and jerked his arm away.

Before he had a chance to move Dean gave a shrug of his own and a soft, "Sorry, Sammy." Hauling back his fist he swung, holding back only slightly as he gave Sam a slug that landed between the jaw and the chin that knocked him out cold. Dean caught him and eased him to the ground.

Bobby rushed into the room as Dean was saying softly while he pushed bangs back off his forehead, "Sorry little brother… I'll fix this I promise."

"What happened?" Bobby asked kneeling beside them.

"Sam happened, can you get the panic room ready? Sammy and I are moving back down there until this is fixed." Dean told Bobby grimly.

"Sure, but what happened?" Bobby said, about to stand.

"Sam thought he was going to leave with Sammy. I convinced him to stay." Dean shrugged with a grin as he looked up at Bobby.

"I see that." Bobby stood back up. "just give me a few minutes."

"Thanks, Bobby." Dean said returning to watching Sammy.

When it was silent once more, he called Cas.

"Yes?" Cas asked standing there beside them .

"Have you found anything to fix this yet?" Dean asked, getting right to the point.

"Dean… I did warn you. You did not listen." Cas told him, flatly.

Dean snapped instantly more pissed off than when he'd been arguing with Sam, "Did you really expect me to? _It was Sammy_. What did you expect me to do?"

"Are you not listening? _You did not listen_. I expect you to listen to me… at least once in awhile." Cas said with a hint of frustration.

"Not about putting Sammy back together. I needed him… I need him to be okay." Dean told Cas finally looking at Cas with the Winchester puppy eyes.

"But _I need you _to listen to me. How can I fix this for you if you don't listen?" Cas shot back at him, trying to ignore that puppy pout.

"I'm listening. What do you want to say Cas?" Dean asked, tiredly.

"Nothing now. I don't know anything yet. The only way I know to fix this right now, is what I already told Bobby." Cas said in an emotionless voice.

Dean blinked hard a couple of times before he snapped peevishly, "You want me to listen but you got nothing to say… what a colossalfucking waste of time." He shook his head at Cas before adding, "Just help me move him to the panic room."

Cas frowned but leaned down to grab Dean's arm. He zapped them instantly to the panic room floor. Looking down at Dean he asked, "Is this better?"

Dean jerked him arm out of Cas' grasp. "No, this is not better, but it will do. When will you ever learn to warn me that your going to zap my ass…"

Cas looked confused as he said, "I thought you wanted your asses zap…"

Bobby laughed from where he was making the bed. Then sobering up told Cas, "It's alright Cas. That was the fastest way to get Sammy down here. Please keep working on a way to fix this for us. Then I might forgive you for being a…"

Cas nodded and disappeared.

"I wasn't done talking to him." Dean snapped sullenly.

"You mean you weren't done yelling at him." Bobby said with a smile as he straightened up, "Bed's done."

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer**: Never mine… dang it… What if I try the Winchester puppy pout?

**NOTE**: 1. With the stupid migraine attack I almost didn't post, but… please forgive me if I have boo boos that I missed… Let me know… gently, please… otherwise I might cry… (Smile) and I will fix them when my brain is less likely to explode… 2. Thanks so much for all the awesome reviews! Love them! Also coolness for the favs and alerts!

Chapter 11

Dean looked at Bobby and smiled as he asked, "I thought you were pissed at Cas?"

Bobby shrugged "As long as he helps you fix Sammy, I'm willing to cut him some slack." Bobby grinned back at Dean as he said, "Beside you can be a royal pain in the ass yourself to work with; maybe he learned it from you."

They put Sammy on the bed as Dean told Bobby. "I'm going to pretend you never said that." Then he asked, "Is the sleeping bags still down here?"

"Lets just pull another cot in here." Bobby said heading out the door.

"We had more cots?" Dean asked with a frown as he thought back to all the times he'd slept on the cold hard floor.

"Bought it last week… just in case." Bobby commented as he looked at Dean, then grinned once again as he turned and walked out the door.

As Dean and Bobby set up the cot near the one Sammy was on Dean asked, "So, you're really okay with us being here after what Sam did to you?" Dean asked, he'd been worried about it, but finally decided to ask.

Bobby reached out so quick and smacked him in the back of the head, "Ya idgit…" Bobby smiled at Dean's astonished look before he told Dean, "Sit down." They sat down next to each other but still where they could see Sammy.

"You remember when you found out that Sam had got that tattoo. You were thrilled that the body still recognized you and called out, right?" Bobby asked, taking the cap off and crushing it his hand.

"Yeah. It was good." Dean admitted glancing quickly at Bobby then stared down at his hands.

"Well, the reason he was trying to kill me… it was because Sammy thinks of me as a father… the body knew this… like he knew you. Understand? It means a lot to me that you think of me that way." Bobby was beet red by the time he was done, but he'd said what he wanted to say to Dean.

"Course we do Bobby. You're the only family we have left. I won't let anybody take you out… not even Sammy." Dean promised as he looked Bobby in the eye, and then turned slightly red himself, glancing back to where Sammy was still out.

Bobby nudged Dean's shoulder with his. To tell the truth Bobby's was feeling a little choked up to talk at the moment. Bobby had been worried about Dean and his feelings after what he'd done to Dean but he felt that was finally behind them.

"Now what are our plans?" Bobby asked after a few seconds as he too looked at Sammy.

"Well, we keep Sammy. There is no other option. We'll wing it as the rest comes along." Dean said with a nod towards Sammy's body because at the moment he had no idea if it was Sam or Sammy.

"Wing it?" Bobby says with a grin, "Well with a plan like that we can't loose."

They both sobered instantly as they watched Sammy sleep.

"You know that jaw is going to be sore. That's one hell of a bruise." Bobby commented.

Dean sighed as he commented, "I know, maybe I can convince him Sam hit him…"

Bobby shook his head with a grin, before his grin slid away to be replaced by a frown, "And if Sam wakes up instead of Sammy?"

Dean shrugged as he told Bobby, "I'll hit him again. He ain't going anywhere in that body."

"Cas better come up with something soon." Bobby said dryly.

"I know." Dean said simply.

Bobby sat there a few minutes then told Dean. "Why don't you try to get some sleep?"

Dean started to shake his head no.

"I can stay and make sure Sammy stays in here. Or I can lock you in until I wake up. It's up to you." Bobby told him, trying to give him different things to choose from.

Dean frowned as Bobby stood, clasping his shoulder before letting go and stepping back.

Dean looked up at Bobby as he told him quietly, "Just lock us in. I'll holler if we need something."

Bobby nodded, walking out. Turning he looked at Dean a few seconds before he grasped the door and shut it.

Dean sat watching and even though he'd been watching he still flinched when the door clanged shut, metal on metal and the bolt slid home. Then followed a shiver that seemed to be chased by a couple more. He rubbed his shoulders absentmindedly as Dean sat staring at the door thinking about how much he actually hated this room.

_The panic room_. It seemed they only used it to keep one of them from fucking up. De-toxing Sammy, more than once. Himself from giving everything up to the angels. _And now this._ He rubbed his face as he closed his eyes… all he wanted was Sammy. He'd never asked for riches, fame or fancy things… just to be left the fuck alone so he could be with his family.

A simple life… just being brothers… the family business. Which would have been the garage had nothing set their sights on the Winchesters, long before they were ever born. A mom, a dad, two brothers… Dean snorted. It seemed such a simple thing to want. A pretty dream… little girls dreamed of fairytales, not grown men.

He looked over at his sleeping brother. He looked so safe… so normal while he slept… so innocent. No one would ever guess by looking at the kid now that he could have seen such awful things or done even worse. Who would have thought as he watched him grow up, the puppy dog eyes shining strong when he saw injustice of any kind. The puppy dog pout… that was Sammy's classic look that melt young girls' hearts and apparently big brother's as well.

Was that why evil was so attracted to his brother? Because he'd been so good? Hell, the kid had even prayed every night and this was what he got for his troubles. Repeatedly knocked down and dragged back and forth through hell. Stomped on every time he tried to stand tall. Well, Dean was done. They had done their parts. Played the hands dealt them. By God, it was the Winchesters turn to win. Sammy deserved it and he was going to do his damndest to see he got his turn.

He was forced out of his reflecting by a moan from Sammy as he moved to touch his jaw area, "What the hell?" was snapped out in a I am pissed off and don't fucking touch me tone!

Dean came over to stand by the bed to decide which version of his younger brother he was going to get. "Sammy?" Dean asked cautiously.

"You fucking hit me you son of a b…" Sam snarled sitting up while rubbing his jaw.

"I'd stop right there unless you want me to finish the job." Dean snapped right back, interrupting before Sam could finish his sentence.

"Why don't you just forget you have a brother and go back to playing house and I'll go back to my life." Sam growled sitting up and moving away from Dean.

"That's just it, Sammy's back… so you aren't going anywhere with that body. You can leave anytime you like, just not with him." Dean clarified the situation once again for Sam.

"Anyone every tell you… _you _have an unhealthy attachment to your brother?" Sam said nastily.

"It may have been said once or twice… _like I give a shit_. Sammy is my little brother. I won't stop until he's back fully and in control." Dean shrugged before he finished his statement in a pose that was indifferent, like he could care less.

"Well," Sam himself gave a shrug. "I guess I'll just have to kill you." Sam lunged grabbing an unprepared Dean by the throat with both hands.

Dean slammed into the wall of the panic room, hitting his head against the metal. Momentarily stunning him.

"You just don't know when to quit, you bastard!" Sam snarled, pulling him forward by his throat and slamming him back again.

Dean hands went weakly to Sam's arms, trying to pull him loose, but the second hit to his head had him seeing flashing of colors like lightening… _huh_ he thought sluggishly, _I thought I was suppose to see stars…_

"Just die already so I can…" Sam suddenly stopped in mid sentence and froze. His hands loosening on Dean enough for him to breathe.

Dean gulped air as he watched Sam's face blank and the eyes turn vacant. "What the hell?" Dean muttered. Just then flashes of when Sam had taken over Sammy filtered in. Dean looked again trying to see a glimpse of his brother, "Sammy?"

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer**: Don't own the awesomeness of the Winchesters or Supernatural… just wishing… now where did that star go?

**NOTE**: Thank you for the coolest reviews always! Thanks everyone for favs and alerts as well… Did ya'll watch Supernatural last night? Whoa… stupid question… had a moment! Poor Sammy needs hugs and poor Dean he really tried with that sword, huh? I liked his solution. Can't do it any other way, blow that sucker sky high… (Hehe)

Chapter 12

"Sammy?" Dean repeated hoarsely, reaching up and trying to move Sammy's arms down. After getting them to lower he led Sammy to the cot, sitting him down he backed over to the other cot and sat down to watch Sammy. He wasn't sure if he would be getting Sam or Sammy when he woke up this time.

Sammy had been screaming furiously in his head at his other half… evil twin if you will, "Back the fuck away from him! No one will hurt him again not using me. It's not going to happen."

"Oh, yeah and who's going to stop me? You? Get real. You can't even control your own body unless I _give_ you the wheel. So how are you going to stop me from doing anything?" Sam stated smugly to Sammy.

"I just did you prick." Sammy snapped right back.

"Fluke… you couldn't do it again if you tried." Sam stated, crossing his arms.

"Really? Cause I'm the one still in charge right now." Sammy stated matter-a-factly.

"Yeah, but can you stay in charge?" Sam asked with a glare.

And the fight was on! Sammy's fist slammed into Sam's face and he hauled back to do it again but before he could get another solid punch leveled at Sam he slammed himself into Sammy throwing both of them to the ground. The air whooshed out of Sammy.

Dean jumped up and launched himself at Sammy as he fell backward and he gasped like he was trying to breathe and couldn't. He seemed to be having trouble getting air into his lungs. Dean grabbed his brother by the shoulders and leaned closer, "Sammy… just breathe for me brother… come on…"

"Do you hear that you bastard, _that's my brother_. He want's me around _not you_. I'm back to stay… _you leave_." Sammy demanded to Sam.

"Yeah, he wants you around now, because he wants to win… _to beat me_. But when he actually gets you back… He will change his mind. Look at all the evil you've done." Sam was trying to make Sammy doubt himself.

"Me? I didn't become a gun for hire… _that was you_." Sammy snapped angry that this copy of himself could bug him as much as he was.

"Oh, so you heard that did you? You and I are the same… we are part of each other. So, yeah you did. You are just as guilty as me." Sam said with a smirk.

It was enough of a nudge towards the guilt he was already fighting himself that he didn't see the elbow coming at his eyebrow until it actually hit him. Blood started gushing down over his eye.

Dean was brushing the bangs back yet again when his hand came up bloody. "What the hell?" Dean snarled, pushing bangs out of the way and looking for the cause. His hand froze as a cut grew wider even as he watched over Sammy's eye. He grabbed Sammy's shoulders and gave him a slight shake, "Wake up, Sammy… _right the fuck now_. You hear me? I mean business, Sammy." He took the corner of his shirt and tried to wipe the blood away, but there was so much to replace it.

"Bobby!" Dean yelled his voice filled with panic. Then he raised his voice again, "Castiel!" Dean yelled a second time, at this point not caring who came to help him as long as it was someone that could help him fix this and save Sammy.

Then all his concentration went back to Sammy. There was so much blood, with shaky hands he started murmuring softly to Sammy, "You need to wake up now, little brother… you got me freaked… okay, so wake up now."

The panic room door slammed open as Bobby ran through it, looking around in panic. The sight before him had him stumbling over to the boys. Dean and Sammy were both covered in blood. Sammy was out cold and Dean was freaking out while trying to look like he wasn't. "Dean, what the hell happened?"

Dean looked up at him with those Winchester eyes… the ones that Dean only thought Sammy possessed. Begging him to help him, to fix it for him and to tell him everything was going to be okay all rolled into one.

Bobby's hand automatically went to Dean's shoulder for a comfort squeeze.

Dean was still trying to stop the free flowing blood.

"Castiel!" Bobby bellowed, "Get your winged ass down here."

Dean cleared his throat as he told Bobby quietly, "Sam woke up and tried to kill me."

Bobby started swearing, then calmed enough to tell Dean, "Well son, you did what you had to. Sammy won't blame you."

"No… I didn't do this. Sammy did." Dean said as he continued to try to stop the blood.

"What?" Bobby said sitting on the edge of the bed; that made no sense to him.

"Sam was slamming my head into a wall and all the sudden he froze. I think Sammy took the wheel back from Sam and stopped him. Then he fell over like he couldn't breathe and started bleeding…" Dean couldn't stop the single tear from sliding down his cheek. "This is freakin' me out, I gotta tell you, Bobby. I can't get the bleeding to stop. I'm trying to keep constant pressure but…"

"CA…" Bobby started to scream before the electric swoosh swept the room followed by Cas. "About damn time, Castiel."

"My ass is not winged. Do you want to see where my wings are?" Cas asked Bobby, looking at him seriously.

Dean sighed as he said softly, trying to give a look that let Cas know he was sorry for being mean before, "No time for that Cas, please fix Sammy."

Cas looked down at Dean and Sammy for the first time, "What did you do?"

"_Cas_." Dean growled, really at the end of his patience.

Cas quickly touched Sammy's head as he closed his eyes to pray. A few seconds later he frowned down at them, "it is done."

"What Cas?" Dean asked his heart skipping a beat in panic at the look on Cas' face.

"I don't feel…" Cas stopped, tilting his head to the side before continuing, "I only feel a single presence." Cas said, still frowning.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Panic was now rolling in, Dean couldn't help but growl his question. If really only one was left, and that _one_ was Sammy then _hell, yeah_! Awesome… but the other possibility he couldn't… _wouldn't_ deal with.

"It means they have either merged into one or one of them has kicked the other one out." Cas said solemnly.

"I'd gathered that on my own. What I need you to do is tell me _which one won_. Is it Sammy?" Dean asked hesitantly as he looked hopefully up at Cas.

Cas silently placed his hand on Sammy's forehead, concentrating, searching… he almost saw a shadow of something, but when he went towards it, it had already disappeared. Then he saw the lone figure laid out on the floor. He shook the body with his mind. Confused puppy dog eyes stared back at him, blinking the confusion in his eyes like a neon sign. Cas smiled and backed out.

Looking at Dean as he healed Sammy's other cuts he told him, "He looked at me with dog eyes."

"What?" Dean asked confused, not comprehending for a moment what Cas was saying.

"You call it that when he looks at you like he wants you to fix the world for him…" Cas explained, serious expression intact.

Dean searched his brain before giving a slight smile as he corrected Cas, "Oh, puppy dog eyes… Cas… puppy. Check out the way a puppy looks at you sometime."

Cas shrugged as he stated, "Winchester puppy pout… got it, okay." and vanished.

Dean sighed as he looked at Bobby who had just come back into the room with wet towels as well as dry to get Sammy cleaned up.

"Well, what did he say?" Bobby asked as he dropped the towels beside the bed.

"It's over… I think. He says that it's only Sammy in there." Dean smiled that thousand watt smile that was a rarity these days and took a washcloth to gently wipe the blood off his brother's face as they waited for Sammy to wake up.

**TBC**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer**: Never mine… Kinda like never more, huh?

**NOTE**: Thank you for the reviews, as always… I love them! I appreciate the time you take to read and review. Thanks also for favs and alerts.

Chapter 13

Dean started to fidget as he waited impatiently for Sammy to wake up for the umpteenth time to see if it was really him. It was the never knowing of what was coming that was getting old. The waiting for an unconscious brother to wake and let him know… _this time _the dream was real. He wanted Sammy back… period. Nothing else was good enough.

Sammy moaned while he turned in his sleep as if trying to get comfortable. Dean rubbed gently with his knuckles across Sammy's cheek. He just wanted to know. He… _had_ to know. Sammy groaned, moving towards Dean's hand, as if recognizing his brother's touch. Dean smiled… _Sammy. _Only his little brother would respond like that, soul-less Sam never would.

Now, to wake Sammy up. He leaned down and whispered, "Sleeping beauty… it's time to wake up… you've slept long enough. If you don't wake up… I'm going to… to…" Dean tried to come up with something that would motivate his brother to wake up, "kiss you." Dean sat back up looking for any response at all; even the smallest movement would be awesome.

"Kiss?" Sammy mumbled as he opened his eyes to half mast and then blinked up at Dean, "I love ya Dean, but you're really…" Sammy grinned before he continued, "_Not_ my type."

Dean smirked as he patted Sammy on the chest, "I love you too. I'm glad you're back… this split personality thing was getting old… I'm so done with it. How about you?" Dean was waiting on Sammy's answer as he held his breath.

Sammy tilted his head as he thought about it; he searched his mind, trying to see if Sam was still around.

Dean started to fidget, then when he couldn't stand waiting any longer he asked, "Sammy?"

Sammy looked at Dean, starting to sit up.

Dean helped him sit up and Sammy asked, "Why does my jaw hurt?"

Dean shrugged as he smiled at his little brother, "I hit you… well, I hit _him_. Not you… but he was wearing you at the time. So is he gone?"

Sammy grinned as he told Dean, "I don't feel him anymore. I think he's gone."

Dean slapped him on the back and he replied happily, "Well, hot damn! It's about time! Let's go eat, I'm starving!" Then he pulled Sammy off the cot and they headed upstairs to the kitchen.

"Bobby," Dean yelled as he came through the basement door.

Bobby came hurrying out of the library as he rounded the corner; he stopped, staring at both of them before asking, "He back?"

Dean grinned as he cheerfully told him, "Yeah… we're starving Bobby. What have we got for grub around here?"

"Breakfast, lunch or dinner?" Bobby asked heading for the refrigerator.

Dean and Sammy looked at each other, grinning before turning and saying in unison, "Breakfast."

Bobby glanced over his shoulder as he said, "That's what I figured." He tossed a package of bacon on the counter that he already had in his hand.

Dean smirked as he said, "Yeah you know us so well." Then he walked over and got out the grill for the bacon while Sammy got down the plates to set the table.

Bobby looked at the boys funny as he asked, "You boys feeling okay?"

"Yes." Was said in unison again, causing Dean to throw back his head and laugh. It had been a long time since they had spoke in stereo. It was nice to hear and something Dean hadn't realized he'd even missed.

Bobby joined in and grabbed a spatula as he watched the boys interact with each other. It was like before Sammy had left for college.

Dean grabbed Sammy in a headlock and prepared to give him a noogie.

Sammy went limp and Dean instantly let go of Sammy's neck and gave out a panicked "Sammy."

When Dean had let go to grab him by his shirt front to keep him from hitting the floor, Sammy moved suddenly and grabbed Dean in a similar headlock as he crowed in victory, "Ha… I win."

Dean growled in mock anger, "Ya little shit!"

Sammy laughed as he held Dean in a headlock and gave him his own noogie.

"Boys… you going to help me or play all day?" Bobby asked with a smirk as he started frying up the bacon and pulling out the eggs to scramble.

Dean glared at Bobby as he said indignantly, "Play… _we don't play_. We train for battle… big, BIG difference." Dean stated firmly.

This sent Sammy into his own fit of laughter as he pointed at Dean snorting as he continued to snicker, "Real convincing there, Peter Pan…"

Bobby started grinning as he looked Dean up and down and had to agree with Sammy. Dean was standing in a classic Peter Pan pose.

"What the hell? You calling me a fairy? How could you Sammy… you know how I feel about… _them_. _We don't talk about them ever_!" He hissed at Sam.

Sammy choked back a laugh, "Peter Pan was a boy who went to Neverland to live because he didn't want to grow up. He lived with them, he wasn't one of them."

"Still… shut up, dude. I'm serious." Dean snapped going to the refrigerator and grabbing a beer.

"And why do we not talk about them." Sammy tilted his head and he scrunched up his face as he added, "ever?"

As Dean took a swig to hide a grin he thought silently, _damn it was good to have his little brother back. _Removing the bottle from his lips, he glanced at Sammy and Bobby. They had forged a family out of the fires of hell._ This is what they had all fought for._

He walked over to Bobby and patted him on the shoulder, leaning over Bobby's shoulder slightly as he stood cooking at the grill, he whispered, "Thanks, Bobby."

Bobby glanced quickly at Dean, then replied softly, "You're welcome, boy." then Bobby handed Dean a plate of bacon, "Set that on the table." and with a smirk added, "Keep your damn paws off until we all sit down."

Dean chuckled as he chugged his beer, thinking _like that will happen_. He sat the plate down, snagging a piece of bacon and shoving the whole thing in, before turning to throw his empty beer bottle away.

"Dean…" Bobby chided with a smile as he handed a plate of eggs to Sammy. _It was good to see them happy_.

Sammy commented with a shrug and a smirk, "Well, Bobby it's kinda like you gave the fox the keys to the hen house."

"Dude…" Dean turned from the trashcan with a mock offended look, "What's with the name calling… first a fairy then a fox?"

Sammy laughed at him as he said, "I missed you, man." while he plopped the silverware on the table.

Dean walked over and slung his arm across Sammy's shoulders, "We have a lot of catching up to do." giving him a squeeze he added, "You have no idea… I've missed you too, bro…"

Tears sprang into to Sammy's eyes as he said softly, "I'm so sorry, D."

Dean's hold tightened as he told his little brother, "No, Sammy… Just stay with me… promise you won't leave again."

Sammy smiled as he told his big brother, "I promise."

"Good, now that that's settled… let's eat." Bobby stated, sitting down the toast.

"Alright." Dean agreed, now that Sammy was back, he could eat without feeling guilty; he rubbed his hands together in gleeful anticipation. Food was almost as good as… _never mind_… Dean looked at Sammy and grinned. Ah, the simple things in life… never better.

They sat down and Dean started heaping food on his plate.

Sammy said, holding a hand out, "Wait… grace."

Dean looked around plate and fork frozen in mid-air, "What?" he asked confused.

Sammy blushed as he commented softly, "Grace. We need to say it this time. We have a lot to be thankful for… right?"

Dean stared a few seconds before saying with a grin as he sat his fork and plate on the table with a thud, "Whatever you want, Sammy. Grace it fucking is. Go ahead."

Sammy said slowly, "O…kay." Then he bowed his head and everyone followed suit, with both Bobby and Dean peeking at Sammy while he closed his eyes and began, "Dear heavenly father,"

Dean choked on a piece of bacon he'd snuck in his mouth. Bobby helpfully pounded him on the back as Sammy looked up startled.

"Go ahead." Dean coughed out with a glance at Sammy before he bowed his head again.

Once again, Sammy bowed his head and began, "Bless this meal, this home and Bobby. And please send a special blessing to my knucklehead big brother who really does mean well."

Dean gave a startled, "Hey." but was smiling as he looked up to watch Sammy once more.

"We thank you for all the blessings you have given us." Sammy said softly.

Dean frowned while thinking silently, _Blessings? They'd been through hell… literally. Repeatedly and Sammy was thanking him?_

Sammy continued unaware of the turmoil it had caused in Dean to hear him praying aloud, "Especially the blessings of being together with my brother and my…" he paused as he tried to figure out the best way to describe Bobby, he was so many things to them both, "Bobby." He smiled, as he finished grace, "Thank you for all that you've given us, Amen."

Bobby gave a chocked amen then concentrated on his plate.

Dean was now staring unblinking at Sammy.

**TBC**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer**: not mine…not. mine. dang. it!

**NOTE**: Thank you for all the fabulous reviews! Thank you as well for the favs and alerts! Any questions about my story just pm me; I'll answer and try my best to make things clearer for you. Thanks everyone!

Chapter 14

"What?" Sammy finally asked Dean after he felt Dean's gaze on him and it wasn't wavering.

"Nothin'." Dean commented then stared down at his food.

"Seriously, D… what?" Sammy asked again because he really wanted to know.

Dean sighed, put down his piece of bacon, then steepling his hands before he finally said, "Seriously after everything… I mean everything we've been through… you're thanking him… _seriously_?"

"Yeah," Sammy said quickly as he smiled at his brother.

"Well, I just don't get it." Dean stated with a genuinely confused expression on his face.

"What don't you get?" Sammy asked softly, trying to sound encouraging so Dean would finish what he had to say.

"You've had a target on your back practically from birth and you're thanking him for it." Dean replied as he shook his head in wonder.

"D, "he smiled as he gently told him, "I have a lot to be thankful for. It overrules everything else."

"Like what? What can be as great as that?" Dean asked with a frown, he really didn't get it.

Sammy smiled with all the genuineness of what had been the way Sammy was before at Dean as he said, "My big brother."

Dean's fork dropped to his plate as he jerked to his feet knocking his chair over in his haste. He looked at Sammy, a tear running down his cheek as he then turned and fled the room.

Sammy sat stunned a few seconds, as he heard the front door slam he raised his head to stare at Bobby.

Bobby smiled trying to ignore his own swelling tears as he told Sammy, "Well go get him."

Sammy smiled as he stood, dropping his napkin and racing after Dean. _What was going on in Dean's head_? He wondered. He knew Dean… Dean would head for the family security blanket… the impala. It was Dean's safe haven. Dean was in the front seat behind the wheel, hands gripping the wheel tightly as he rested his head on the wheel between his hands. Sammy stood watching Dean a few seconds but slammed back into motion when he realized Dean's shoulders were shaking which meant he had broken down and was crying. Dean rarely cried and when he did, Sammy worried. Yanking the driver's door open, he knelt beside Dean placing a hand on his shoulder.

Rubbing circles on Dean's back, he leaned in and said softly, "D… talk to me… What's wrong?"

Dean shook his head no and stiffened up, trying to stop any movement.

Sammy told Dean gently, "You can tell me anything… you know that, right? It won't change anything."

"I'm not a good big brother." He mumbled without moving from his current position.

Sammy sat back and stared, blinking before snapping, "Like hell you aren't! I wouldn't trade you for anything."

"You won't think so after." Dean said so softly that Sammy had a hard time hearing him.

"D… there's nothing you can say that will change my mind." Sammy repeated gently.

"I thought about killing you when I found out you were soul-less… _not about saving you_… I couldn't stand the uncaring…" He stopped for breath, but still wouldn't look at Sammy.

"You mean you were considering killing a body that no longer housed your brother. That something… you weren't sure of what it was, had taken over…" He rubbed Dean's shoulder, "It wasn't me, okay. You weren't thinking of killing _me_. _I wasn't there_." Sammy informed Dean.

Dean leaned towards Sam and Sam's forehead touched Deans', "We're okay… but…" Sammy looked at the impala, "It looks like she needs some TLC… you're slacking D… How about we give her the once over?" he stated as he switched subjects.

Dean looked up in surprise and then at the impala before grinning as he told Sammy, "Sure…"

Sammy stood and stepped back, leaving room for Dean himself to stand.

As Dean stood Sammy grabbed him in a bear hug telling him softly, "We'll be okay."

Dean's arms slammed into Sammy's back as he held onto his brother, "That's a promise I'm holding you to."

"jerk." Sammy whispered back.

Dean let go as he replied, "Bitch, let's get this started."

Sammy grinned as he asked Dean, "What first, inside or out?"

Dean smirked, _he could say so much to that question_, but he settled for, "How about I'll check over the engine while you pull out trash and organize the crap in the interior. Then we can go into town for parts and other stuff later."

"Other stuff?" Sammy asked as he started to lean in the front seat.

"Dude… beer run, of course." Dean spread his arms wide and grinned.

"Sounds like a plan, bro…" Sammy grinned back. _The impala was always the means to distract and then calm Dean_.

Dean opened the hood with a classic smile on his face. _This was the life_… working on his baby with his little brother. Nothing after them… no place to be… this was freakin' awesome!

Sammy asked Dean, "Hey, would you pop the trunk for me?" as he climbed out and headed for the trunk where Dean stood staring into the trunk.

Sammy looked over his shoulder, "What's wrong? Something missing?"

Dean glanced at Sammy. Finally he pointed to the back corner, "That's your stuff from before that you packed and put here. It hasn't been touched." Dean cleared his throat. "That's _his _stuff… you want me to get rid of it?"

Sammy tilted his head while he studied the bag before finally shaking his head no, "Maybe… let's look at it together. Maybe we can use some stuff for our… maybe it will be useful. Then we can get rid of the rest."

"Sounds like a plan." Dean picked up the bag and sat it on the ground beside the car. Then he reached into the back corner and pulled the bag… Sammy's bag, the one he hadn't touched since before the pit, forward. Somehow it snagged on something in the trunk and as Dean reached in to un-snag it a jolt of recognition hit him. The black cord in his hand was as familiar to him as the impala. He pulled it out of the side pocket of the bag. He held it uncomprehending in his hand as he stared at it. He'd left it in the trash in that motel.

He held the bag in one hand and the amulet in the other as he turned to stare at Sammy.

Sammy grinned nervously at Dean. He thought Dean would have gone through his stuff long ago and either found it and thrown it away or he would have worn it. He'd honestly hadn't thought about it and had forgotten it until Dean unearthed it.

Dean swallowed hard and then tried to talk, "You… you took… you kept…. Why?"

"IT meant…" Sammy was disappointed that was how Dean still felt. He thought maybe time…

"No… after all I said and did… you kept it…why?" Dean tried again to express what he wanted to say.

"D… it represented us…us as brothers… I couldn't let it go." Sammy said as he took a step back.

Dean dropped the bag and grasped the necklace before taking Sammy's hand and placing the necklace there, closing Sammy's fingers around it.

At Sammy's shocked look, Dean said, "I want it back… but I don't deserve it." Dean hung his head, turning he gripped the back of the impala and stared blurry eyed at the trunk.

Sammy stared at the back of Dean's head, _he wanted it back? But thought he didn't deserve it._ Sammy laughed as he grabbed Dean arm and forced him to turn around.

Once Dean was looking at him he told him, "It's always belonged to you." Sammy placed the amulet around Dean's neck. Once it rested where it always had Sammy placed his hand over it. "I'm glad you want _us _back."

"That's all I ever wanted, Sammy." Dean hugged him before playfully pushed away, "You've had your quota of chick flickness for the next decade."

"I don't know about that, I've got over a century to catch up on." Sammy smirked at Dean.

"Kill me now… "Dean groaned, holding his heart and laughing.

Sammy sobered instantly, "Not a chance old man… you got all of it coming."

"Old man?" Dean snorted, slugging Sammy on the arm.

"You are the older brother." Sammy commented, ducking out from under Dean's grab for a headlock. Dancing back he smiled, "I think I see a grey hair…"

"You ass." Dean grinned back as he headed towards the front of the car, "Let's see what you remember about carburetors."

The next several hours were spent tuning up the car and cleaning her out. By the time they were done, they only had the two bags sitting on the ground, ready to be taken in to go through.

**TBC**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer**: STILL not mine... I lost that dang star but when I find it...

**NOTE**: Thans so much for all the amazing reviews! It blows me away! Thanks as well for the favs and alerts... I forgot to use spell check so I apologize for any typos right now!

Chapter 15

Walking back to the house they each carried a bag. Sammy's his own and Dean Sam's bag. Sitting down at the kitchen table where Bobby was sitting drinking coffee and reading a book, Dean asked as he dropped Sam's bag on the floor next to his foot then up to Sammy, "Are you ready for this? We can do this later."

Bobby looked up curious as to what Dean was referring to when he noticed Dean's amulet, "I thought you lost that on that trip to heaven."

"I thought I had." Dean smiled as he gripped it tight in one hand as he continued, "But Sammy found it for me. It was in his bag."

"Oh." Bobby commented and then pretending to go back to reading, while really watching them.

Sammy set his bag on the table as he said with a frown, sitting down, "I don't even remember what I put in here. I think I left most of my stuff upstairs."

Dean smiled as he pulled Sammy's bag toward himself, "Well, lets find out." As he unzipped the bag and looked in he stopped breathing. Laying right on top was an envelope with just his name on it. He slowly reached in and pulled it out. He found another underneath with Bobby's name. He stood up and handed Bobby his. Clutching his in one hand, he told Sammy, "You trying to collect on chick flicks by having a freakin' marathon?"

Sammy paled as he squeaked out, "D…" He stood as well as he tried to grab the envelope from Dean.

Dean held it out of reach as he took his other hand to hold Sammy back as he told him stubbornly, "It has my name on it… it's mine."

"Yeah, but I'm back, you don't need to read it." Sammy whined, still trying to take it away.

"Mine." Dean stated firmly, sticking it in his waistband , so it wouldn't bend.

Sammy looked pleadingly at Bobby as he said, "Bobby." as he reached for Bobby's letter.

Bobby's response was to place it in the book he was reading, closing it. Standing he took his book in one hand, coffee in the other, "Boys." He nodded at the them and went to the library.

Sammy lunged for the bag and tried to zip it back up, sounding almost in a panic. "I remember what in there now. We don't need to look at it."

Dean yanked it back as he replied quickly, "Yeah we do. Should have done this a long time ago."

Sammy frowned at Dean as he tried to overt Dean's mission, "Well, how about we talk about Lisa and Ben then… what happened there?"

Dean flinched but didn't let go as he told Sammy, "It didn't work out and that's low, Sammy. You can't distract me."

"But D, you don't like sappy, chick flicky stuff and this…" He yanked at the bag as he whined, "Is a whole bag of it."

"Really?" Dean asked, oddly even more curious than before. If Sammy thought it was sappy, _hell it must be marinated in sappiness_.

Dean peered into the bag, he pulled out the first thing he came to… a school yearbook. He looked at it in shock. Flipping it open it had autographs to him. On one of the front pages was him and Sammy after he'd won the championship baseball game, "How the hell did you get this?"

"I called the old lady that used to be our landlady. She kept it and some other things. The rest of it is upstairs in our room. It's in the letter." Sammy said blushing. It was the only yearbook Dean had ever gotten, let alone the only one he'd been in. He been devastated when they couldn't go back for it.

"She's still alive?" Dean asked, trying to think to grasp what he was seeing.

"She was a year and a half ago." Sammy replied honestly.

Dean asked simply, "Why?"

"Dean…" Sammy said his name in a pleading voice, looked like he didn't want to answer.

"Sammy…" Dean replied in kind tone, waiting for Sammy to give up and tell him.

"I thought I was going to… I wasn't sure what was coming and I wanted to let you know how I felt… since I wasn't sure…" Sammy stopped talking and walked over to the sink. Gripping the counter he stared down into the sink.

Dean walked over and turned him by his arm as he asked, "You wasn't sure what, Sammy?"

Sammy sighed as he told Dean, "I wasn't sure how you felt about me."

Dean's breath caught as he struggled to breath and talk and not cry all at the same time, he finally managed to squeek out, "I'm so sorry for that, Sammy. That you didn't know…" His breath hitched, "That I made you feel…' A tear slid down Dean's cheek, "That you ever had any doubt…" Dean lower lip started trembling as he took in a ragged breath.

Sammy shook his head as he told Dean, "D… it's okay. I deserved it."

"No…" Dean yelled, then he stopped took a couple of breathes and began again, "No, you didn't. You weren't the only one who made mistakes. I need you to know…" Dean stopped and smiled, trying not to let another tear go as well as biting his lower lip to stop the trembling he finally said, "I love you… I never stopped. I won't…" Dean looked away, turning to walk away.

"D." Sammy whispered, barely loud enough to hear, but loud enough that Dean heard, Dean whipped back around to stare at Sammy, "Thank you." Sammy said just as softly.

Dean nodded and replied, "_Thank you…" _Dean stated dramatically trying to defuse the seriousness of the moment_, _"for the chick flicky bag of sap sitting on the table." Dean took Sammy's arm, "Lets go check out the rest."

They ended up with a bag of Dean's stuff that he had thought had long since thought was gone forever ago to Sammy's most prized possessions, including pictures of his college days that friends had sent him after the fire and ones that had been saved right after.

"When did you get all this?" Dean asked, curious that he didn't remember seeing it since he left the stuff behind.

"When we'd move and dad would say we only could take so much. You always had piles… stuff you didn't want, stuff you wanted to keep and stuff you took." Sammy said as he shifted uncomfortable in his seat.

"Okay?" Dean said softly, thinking back to those times.

"Well, what you took was the smallest amount. You left a pile with regret time after time. So, I took stuff that I knew you really liked and brought it here. Bobby said I could leave whatever here. It was our room, so he didn't care what we put in it." Sammy said as he started to turn red again.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dean asked, confusion showing plainly on his face.

"Because you would have called me a girl and then you would have stopped doing the piles because you wouldn't want me to leave my stuff for yours." Sammy said matter of factly.

Dean smiled, Sammy was dead on. That's exactly what he would have done. "You're something else, brother." he told Sammy with a smile.

Dean stood as he told him, "How about you take me upstairs and show me just how much of our childhood you managed to squirrel away here at Bobbys'."

Sammy smiled as he replied, "You'd be surprised."

"I already am, considering I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me after we got back on the road together?" Dean asked still curious.

"Well, the timing was never right." Sammy told him seriously.

"So, it was right to tell me in a letter after you took a pit plunge?" Dean asked, grabbing his yearbook off the table as well as grabbing the bag off the table.

"No, I should have told before and since I been back… I hadn't thought about it." Sammy told him flatly.

Dean looked at Sammy as he told him. "Fair enough, grab that other bag… we can go through it in our room."

As they walked out, Bobby was leaning against the doorframe of the door he left from earlier. He'd known that Sammy was keeping 'treasures' in the room he'd given them. He just hadn't known most of those were actually Deans. His boys never ceased to amaze him at their unselfish love for each other.

He thanked the day John Winchester had staggered into his life carrying his two little boys. The had both needed shoulders to rely on. Both had lost the women they'd loved to something they had been unaware of until after it was too late. Together they had tried to keep the boys safe. He was the only one left. Their group who had taken turns caring for John and the boys. Caleb and Jim and even John was gone. He was the lone survivor. It was now his job and it was one he was not willing to fail at. He looked down at the letter in his hand. He turned to go back into the library to place it in the safe. He wasn't ready to read it yet. Sammy had said goodbye to him and to his brother. He was one of the chosen and he wouldn't let the boys down.

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer**: They do not belong to me, They do not belong to me, They do not belong to me... maybe if I repeat that often enough I will remember that!

**NOTE**: This is so amazing! This has been an awesome experience and I want to thank everyone that has read and is continuing to read my stories! Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! As always thanks for the favs and alerts! Snowed in again! Ugh!

Chapter 16 

Later that night Sammy had fallen asleep on Dean's bed as they talked about all the things Sammy had kept from that nomatic childhood of theirs.

Dean shook his head, he was still shell shocked by the sheer magnitude of all that Sammy had kept hidden from him.

Dean never would have guessed… had never guessed that just like Dean had tried to give Sammy a childhood, Sammy had preserved Dean's for him. He was humbled by Sammy's determination to give him normal memories. Dean smiled as he sat propped up beside Sammy against the headboard. _They were going to make it_. He thought, Maybe it was okay to relax a little now, take some Sammy and Dean time. Dean could feel the anxiety melt away as he grew sleepy. It was now safe to sleep. Before he realized it he was asleep.

Sammy jerked himself awake sometime later feeling like he was being crowded off the bed. He pushed at what appeared to be holding him down. Whatever it was pushed back as it groaned. Sammy's eyes shot open, _Dean_. He looked down_, yep, Dean was asleep next to him_, arm slung across his chest. Looking around he realized he was in Dean's bed. He scrunched his nose up as he thought. They'd been talking about the past… about the mementos and things Sammy had brought and hid here at Bobby's.

Sammy managed to get out from under Dean's arm without him waking up. As he glanced down, he saw the envelope he'd addressed to Dean so long ago now. He picked it up. Turning it over he noticed that Dean hadn't read it yet. He could get rid of it and Dean… he shook his head and smiled as he started to lay it back down, Dean would never forgive him.

"That's mine, you know." Dean said from a propped up position on one elbow as he watched his little brother.

Dropping the letter back on the nightstand, Sammy grinned as he started to tell Dean, "I was just…"

"Don't even think about it, Sammy. It's mine. Leave it alone. Don't write stuff and address it to someone if you don't want them to actually read it." Dean sat up as he talked to Sammy while leaning over he grabbed the letter and then climbed out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Sammy asked as he watched Dean climb out of bed and walk over to the door.

"What? You think you were the only one with hidey holes here?" Dean asked then turned and left the room.

Sammy stared after Dean for a few seconds before following Dean out of the room and downstairs.

He heard the front door slam behind Dean and went looking for coffee in the kitchen. _Bobby must be already up_, Sammy thought. A full pot of coffee sat ready to drink. He put in the cream and sugar and was stirring it into his coffee when Dean came back in.

Sammy smiled at Dean as he told him, "The 'pala is not a hidey hole, Dean."

Dean made a face at Sammy as he asked him, "How do you know I went to the impala? There are a million places to hide things here." He finished, jutting his chin out slightly.

Sammy grinned as he challenged, "Just tell me I'm wrong."

"Shuddup, Sammy." Dean grinned, grabbing his own cup and pouring himself coffee.

Bobby walked in and stared at the grinning Winchesters, it was a nice thing to see. "Boys, what are your plans today?"

Dean spoke up as he propped himself up against the counter, "We're going to town for a beer run and oil for the impala. You need anything?"

"Well, I was going to ask you boys to help me reorganize my books. A friend is getting out of the business and she's sending me her collection. It should arrive any day now. I need to figure out a way to organize what I have so that I can fit hers in too." Bobby said, getting his own cup of coffee after Dean scooted down out of the way of the coffee while he talked.

"Her?" Dean's eyebrows shot up. "Do we know her?" Dean asked, interested about Bobby's 'friend' they were just now hearing about.

"Kitty Montgomery. I've known her since I got in the business. It was actually her library I used before I got my own. If I don't have a text, I can call her and she has it. This addition will make mine the best in the country." Bobby said with a smile when he thought of that accomplishment. "She's sending all her research requests my way as well. So, I was hoping that…" Bobby stopped talking long enough to clear his throat and then continued, "With the added research, I need extra help. I need a partner for the salvage part, Dean. I also need a research partner, Sammy…" Bobby sat his cup down on the counter as he asked, "Would you boys be interested?"

The boys looked at each other and made a eye contact then looked back at Bobby.

Dean said as he looked from Bobby back to Sammy, "Us… settling down?"

"You've done it before. It seemed to fit you… except this time. Sammy will be here." Bobby said, picking his cup back up and sipping from it as he watched them over the rim of his coffee cup.

"So, we get out of the business and make this home base?" Sammy asked to clarify.

"This has been your unofficial home base for years… I'm just suggesting making it permanent." Bobby said taking his cup and going back into the library.

Sammy looked at Dean as he told him, "You could work on cars…"

Dean nodded and then added, "And you could stick your nose in musty old…"

Sammy laughed as he told Dean, "So, we've decided."

Dean sat down his cup and slung an arm across Sammy's shoulders as he replied, "Looks like, little brother… looks like."

They wandered into the library to search out Bobby. Bobby had already taken all the book of the shelves and was looking around at the stacks.

"Maybe we can build more shelves… on that wall; we can fit one, floor to ceiling." Dean suggested pointing while he talked, "What about the hallway in front of the stairs and then the opposite wall from that?" Dean added as he made another suggestion.

Bobby looked at him funny before telling him, "I trust you with any car that comes in and any car out there… but building…"

Dean laughed when he told Bobby, "I did construction for a year, Bobby. I think I can manage a few shelves."

Bobby smiled as he responded, "Okay…what about you go order the lumber in town and later I'll go get it. Let's takes some measurements and figure out the best places for shelves. Sammy you got any ideas?"

Sammy was staring out the window… just standing there.

Bobby and Dean stopped moving towards the door and Dean made it over to Sammy in a couple of hurried strides. He touched Sammy's arm.

Sammy looked down at Dean's hand on his arm.

"Sammy, what's up, dude?" Dean asked concerned, real close to the line of panic.

Sammy looked back up at Dean, as a tear slid down his cheek.

Unease skyrocketed into fear as Dean looked at Sammy. His grip tightened on Sammy's arm as he asked, "What's wrong, bro?"

"I just can't trust that it will be this easy… to walk away. I've tried before Dean… it was…" Sammy answered then stopped as his breath hitched when he tried not to cry.

"But each time, we did it alone. This time it's me and you… the Winchesters boys… we do it together this time." Dean stated peering into Sammy's face. "Okay… together?"

Sammy smiled briefly before looking back out the window.

"Sammy?" Dean gave him a slight shake as he said his brother's name.

Sammy turned from the window while he patted Dean's hand he whispered, "You and me."

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer**: Don't own, not mine, can't have… have I forgotten anything… oh, yeah… never!

**NOTE**: I wanted to celebrate getting over 100 reviews so I decided to post 2 Chapters today! Thank you so much everyone! Favs and alerts too. Hotshow, here's what you asked for… Boo…

Chapter 17

Dean was officially worried. He wasn't sure what was going on in Sammy's head, but he wanted to keep him close. After Dean and Bobby discussed the where and how and measured the areas for the new shelves; Dean sat down beside Sammy on the stairs.

He shoulder bumped Sammy as he asked him, "You ready to go to town?"

Sammy looked at Dean and nodded yes. Standing, he pulled Dean up by his outstretched hand he had clasped. Letting go he turned and started towards the door only to stop and stare unseeing into the library.

Bobby came out of the library and patted Sammy's arm as he asked, "You going with your brother or do you want to hang out with me?"

Dean frowned as he informed Bobby, "He's coming with me, huh, Sammy?" He didn't know why he had the sudden desire to not let Sammy out of his sight.

Sammy slowly looked at both of them as he told them in monotone, "I think I will go lay down… I'm tired."

Dean felt a wave of concern as he told Sammy, "I'll just wait until you feel like…"

Sammy waved off the concern as he told him, "Dean its ok… I'm just going to lie down while you're gone. We can do what we talked about when you get back, k?"

Dean continued to frown as he started to reply, "I don't…"

Bobby interrupted him as he stated jokingly while he tried to ease Dean's rising panic, "I'll baby-sit…"

Sammy groaned, smacking Bobby playfully as he stated, "I'm just tired… it's not like…" He suddenly paled then said, "I'm just tired." He then turned and walked back up the stairs.

Dean stood at the bottom of the stairs, watching Sammy until he disappeared. Then he turned to Bobby as he chewed his lower lip before saying worriedly, "Maybe I should stay…"

"Go check on him and then decide." Bobby stated, watching Dean all the while knowing Dean wouldn't be comfortable leaving until he made sure Sammy was okay.

"Yeah, okay." Dean replied distractedly as he scrambled up the stairs. Rushing to the room he was surprised to find Sammy already laying down and appearing to be asleep.

Dean walked over and said quietly, "Call me if you need me, Sammy. I'll have my cell on. I'll make it quick, bro."

He stood a few seconds longer as he watched Sammy. Sammy wasn't moving… so maybe he really was asleep… just exhausted. But Dean knew he wouldn't be comfortable until he was back with Sammy. In order to do that he had to leave first. But this would be the first time he'd left since Death had reassembled him. It made him feel very nervous. After a few seconds more, he turned and walked to the door. Turning back he stared at Sammy a little longer before slowly heading back down stairs.

Bobby met him at the bottom of the stairs as he asked, "Well?"

Dean replied quietly, "He appears to be asleep. I just… I haven't…" Dean bit his lip and looked back up the stairs.

Bobby said softly as he patted him on the shoulder, "I know, kid. But you need a few to yourself. Stop off and get a beer at the bar… maybe play a game of pool. Relax for a few hours. Sammy's just going to sleep. You can wake him up when you get back… okay?"

Dean nodded yes, but they both knew Dean would be back in record time; because Dean was just wired that way.

Dean finally made it out to the impala. Damn she looked good gleaming in the sun like that. He realized he'd missed her. He slid his hand along her side as he walked. He could almost swear he felt an electrical charge surge through his fingertips at the contact as if she was responding to his touch. He smiled at the silly thought and opened the driver's door. Climbing in, he nestled into the seat. A smile playing on his lips as he slid the key in and turned her over. Listening to her purr his grin grew. His hands caressed the wheel before settling in one spot. He let the purring of the motor wash over him, calming his battered nerves. After a few more seconds he shifted into gear and revved her up as he sped out of the yard and down the drive. He smiled at the trail of dust he left billowing up behind him. He let his foot get heavier as he sped faster down the road. He was actually surprised at how quickly he made it into town.

He stopped at the auto parts store and had the lumber ordered for pickup and was just coming out of the grocery store when he decided to call Bobby to check in. Putting the groceries in the trunk he pulled out his cell as he closed the lid. Turning he leaned against the back end of the impala as he waited for Bobby to pick up.

"Yes, Dean?" Bobby answered in record time, but to Dean it seemed a long time.

"He still asleep?" Dean asked, trying to mask the worry in his voice.

"You got that beer in hand, yet? Played a round of pool?" Bobby asked, changing the subject.

At Dean's silence, Bobby continued, "Yeah, I didn't think so. He's still sleeping. I just checked. No fever either… I checked, pulse normal." Bobby added before Dean had a chance to ask.

"He slept through all that…" Dean's asked as his worry edged up a notch.

"No, he woke up long enough to tell me to leave him the hell alone. He's fine. Tired is all. I will keep an eye on him… I promise." Bobby stated emphatically.

Dean smiled as he told Bobby, "Okay, old man… I have another stop, and then I'll be there."

"Dean… bar… relax." Bobby ordered. But he knew it was like trying to talk to John when he was determined about something. Impossible.

"See ya in a few, Bobby." Dean stated as he closed his phone. He quickly made it into the car and was headed on to his next stop.

The liquor store took only a few minutes and he was back on the way to Bobby's house. He popped in AC/DC in the deck and was looking back in the rearview mirror and what he saw caused him to slam on the brakes as he yanked the impala over to the side of the road.

Looking in the mirror _it_ was still there and _it _was sitting there staring at him. He gripped the wheel closing his eyes as he took a couple of deep breaths. How could anything get in his car? He kept it locked. He opened his eyes. He was tired; he was seeing stuff that wasn't there. Period. He told himself as he tried to rationalize the thing in the back seat.

He turned around as he looked at the middle of the backseat. _Shit_! It was still there.

He stared at it as it stared at him. Finally he glared at it as he asked, "What do you want? What are you? A shape shifter of some kind? You heard we're retiring and decided to test it? Well… say something…" Dean demanded, angry at this new development.

It stared at him a few seconds, tilted its head and… _meowed._

"That's it… out of my car, right now!" Dean slammed his door open and yanked open the back door. He stuck his hand in to get the cat or whatever it was… out of his car. "Ow!" Dean yelled, pulling his hand back, holding it to his chest staring at the bloody lines on the back of his hand, "You furry little son-of-a… _come here_." Dean leaned in and made another grab for the furry thing that was masquerading as a cat.

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer**: Do not belong to me… ever. I like to jump in the sandbox and steal them for a little while, but I always bring them back. Girl Scout's honor! (Yes, I really was one and a Brownie before that)

**NOTE**: Thank you all so much for the awesome reviews! Hope you like the extra chapter yesterday in thanks for reaching over 100 reviews! I really appreciate the time taken to read and review! And of course the comments are awesome to read! Thanks as well to favs and alerts. To hotshow, who wanted the cat… enjoy!

Chapter 18

The cat made a mad dash for under the passenger seat. Dean climbed into the car and went to stick his hand under the seat after the thing. It was so not staying in his car! The cat hissed and slapped at his hand. Dean yanked his hand back as he cursed and then he tried again. The cat hissed again and then bit him causing a whole new flood of curses and then he climbed back out of the car. Slamming the back door shut he glared at the back of the seat now hiding the cat from view. He looked at the claw and bloody teeth marks. Did the cat have rabies? Maybe that's why it was freakin' insane!

_How had it gotten into a locked car? Wasn't… didn't black cats belong to witches_? He speed dialed Bobby to verify his thoughts.

"Yes, Dean. He's still asleep." Bobby answered automatically before Dean even got a chance to talk.

"Bobby, black cats… are they familiars of…" Dean rushed out not even responding to Bobby's statement because he needed answers quick.

"What? What are you talking about?" Bobby asked, confused by Dean's change of direction. He had been so centered on Sammy all morning; this was throwing him off balance to say the least.

"Black cats… _listen to me_… this is… I was on my way home. I glance in the rearview mirror and there staring back at me is a fucking black cat. At first I thought it was some kind of weird shape shifter, but Bobby… It won't get out of the car; it refuses… how did it get in a locked car in the first fucking place!" Dean ranted, throwing his hands up in the air to emphasis his point as he paced back and forth beside the car.

"Whoa… slow down Dean. _It refuses_? Did it tell you…?" Bobby said slowly and deliberately; he was beginning to think Dean had cracked under all the pressure he'd been trying to deal with lately.

"Bobby…" Dean groaned as he told Bobby, "It attacked me… it's vicious."

"Where is it now?" Bobby asked, suddenly concerned that Dean had picked up something supernatural.

"Under the passenger seat." Dean said softly as he glanced through the window into the back floorboards once again.

"Where are you?" Bobby asked, trying to figure out exactly what was happening to Dean.

Dean turned red as he stayed silent.

"Dean? Where are you?" Bobby repeated at Dean's silence.

"Outside the car." Dean mumbled, it sounded stupid now that he was actually explaining it to someone else.

Bobby tried not to let Dean hear the snicker, but it came across the line anyway.

"It's not fucking funny. I need it out of my car." Dean snapped as his anger overrode his embarrassment.

"Can you make it back here?" Bobby asked before snickering, "Or do I need to wake up Sammy and bring the tow truck?"

Dean growled even more embarrassed, "Shuddup, Bobby. I'm on my way."

Bobby chuckled as he told Dean, "Well if you aren't here in fifteen… we'll come looking."

Dean didn't bother to reply, instead he shut his phone as he mumbled under his breath, "Damn it… just wait, I'll make him get the damn thing out of my car."

Dean glanced in and didn't see it. He climbed in and gently closed the door. Not wanting to startle the monster under the seat into coming out after him.

Driving the rest of the way was stressful for Dean. Halfway there it crawled out from under the seat and sat in the passenger floorboard staring at him. Dean tried to ignore it, but when it climbed into Sammy's spot in the passenger seat, he nearly climbed out the window. _What the hell did it want_? Dean was definitely not a chicken shit but this… this was creepy. It was solid black with gold eyes… like a panther. Not yellow, but a deep golden… _weird. _He'd never seen a cat with those color eyes.

The next five minutes went excruciating slow for Dean. Finally turning into the drive he floored it to the front door. Slamming on the brakes at the front door the impala slid to a stop. Throwing the driver's door open he lunged from the car before it had even stopped rocking from the sudden stop and killing of the engine.

Bobby was waiting on the porch when Dean made his grand entrance. He met Dean at the front of the car.

"Dean you okay?" Bobby asked this time no mirth visible as he clasped Dean's shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. He could see how upset Dean was.

"No." He snapped as he told Bobby as he glanced toward the car. "I don't know what it is…"

"I thought you said it was a cat?" Bobby asked his confusion showing as he too looked at the impala.

"Then how did it get in a locked car?" Dean asked suspiciously.

Bobby walked around the driver's door and looked in at the cat staring back at him. He watched it and when it meowed at Bobby, he turned to Dean as he told him, "I think it's just a plain cat."

"Well, I want to know for sure." Dean snapped as he glared at Bobby for the traitor he was. He was suppose to side with him, not a damn cat he didn't even know.

"Cas." Dean called while he waited he tapped his foot. His nervous energy could almost be felt like a static electric charge surging through the air, bouncing off everything it got near and then rebounding back to Dean, amping him up even further.

Bobby started to reach in for the cat when Dean said, "I wouldn't suggest it."

Bobby pulled his hand back as he asked, "Why?"

"That's when it went after me." Dean stated seriously, staring intently at Bobby.

Sammy came out onto the porch as he asked, "What's going on? Why'd you come tearing in here like the… like something was after you?"

Dean grimaced as Bobby smirked when he told Sammy, "No just a kitten."

"What?" Sammy asked confused as he came down the steps of the porch toward them.

"That is no kitten. It's a hellcat." Dean declared pointing at the car angrily.

Sammy's face lit up as he asked, "Really? A kitten?" and Sammy walked past Dean for the car. He clambered into the car and snatched up the cat before anyone could stop him.

"No, Sammy, its danger…" Dean shut his mouth as he skidded to a stop beside Bobby and stared. Sitting there Sammy had the cat snuggled up against him. The thing was wagging its tail like a dog and purring. It snuggled against Sammy, pushing its head up under Sammy's chin.

"Well, I'll be damned." Bobby muttered as he watched Sammy with the cat.

"What'd you say, D?" Sammy asked smiling as he looked at Dean, waiting for Dean to respond all the while petting the purring cat.

Dean reddened once again as he muttered, "Nothing." with a shake of his head.

Sammy climbed out of the car and headed back to the house. Turning at the front door, Sammy smiled at them, "Thanks, guys. I love her." Then he went in talking softly to the cat.

Dean held up his hand as if to stop Sammy, but dropped it back down before he said anything.

"What Dean?" Bobby asked at the look on Dean's face.

"We need to make sure it's safe. That it's just a cat." Dean told Bobby in a hushed voice.

"What else would it be?" Bobby asked as he stared at Dean, waiting for his answer.

"Bobby we just need to make sure." Dean said wearily as he frowned towards the house.

Bobby patted him on the back as he said, "Sure Dean."

"We can't keep it, can we?" Dean asked hoping that Bobby would agree that it had to go.

"If Sammy wants it." Bobby shrugged; he didn't really care as long as it was safe.

"What about your dogs?" Dean tried again, wanting Bobby to say that it was he agreed with him; it couldn't stay.

"I think they'll be smart enough to leave it alone. If not it's their own damn fault." Bobby said with a smile as he walked over to his newest dog, Rumy II. "Ain't that right boy." He said as he rubbed the dog's head.

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer**: Dang it all, still trying to catch that falling star...

**NOTE**: Thank you all so much for all the wonderful reviews! I love reading them and responding to them... I hope I manage to answer everyone's questions... Thanks as well to the favs and alerts.

Chapter 19

Dean wondered why Cas hadn't shown up as he stared at Sammy and _it_. The cat was currently sleeping in Sammy's lap as he sat in the recliner leisurely stroking the cat's back. Sammy was actually looking more relaxed than he had in awhile. Huh? _He _wasn't feeling relaxed at all.

"Sammy?" Dean sat down on the couch beside the recliner and leaned back to watch Sammy with the darn thing.

"Yeah?" Sammy asked opening his eyes to stare at Dean.

"Ya feel anything from the cat?" Dean asked cautiously as he continued to watch them both.

"Like what?" Sammy asked, interested in the conversation for the first time it seemed.

"I don't know… anything weird? It showed up in my locked car. Isn't that a little strange to you?" Dean asked as he looked down to stare at the cat.

"Well… is it possible it snuck past you when you were getting in the car?" Sammy questioned as he smiled at Dean.

Dean looked back up to stare at Sammy. He knew better but it seemed to be relaxing him and making him happy so he conceded, "Yeah, maybe."

Sammy seemed to relax even more as he told Dean quietly, "I could get used to this."

"This?" Dean questioned as he looked at the expression on Sammy's face.

"You and me in one place… do you miss them?" Sammy asked as he stared at Dean.

"What?" Dean asked because he was confused by the quick switch in topic.

"Do you miss them? Lisa and Ben?" Sammy asked still watching Dean face for the answer he knew Dean wouldn't give.

"No." Dean lied automatically. While he loved them and wanted to be with them, the whole time he wished he was anywhere Sammy was.

"D… is it my fault you left them?" Sammy asked even though he was afraid to hear the answer.

"No." Dean stated emphatically. "You had nothing to do with it. I wasn't suited for that life, you know that. I told you it wasn't meant to be." Turning away to stare out the hallway door and then he stood quickly as he thought of a way to change the subject. "I'll be right back." He came back a few minutes later with the first aid kit. "We need to clean those cuts and rebandage those wrists."

Sammy sighed as he held out the wrist closest to Dean as he waited patiently for Dean to finish his stall tactics.

Dean finished the first wrist and walked around to sit on the couch as he did the second one. It seemed too quick for Dean because he was soon done. As he started putting away the kit Sammy cleared his throat.

"But, D… from the memories that are surfacing you was happy. You had gotten over my… me…" Sammy started right back up where Dean had stopped the conversation as he struggled to find the words to say what he wanted to.

Dean jumped up and grabbed Sammy by the shoulders, startling the cat awake. She hissed and slapped at Dean's arms. Sammy laid a hand on her back, instantly calming her. She lay back down and stared at Dean.

"Every damn day… every minute I was missing you. Thinking of ways to get you back, feeling guilty for not doing _something_… _anything _to get you back. I was playing house and a part of me was happy… a small part… but most of me…" Dean's breath hitched and he took a deep breath before he continued, "just wanted my brother."

Sammy nodded but said nothing as he looked at Dean… then in an almost whisper as he looked away he said, "After everything I've done to you wouldn't it be better for you to be able to call it quits? You've done it before… after…"

"Sammy that wasn't… I needed a break because I felt… _I felt betrayed_… okay. But I didn't want… I only wanted space not you gone…" Dean stood up and ran a hand through his hair as he continued, "Sammy, I thought we were good. When I left earlier you were fine… what the hell happened?" Dean asked in frustration mixed with worry.

"Dean… I love you." Sammy was feeling overwhelming sadness and he wasn't sure why. Guilt was another feeling that was back in full force. He really wasn't sure why that was either. There was an annoying voice in his head telling him he was forgetting something important. Something he should tell Dean so he could fix it.

"Dude, if you're trying to freak me out… congratulations. Mission accomplished." Dean smirked as he tried to joke his panic away that had popped up with the I love you.

"No, Dean… I want you to be safe and happy." Sammy said as he looked down at the cat.

"Sammy, it's like we are finally doing the first family business, what we were meant to have had…" Dean stopped as he watched Sammy's face.

"Maybe you can call Lisa… maybe I can ex…" Sammy began only to be interrupted by Dean."No, Sammy. That's over. Please, leave it where it belongs… in the past. It's better for everyone." Dean looked away again; Lisa had been able to say goodbye and he couldn't put them at risk again.

Sammy sighed as he said with a voice dripping in sadness, "D… I just… I can't be the cause of any more pain for you. I refuse to be…"

"You plan on leaving?" Dean was getting pissed as he snapped out the question. His defense mechanism for panic. Because if that was what he was planning Dean was going to hog tie his ass.

"What? No." Sammy said with surprise; that thought had never crossed his mind. Not this time around anyway.

"Then don't worry about. The only thing would cause me pain would be you not being here. Understand?" Dean stated before he looked at Sammy.

Sammy nodded but didn't look like he believed him.

"Sammy, what are you going to name that thing?" Dean asked as he changed the subject.

Sammy looked down, "Well, I was thinking… Boo." He said with a grin, cutting his eyes up to look at Dean.

"Boo?" Dean asked as he scrunched up his face, "Why Boo?"

Sammy smiled as he said with a chuckle, "Well, she sure scared you."

Dean grinned as he told Sammy with a smile, "You ass… that's not funny."

Sammy smirked as he said, "It's a little funny."

Dean chuckled as he agreed with Sammy, "Okay, its a little funny. But, does she like it? It is a she, right?"

"Yes, she answers when I call her and I checked it's a girl." Sammy answered Dean's questions as he continued to pet her.

"Too much info man… I simple yes would have been fine." Dean replied as he scrunched up his nose.

"Dean… you'd tell me if I wasn't…" Sammy looked down and stroked the cat's shiny coat, "if I wasn't…" he whispered still not looking up, "safe."

Dean squatted down beside Sammy laying his hand on Sammy's arm, "I promise nothing is going to hurt you."

Sammy looked up, tears shining unshed in his eyes, "No…" he whispered as he said what he'd meant the first time, "safe for you to be around."

Dean frowned as he tried to understand what he meant; when it dawned on him what Sammy was saying Dean replied giving Sammy's arm a squeeze, "Sammy, I have _never been_ afraid of you… _for you_, but never _of you_."

"But why…" Then Sammy clamped his mouth shut and he looked away.

"What?" Dean asked, squeezing Sammy's arm again, trying to get him to look at him.

Sammy shook his head no.

Dean watched Sammy's face as the cat, stood and stretched, turned and climbed up Sammy's chest, snuggling against his neck and purring.

"Sammy… what is…" Dean started but stopped and stared as the cat reached out a paw and touched his hand before pulling her paw back.

"I think she likes you." Sammy told him with a smile.

"She's only doing that to make you believe that. I know better. It hates me." Dean told Sammy pulling his hand back and standing.

Sammy threw back his head laughing at Dean's unease around the cat.

Dean smiled at him; it was nice to hear Sammy laugh even if he had to play up his reactions to the cat to get smiles out of Sammy. It was worth it, he thought silently as he watched Sammy as he laughed. Because of course that was what he was doing, he wasn't afraid of a little cat... a plain ordinary cat...

**TBC**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer**: Still not ever going to be mine. I should be use to it by now. I'm going sandbox diving if can't have... I'm now an official Borrower! Got a badge and everything... it's legit... ask Sammy and Dean. I gave them one too. LOL

**NOTE**: Thank you all so much for the continuing reviews! Love them! Adore them! Can't live without! Ok, I really can... but I don't want to! LOL. Thanks for the favs and alerts as well.

Chapter 20

They were still lounging around in the living room, the cat on Sammy's lap as it stared at Dean while Dean tried to pretend it wasn't. Sammy dozed in the recliner while Dean watched him as they waited for Bobby to return. It was quiet enough Dean could hear the clock tick in the other room. Dean's thoughts drifted, Time seemed to be in slow motion at the moment; the tick tock of that clock just might drive him crazy before Bobby got back.

Dean jumped up as if spring loaded when he heard Bobby pull up and as he looked at the cat he told her, "Watch him, while I'm gone…" Then he thought as soon as he said the words out loud, _Shit, I'm talking to a cat like it knows what I'm saying… I must be more tired than I thought_.

Boo responded with a meow which caused Dean to shake his head as he left the room.

From the porch Dean watched Bobby turn the truck around and back it in close to the porch. As he got out of the cab he swung the door shut. When he looked up he smiled at Dean, "Ready to get to work? I'm hoping to have the shelves ready before the books get here."

"Do you want to build them out here or build them in place?" Dean asked as he came down the steps to stand by Bobby.

"Well, let's cut everything, and then stain. After it dries we can move everything inside and build it there." Bobby said as he started to pull the top boards off the truck.

Hours later they had measured, cut and stained all the wood and as they waited for them to dry Dean stared off down the long driveway seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

"How about some grub?" Bobby asked as he looked at Dean while he simultaneously he pulled off his cap and wiped at his brow with his shirt sleeve.

"Oh, yeah." Dean said as he remembered, "How about Sammy and I BBQ for you? That's one of the things I went into town for earlier. It was Sammy's idea." Dean announced as he started towards the house.

"You and Sammy are going to cook for me?" Bobby asked surprise evident in his voice, unsure if that was a good idea or not. To let the boys near lighter fluid, fire and _his grill _at the same time… He couldn't help the image that popped into his head of the last time that Dean had helped him add the lighter fluid to the grill when he was about twelve. "I still remember the last time you helped me BBQ." Bobby frowned as he looked at Dean.

Dean smiled as he teased Bobby, "Dude I was twelve and I said I was sorry. I even gave you my baseball cap to wear. By the way you never gave it back, what'd you ever do with it?"

"Upstairs in my room. What? Are you going to wear it?" Bobby asked with a smirk.

"Watch it old man, your eyebrows have grown back… they could go again. Besides, I used to BBQ all the time with Ben. Lisa used to say it was good." Dean stated with a smile at the memory.

"He kept his eyebrows and hair?" Bobby joked as he quickly looked at Dean. It wasn't normal for Dean to voluntarily bring them up or talk about his time with them.

Dean looked at him as he told him, "Sorry, Sammy and I were talking about them earlier." He bit his lip before he blurted out, "I'm worried Bobby. He was fine when I left earlier but now he seems… I don't know… _down_." Dean shrugged not sure if he had the wording right.

Bobby said, not even missing a beat with the change in topics, "Well, we'll just have to keep him busy until he gets his feet solidly on the ground again." Bobby clapped Dean on the back and then headed for the front door.

Dean went into the living room to wake Sammy and Bobby headed straight for the kitchen. Dean rushed into the kitchen a few minutes later, bellowing as he skidded to a stop, "Bobby!"

Bobby startled which caused him to drop the shaker he was in the process of carrying over to the counter. "Shit, Dean… maybe _you_ need a bell."

"Did Sammy tell you he was going outside? Have you seen him since we came in?" Dean rushed out as he stared intently at Bobby.

"No… why?" Bobby asked as he stopped what he was doing to look at Dean.

"He's not in the house and he left Sam's cell on the end table in the bedroom." Dean said quickly as his eyes darted around the kitchen, taking everything in.

"Well he probably took the cat out. I forgot to tell him I got cat food, litter and a litter box while I was out earlier. Why don't you go find him and let him know? Then we can get that BBQ started. I'm starving." Bobby told him with a grin. Dean would never change. He was always going to worry if Sammy was out of site.

"Yeah, okay." Dean said distracted as he turned and headed for the front door, but before getting out of the kitchen he turned again and went out the backdoor.

Bobby shook his head, he'd better find Sammy soon or Sammy was going to be put on a very short leash when he did find him.

"Sammy!" Dean yelled as he searched the back of the property first. He then headed around to the garages as he continued to yell. He didn't find anything there or around the cars. He circled back around to the telling tree with the tire swing. It was the place where they could to tell each other anything with no worry of retribution. It was a get out of jail free zone for them. Sammy had used it when he'd dropped Dean's favorite baseball card in the toilet when Sammy was six. Dean had used it for when he'd melted Sammy's favorite G. I. Joe in the fire pit in the backyard right after the baseball card incident. He was surprised to find Sammy was seated on the ground, back propped against the tree. The cat was nowhere to be seen.

"Sammy, why didn't you answer me?" Dean asked, aggravated. The aggravation turned to concern when he received no response to his question. He knelt beside Sammy to look him over. He seemed physically okay. But he wasn't answering Dean. So Dean tried again, "Is there something you need to tell me? Something you were afraid I'd be mad about?"

Still nothing. No movement and no answer to his questions.

"Dude, this is not funny. Bobby is waiting on us to do the BBQ. So, I really need you to talk to me." Dean touched Sammy's arm. "Sammy… did the cat run away? Is that why you got upset?" Dean tried to guess what the problem was.

The no movement at all thing was really starting to freak him out.

Dean grabbed him by the arms and shook him, "Damn it! Sammy answer me."

When he still got no response from him he sat down beside Sammy and watched him. He was breathing okay Dean decided has he stared at Sammy's chest to verify a steady in and out of air. Dean closed his eyes for a brief moment as he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. _What the hell happened? Why wasn't Sammy responding to him? Had he remembered more of his body's activities or was he remembering hell itself?_

Dean reached out and took Sammy's hand in his and just sat there holding his hand before finally starting to talk. "It never got easier… the loosing you. I got better at hiding it, but it never got to the point where I could say '_Yes my brother died for me… but I still have the good memories to cling to._' Fuck that Sammy. I want the real deal! You with your silly quirks and brain man that you are. I'm selfish… I want…"

Sammy blinked which instantly caused Dean to stop what he was saying. He leaned in close and stared. It looked like Sammy's pupils enlarged just a little in reaction to Dean's movement.

"Sammy?" Dean asked as he touched Sammy's cheek and feathered up to brush hair back from Sammy's eyes, "You really need a haircut, bro."

Sammy blinked again but made no other movement.

"Sammy, can you hear me?" Dean was starting to feel twinges of some major panic. Like the kind that always ended up with him and an ambulance.

"D." Sammy barely made a sound but it was enough for Dean to hear.

Dean's sigh of relief was loud in the quiet as he pulled Sammy into a hug, patted him once and pulled back to look at Sammy, "Sammy."

"D." Sammy breathed out again, still not focused on anything.

Dean sat back further as he looked at Sammy, "Sammy… look at me."

Finally after several agonizing seconds of waiting for Dean; Sammy finally focused on him as he struggled to look him in the eye.

**TBC**

**Story Note: **For some reason when I uploaded this it left out certain words in the middle of sentences. I think I found everything. But if not, please let me know and I will fix it! ~iamtryN Crissi


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer**: Don't own, just play with for fun...

**NOTE**: Sorry for the cliffy in the last chapter, hope this makes up for it! Thanks again for the continued R&R! I love the reviews! And favs and alerts! And of course the Winchesters... but that's beside the point!

Chapter 21

Dean let go of Sammy's hand and moved his own up to Sammy's shoulder to give it a quick squeeze. He asked gently while at the same time he watched Sammy closely, "What happened?"

"Had to…" Sammy moved his head slightly looking right then left as if searching for something before he told Dean, "get away."

"From what? Did that cat attack you?" Dean knew he should have shot the little hairball. _Shit_!

"Can't…" Sammy said as a tear slid down his cheek. "D… it's here." He tapped his temple as he told Dean. "Can't get away." He shook his head and looked away as he battled to bring everything back under control.

"Hey…" Dean gave him a quick shake with the hand still on his shoulder, "Hey… I'm here." He placed his face in Sammy's line of sight as he tried to make Sammy focus on him,"I'll help you make it through what ever is going on. Just don't lock me out. Please Sammy that's all I ask… let me help you."

Sammy started to cry as Dean pulled him back against himself and told him, "You are in the get out of jail free zone, remember? Anything said here receives no punishment."

Sammy hiccupped as he told Dean flatly, "We were kids D, this." He stopped then continued after another hiccup, "You can't and I can't." Sammy looked at Dean before he finally finished what he had to say, "I don't know if I can live with knowing I did those things."

"What are you talking about? We've already been through everything. I know…" Dean started only to be interrupted by Sammy.

Sammy pushed Dean away, "No… no. This. He showed me things I." He just couldn't seem to finish a complete sentence; he thought randomly, "things that my body did while I was in the pit."

"You know about the gun for hire, Sammy. You know you aren't responsible. That was Sam, not you." Dean rubbed Sammy arm as he tried to comfort and calm at the same time.

"He killed a lot of people, Dean. I watched him kill that father in front of his son and then kill him. The woman wanted that because the son was the heir, not her. _Her own son_, D. And I took money for that. I didn't care." Sammy struggled to stand to get away from his shame and his brother; neither that he wanted to face at that moment.

"Sammy, you didn't do that. I've told you. I don't care." Dean tried again as his grip tightened on Sammy's arm to keep Sammy in place.

"Dean they were human beings. They were killed over money. By my hand." Sammy said as the tears welled up once again.

"No… you were not… _Damn it Sammy_! You were in the fucking pit… you had no control over what it was doing up here without you. If you're going to blame someone, blame me. I was topside and I did nothing to prevent that man dying. I am the…" Dean's voice edged towards pissed off the more he talked.

"Shut up Dean! You are not…" Sammy started feeling the pissed off vibe himself.

"Well, neither are you." Dean said as he crossed his arms while he dared Sammy to argue some more with him.

Sammy decided it was pointless to continue, Dean wouldn't quit once he'd made up his mind about something and his mind was made up on this.

"What happened?" Dean asked changing the topic as he spotted that jutting out of the chin which meant that Sammy was done with that topic. Fine, he could let it go for the moment.

"When I was in the living room?" Sammy asked and continued at Dean's nod to the affirmative. "I was sitting in the living room and I felt dizzy and then the cat attacked me and disappeared. I woke up out here with you talking to me…" Sammy looked a little freaked the more he told Dean.

"The cat attacked you before or after you got dizzy?" Dean questioned to clarify what Sammy had told him.

"After… why? What does that matter?" Sammy asked, genuinely confused.

"I don't know… it may be nothing; let's go let Bobby know I found you before he eats all the food himself… raw." Dean stated as he stood up while he grinned down at Sammy.

"Gross. D." Sammy said as he let Dean pull him to his feet.

"Well, he did say he was starving when I came out here and I don't know how long I've been gone." Dean commented as he shoulder bumped Sammy on the way back to the house.

Sammy bit his lip as he thought about what he'd seen. There had been so much, including the time when Sam had let Dean be turned. Sammy staggered at the thought of the pain of seeing what his brother went through. The first time had been bad enough, quick glimpses, enough to know what he'd done, but this… this was a horror show of all of it. Every detail and he hadn't cared. Dean could have stayed a vampire… Sammy clutched at his stomach as he bent forward and puked.

"Sammy, jeez… what the hell?" Dean asked as he made a grab for Sammy as he went to his knees.

Sammy looked up at Dean with sorrow filled eyes as tears spilled down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, D." He gasped out.

"It's okay; I really didn't like these shoes anyway." Dean joked as he tried to quell the fear eating at his own stomach.

Sammy shook his head and he told Dean, "You can't get away from evil…"

"I beg to differ; we do it all the time." Dean said quietly as he held onto to Sammy's elbow with one hand while at the same time rubbing small circles on his back with his other.

"You can't get away when it's inside you." Sammy stated as he let Dean pull him to his feet again.

Dean's hands went from back and elbow to grab both sides of Sammy face as he forced him to look at him, "For the last fucking time. You are not evil." Dean stated firmly before he snarled, "Do you understand? Who do I have to kill for you to believe that?"

"Me." Sammy said as he forced himself to look Dean in the eye as he said it.

Dean's hands dropped and he took a step back. He opened his mouth a couple of times then closed it again as nothing came out. He raised a hand as he slowly closed it into a fist while he yelled, "Fuck!" Throwing a punch into the air he turned on Sammy as he lunged at him he grabbed him by the shirt and shook him, "Not going to fucking happen, Sammy. Because if I ever did kill you, I'd be next. _You know me_… You know me well enough to know I'm telling you the truth." He threw a hand up to run it through his hair, "son-of-a-bitch."

Still clinging to Sammy with one fist he started to pull Sammy along. He dragged Sammy straight to the impala. Dean stopped Sammy in front of the passenger door as he opened it with one hand he shoved Sammy in with his hand pressed flat on his chest; after he made sure Sammy was seated with his feet in he slammed the door shut. Pointing a finger at him during which he snapped, "Stay."

Sammy stared at Dean as he rounded the front of the impala. He slammed the door open and then he rammed himself into the seat. He shoved the key in the ignition while at the same time he yanked it into drive and floored it. His door slammed shut on its own from the force of the speed of take off.

He had quickly topped sixty and the speedometer steadily moved up.

"D?" Sammy said hesitantly.

"Shut the fuck up Sammy. You want to die. Fine. We'll do it together. At the same time. Or hey, maybe you'll survive and you can bury me. Isn't it the way our luck usually works? Besides I'm getting tired of being the one left behind." Dean was beyond pissed. He'd done the whole chick-flicky scene repeatedly and Sammy kept going back to kill me… well, fine.

"D… I just meant…" Sammy tried again only to have Dean snarl at him.

"I said shut up Sammy. I've had it. If this is what you want. Fine." Dean snapped at Sammy. He'd had it! This was going to end.

Sammy looked around. _Straight roads. No ditches… just open fields_. He shrugged as he thought, _now or never_. He lunged over and turned off the engine as he immediately pulled the keys.

Dean looked at him, incredulously before he started to swear like a sailor as he tried to control the car as it slowly lost speed and headed straight for the cornfield to the right.

When the finally stopped in the middle of the cornfield Dean sat staring at Sammy who was pressed against the passenger door while he clutched the keys to his chest.

After several minutes of silence Dean finally managed, "What the fuck Sammy? Are you trying to kill us?"

Sammy grinned as he told Dean, "No, not really. I thought that was your plan."

Dean shook his head as he thought _not ready to forgive you yet_…

"Dean… I just meant… if he comes back. I need you to look past the fact that it's my body and get rid of him. Can you do that for me?" Sammy finally got out what he wanted to say to Dean.

"But he's gone… right? _Cas _said he was. _You _said he was." Dean slipped right back to panic mode in record time.

"He is… but if he comes back. Promise me… you'll make him leave." Sammy asked, feeling sick again as he thought of everything he'd seen recently.

**TBC**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer**: Darn Winchesters of Supernatural aren't mine... (sob)

**NOTE**: Thank you so much for the reviews! Thank you for continuing to read! It is my most read story and most reviewed! Awesome! thanks u for favs and alerts! Happy Valentine's Day and don't kill the writer or you won't get an ending! LOL. My husband is like hurry, hurry, hurry post that chapter! So if I have any mistakes, its not my fault, it's his! LOL, Enjoy and Have a great Valentine's Day!

Chapter 22

Dean stared at Sammy a few seconds before he said softly, "I promise." He clenched the steering wheel hard to control his shaking hands.

Dean's door was yanked open and an irate Bobby stuck his head in, "What the fuck is going on?" he snarled at them.

They both stared at Bobby and then each other. He would not be happy with the truth and they didn't want to be the ones to tell him. They both were smart enough to know better to tell him now; at the very least they needed to wait until he wasn't so pissed.

"Forget something for the BBQ?" Bobby asked with a shrug before he continued sarcastically, "Making a run in… a bunny hopped out in front of you…" He suggested then came up with, "you swerved to avoid it…" Bobby snarled, masking fear in anger. He'd had the feeling that these boys hadn't planned on coming back when he saw Dean fishtail it out of the driveway. It had scared him more than he cared to admit.

Dean smiled as he leaned back against the seat as he tried for nonchalant while he said with a grin, "Something like that. Right Sammy, that pretty close to it?"

Sammy stared at Dean then Bobby, wide eyed as he still sat with the keys clutched in his hands. He nodded yes in a jerked motion as if strings were being pulled.

"Idgits." Bobby snapped before he said in a controlled voice, "Can you drive her out or are we going to have to tow her?"

Dean shrugged and held out his hand for the keys. Sammy hesitated for a second before he dropped them in Dean's gimme gesturing hand.

The exchange did not go unnoticed by Bobby. He could bide his time; it was something he was rather good at if he did think so himself. He would get out of one of them what had happened out here in the middle of a cornfield. He waited with his arms crossed for Dean to start the impala.

Dean tried to back her up; she went slowly but she moved steady. That was his baby, he reached up and patted her dash as he smiled at Bobby. Bobby glared as he stepped back and Dean shut the door.

Dean looked at Sammy as he told him, "We finish this later."

Sammy nodded. Wow, Dean's temper had skyrocketed quick. He really needed to learn to talk faster where Dean was concerned. He should have known better. Dean was now in pissed off pretending to be in a good mood until I get you alone and then all hell is going to break loose mode. It wasn't something he was going to enjoy, it might even be painful; if the look in Dean's eyes was any indication.

The trip was silent with Bobby behind them as he followed them in the tow truck. It took a lot longer Sammy thought silently because it was so quiet but he knew it was probably more that they were actually driving at normal speeds. The silence that seeped into the impala wasn't helping the tension at all either.

Bobby effectively blocked the impala in so Dean couldn't move it without Bobby first moving the tow truck out of the way. Which if the look Bobby sent both of them it would be a snowy day in July before that happened.

Dean raised an eyebrow and Bobby gave him a look that dared him to say anything about it.

Dean wisely kept his mouth shut.

Then Bobby held out his hand in front of Dean in much the same way Dean had with Sammy.

Dean looked at him with an are you crazy look.

Bobby did the gimme hand and Dean frowned before he plopped the keys down in Bobby's open palm. Bobby grinned and placed the keys in his front pocket of his jeans. "Now, the BBQ you promised me." Then he walked into the house without a backward glance.

"Why don't you go with Bobby and get everything ready and I'll be out in a minute to cook the meat." Dean told Sammy, leaning against the impala as he waited for Sammy to leave.

Sammy hesitated before he finally said softly, "Okay, you won't be long?"

Dean shook his head no. He waited until Sammy was in the house with the door closed before he straightened up and called Cas.

"Yes, Dean?" Cas asked from behind him on the other side of the car.

Dean looked behind him as he turned to prop his arms on the top of the car he asked, "Have you found a banishing binding something for me?"

"I didn't think we needed one… Sam is gone." Cas said in a almost human confused voice.

"I'm not so sure about that. Find me something… like yesterday. Don't mention this to Sammy, I don't want him to worry over nothing." Dean said in the that I'm on the edge of loosing… something tone.

"But, Dean…" Cas started only for Dean to interrupt him.

"Please, Cas. Just humor me." Dean said in a tired voice that caused Cas to tilt his head to study Dean.

"Sure Dean. I'll see what I can find." Cas said after he studied Dean for a few minutes.

Dean stood out by the impala leaning on it staring off into space for a few minutes before he sighed and then pushed himself away to walk into the house. He wasn't sure but something seemed off with the whole zombie thing this afternoon and then Sammy's kill me if… Dean wasn't sure what was up but he definately felt uneasy about it.

He looked out the kitchen window for a few watching Sammy interact with Bobby. It seemed normal enough. Except the cat was sitting a few feet from Sammy staring at him. Not moving. Before it's tail never stopped swooshing when she was near Sammy. And she hadn't gotten that far from Sammy since he picked her up and carried her into the house. Dean chewed his lip as he wondered if he needed to be worried.

As he opened the back door he plastered on a smile as he came out, he sought out Bobby as he said loudly, "Are you ready for the BBQ master to take over?"

"Do you have an apron that tells you that?" Bobby snarked with a serious look on his face, "Or is it all in your head?"

"Actually it's still packed from my stuff I picked up from Lisa's, it's upstairs. Ben bought it for me. Do you want me to go get it?" Dean directed his statement at Bobby as he watched Sammy.

Sammy got a pained look on his face as he turned away from Dean to look at the cat. The cat immediately came to Sammy and crawled into his lap. _Huh_? Dean thought. _Maybe the cat has some kind of built in radar_… Dean stood stock still as he watched Sammy with the cat. The cat snuggled into Sammy's arms. Dean began to wonder why the cat had disappeared before. _Did it sense something he himself couldn't detect_?

"Dean!" Bobby snapped fingers in front of Dean's face.

Dean startled as he asked, "What?" while he looked at Bobby.

"I asked you if you're ready to start the steaks? I already wrapped some potatoes with onions to bake in the pit. They are already under the coals…" Bobby watched Dean go back to staring at Sammy who was several feet away as he sat on a hood of one of Bobby's chargers.

"Dean? What is wrong with you boys? What happened out there today?" Bobby asked quietly.

Dean looked at Bobby with those Winchester eyes that held such pleading, pain and wishes all rolled into that one look and then after a couple seconds as he held Bobby's gaze; Dean walked over with a sad smile as he took over the cooking of the steaks, "We are suppose to be cooking for you, old man."

"Dean." Bobby said as he tried to get Dean to tell him. If he didn't learn what happened soon he didn't know if he would be able to sleep; not until he knew… hell _if he did know _he still probably wouldn't be sleeping.

Dean gave Bobby a look and a quick glance Sammy's direction let him know Dean wasn't about to say anything at the moment; so he dropped it.

"Thanks." Dean replied softly as he noticed the expression on Bobby's face that let him know he was about to drop the topic for the moment.

Then as he raised his voice he hollered over to Sammy, "Hey… dude, what the hell? I thought we… as in me and you were cooking this meal for Bobby. All I see is your ass planted on that charger… how about some help?" His pretend nothing is wrong, joke instead of cry mode.

Sammy sat there before he slowly turned to look at Dean. Before his eyes met Dean's Boo hissed while simutaniously swatting at Sammy's hands and arms before she jumped away. Her back arched and she continued to hiss as she raced across the hood, up the windshield and to the roof of the car. Turning in a hopping, arched back hissing stance she glared at Sammy from there.

Dean dropped the spatula as he took a step towards Sammy. He stopped in mid-step when Sammy's eyes met his. Dean staggered… the blankness, then the flash of hatred… then they blanked again as Sammy's eyes closed and he tumbled off the car. Before he even hit the ground Dean was at a dead run as he slid in to catch Sammy; he tried to prevent Sammy's head from hitting anything. Dean looked down; Sammy's eyes were closed. He was out cold. He cradled Sammy's head as he looked around for Bobby.

**TBC**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer**: Still (stomp foot) not mine... what would happen if I drill a hole in the sandbox? Just curious...

**NOTE**: Thank you for all the awesome reviews! I appreciate all the readers who have stuck with me through this whole story! Plus all the new reviewers that have started popping up! It's great! Always thanks to the favs and alerts. Again the cat, for hotshow! Hopefully you enjoy!

Chapter 23

"I'll get Cas." Bobby said and then turned to go into the house to give Dean a few minutes with Sammy; He could have just as easily called Cas while standing in the yard but chose to go inside.

Dean had began to push the hair back out of Sammy's eyes as he talked to Sammy, "What is going on with you, little brother?"

Boo cautiously came to the hood of the car and stared down at the brothers.

Dean stared at the cat he watched her when she leaned one way then leaned the other before she leaned forward to seem to concentrate on Sammy only. With a meow she jumped off the car and landed on Sammy's chest. As she sat down she started to knead her claws into Sammy's shirt. It was slow and purposeful as if she was being careful not to claw him.

_Shit_! Dean thought,_ I think I'm more tired that I realized_. He snorted, _Cats aren't that smart_. She focused her eyes on him, like she had heard that thought. _Okay, creepy_…

"Well, Boo. What's going on? Is Sam back? You're not such a bad cat not if you… you appear to hate him too." Dean admitted softly even as he looked away, he felt stupid for even thinking of talking to it let alone actually doing it.

The cat meowed again and then licked her paw and ran it over her face. Then went right back to her 'Sammy watch and knead her claws' position.

Cas came out of the house followed by a very pissed off looking Bobby.

"You had Bobby call me?" Cas asked as he walked toward Dean with a purpose filled stride.

"Check him again." Dean demanded as he skipped the pleasantries while he glared up at Cas.

"What?" Cas asked, giving Dean a strange look as he stopped in front of the boys.

"Check him again. Make sure he's the only one in there." Dean ordered firmly.

"I already…" Cas started to say only to have Dean interrupt him.

"Cas, I'm going to rip your wings off…" Dean growled as he got instantly pissed off.

"No need to get violent." Cas stated sullenly as he looked down at Dean.

"Any damn day, Cas." Dean snapped as his patience, what little he had to begin with gone in an instant.

"Fine. But I feel I must tell you…" Cas stated as he stood there continuing to look down at Dean, "you are being an ass." he finished as he squatted down beside them. The cat stared but remained where she was. He put his hand on Sammy's chest beside where the cat was perched and closed his eyes. After a few seconds he frowned as moved his hand, waited a few seconds then tried one more time. Finally with a sigh he moved his hand and opened his eyes. "It is the same as before. It's just Sammy."

"Try again." Dean erupted with irritation. The cat… it had definitely acted like he didn't like Sammy for a moment. As far as he could tell the cat had attached itself to Sammy so for it to react that way…

"No." Cas said as he stood back up and looked down at Dean with his hands resting on his hips.

"Cas." Dean warned as his temper reached its flashpoint.

"Dean." Cas responded in kind. "I need to find that _thing _you requested. I think time is of the essence." He glanced down at Sammy and disappeared.

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean snarled to the sky. Glancing down he saw a very confused and scared Sammy staring up at him.

"Dean?" Sammy asked as he tried to remember what had happened and why he was currently looking up Dean's nose. Yuk.

"Hey, Sammy… falling off cars… _fainting _like a girl…" Dean tsked as he tried to take the look of terror off Sammy's face.

"Dean, you need to lock me up." Sammy said softly as he looked away from Dean.

"What? No." Dean snapped as he looked like he was caught between the two expressions _what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about _and _tell-me-right-the-fuck-now._

"Dean, please." Sammy sighed wearily as he closed his eyes.

Dean gave him a shake as he thought Sammy was going to sleep or Sam was about to take over.

"D… I think… I think he's trying to come back…" Sammy opened his eyes as he continued, "you promised." He stated firmly as he looked at Dean with those puppy dog eyes.

"No… I promised to get rid of _HIM… _and I will if it comes to that_. But…_" Dean stopped as he looked at Sammy and then he continued, "Let's finish the BBQ. Then we'll move back down to the panic room if it makes you feel better. Deal?" Dean asked while he helped Sammy sit up.

Sammy braced himself up with his arms behind him as he told Dean, "You don't have to come with me. It would probably be more comfortable…"

Dean had that '_you're pissing me off again' _look so Sammy smiled as he stuck a hand out at Dean, "Let's eat… help me up."

Dean stood before he reached down for Sammy with a smile plastered on his face that didn't reach his eyes as he smacked Sammy on the back he said, "Good, I'm starving…"

Dean walked over to the plate of fully cooked steaks with the potatoes and onions done as well as roasted corn and looked up to see Bobby come out with cold beers.

"Hey we were supposed to cook _for you_, old man." Dean told Bobby with a look that said thanks; we love you and _dude_… all in one.

Bobby smirked as he told Dean with a nod towards Sammy, "You were busy catching fainting beauty over there."

Dean smirked and snickered while he snuck a look at Sammy as he said, "Yeah there was that."

"I guess I need to keep Dean in practice for his real job." Sammy said while he popped a cherry tomato in his mouth from the salad Bobby had already had placed on the table.

Dean raised his eyebrows as Sammy laughed at the look on Dean's face. "And just what might that be?" Dean asked with a mock glare.

Bobby smiled as he watched them before he stated, "Boys it's ready."

Dean rubbed his hands together as he winked at Sammy, "Well, Sammy… it worked."

Bobby raised his eyebrows while he asked, "What worked?"

"We got you to cook anyways…" Dean replied with a smirk when he looked at Bobby.

Bobby smiled because he knew Dean was deflecting his worry, "Idgits…" he replied as he went along with Dean. He smirked before he added, "you get the dishes."

"What? How is that fair? "Dean complained with his own smile as he took a beer away from Bobby.

Bobby smiled as he deflected the question, "Lets take this inside, it's getting cool… and dark…"

They carried everything inside and Sammy set everything he'd carried on the table in the kitchen.

As Dean set the steaks on the table he told Bobby, "It looks good, thanks."

"You boys bought everything… I just helped cook it." Bobby replied as he sat the stuff he'd carried in on the table.

After they all sat down and while Bobby started to make plates he commented, "The books should be here tomorrow, you ready to help me organize them Sammy?"

"Sure, Bobby." Sammy said shortly, taking a small bite off his ear of corn.

"Hey we can finish the shelves tonight after dishes if you want." Dean added as he grabbed his own cob of corn.

The cat had came in when they had and was curled around Sammy's feet as it purred loudly and slapped her tail on the floor.

The rest of dinner went fairly quickly with light conversation as everyone skirted around the issues at hand and pretended everything was fine.

**TBC**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer**: You'd think that as much time as I borrow them, they'd just give them to me. Ya know possession being 9/10ths of the law and all... But nooooooo... still not mine. LOL.

**NOTE**: Thank you so much for the continuing R&R! I appreciate the encouragement! Awesome! Thanks for favs and alerts... Closet readers too. I was one for a long time!

Chapter 24

Later that night Sammy was alphabetizing the current collection of Bobby's books while Dean and Bobby finished building the shelves.

Dean poked his head in the library doorway as he asked Sammy, "Wouldn't it be easier if you wait until the other books get here and then do it all at once?"

"Actually I have made a list of all the books he has now. I'll make a new list when the new books get here. After I get them color coded Bobby will know which books are which. Then we will merge them and he will know what he has and what he still needs to acquire. It will all be on his computer." Sammy stopped for breath; he had been pointing a book at Dean while he explained without even realizing he was using it to emphasize his side of the conversation.

"Holy shit… sounds like a pain in the ass to me." Dean muttered as he stared at Sammy a grin started to slowly spread across his face. _Yep, his Sammy was back_! Hell, yeah. He thought as he stared at his little brother.

Sammy dimple grinned at Dean as he replied, "Yeah well, Bobby will like it."

Bobby stuck his head in too as he added his two cents into the mix, "Yeah, Sammy. I do. Thanks." and then he quickly disappeared.

Dean rolled his eyes and gave Sammy one of his classic smiles before he disappeared back into the hallway. A few seconds later hammer noises started up again.

A few hours later Dean brought Sammy a beer and as he opened his told Sammy, "How about we call it a night? It's getting late."

Sammy took the beer and looked around with a shrug as he said, "Well, I have all the books listed up to G on the shelves. I guess it's a good place to stop. That way if there's a lot of A through G, I don't have to move a whole lot. I just alphabetized by title. But I thought about doing it by author, then sub-alpha-ing by title. But I thought that might get too complicated to maintain."

Dean shook his head as he told Sammy with a smile, "I'm surprised your head hasn't exploded with all that zooming around in there."

Sammy smiled back and leaned against the desk as he asked, "Where's Bobby?"

"He wanted the 'good stuff' he'll be in later to say goodnight. Ya know, he's getting old… has to go to bed early…" Dean started ticking the list off as he glanced towards the door waiting for a response from Bobby.

"I heard that… idgit…" Bobby called from the kitchen.

Dean snickered as he tipped back his beer he grinned and then finished it off with a wink at Sammy. Tossing it the trash he smirked as he muttered under his breath when he made the toss, "two points."

Bobby walked in past Dean and sat down behind the desk, bottle with shot glass in hand. He looked around him with a grin of his own, "Looks good, Sammy."

"Did you expect anything less; we are talking about Sammy here." Dean stated as he watched Sammy over his new beer bottle Bobby had handed to him as he walked passed him.

Sammy suddenly went still as a look of surprise settled on his face.

Dean slowly lowered his beer bottle while he stared at Sammy a frown started to appear as he asked, "Sammy?"

"Boo." Sammy said as he stared at Dean.

"Was that supposed to scare me?" Dean asked sarcastically.

"No…" Sammy started but about that time, Boo launched herself off the top of the bookcase and landed on Dean's chest as Dean turned to look behind him.

"_Holy Hell_!" Dean snapped shocked as he grabbed for the cat hoping to prevent the digging in of claws.

Bobby roared with laughter as he slapped his hand on his knee.

Sammy did his best to pretend like he wasn't about to laugh as he tried to hold back his smile.

Dean tried to pull Boo off while still holding onto his beer with one hand but she tried to snuggle up against him, crawling up towards his neck, "Hey… hey, Sammy _come on_… get it off me!"

Sammy finally came to Dean's rescue, pulling the cat free as she meowed at them. She settled into his arms as he picked up his empty beer bottle off the desk and threw it in the trashcan. "I set up her litter box up downstairs in the panic room and another one upstairs I probably need to show her them. See you downstairs?" Sammy asked as he looked at Dean.

"Yeah, I'll be down in a minute." Dean said with a smile as he watched his little brother.

"Bobby." Sammy said with a nod as he waited for Bobby's response.

Bobby smiled as he said softly, "Night, boy."

Sammy's smile was small as he left the room to head downstairs.

Dean watched Sammy leave and as he left so did Dean's smile. He finished off his beer before he tossed the bottle in the trash as he muttered, "Four points."

"Well, are you going to tell me what the hell happened earlier?" Bobby asked after he heard Sammy start down the stairs.

"Not now, Bobby." Dean stated, "We'll talk later, okay?" He promised as he started to follow Sammy but he turned back to Bobby. "See you in the morning." Dean said before he finally turned back to go downstairs.

When he walked down and into the panic room, he saw Sammy already in bed with the cat snuggled up next to his arm that was handcuffed to the bed. He stopped as the thought popped into his head, _Handcuffs_? He stared blankly a few seconds before it registered what Sammy meant by that gesture and then he stormed back upstairs to Bobby.

Bobby was just tossing back a shot when Dean stormed back into the room.

"Where's the damn hand cuff key?" Dean snapped as he stalked over to the desk where Bobby was seated.

"What the hell?" Bobby growled but immediately pulled the hand cuff key from his pocket.

"I don't know, Bobby. _I just don't know _what is going on in that head of his." Dean said as he shook his head. Then he reached out to take the key.

"Tell me what's going on." Bobby demanded as he stood.

"He's hand cuffed himself to the bed." Dean said like he didn't have time to mess with him. He started to turn around to leave.

Bobby grabbed Dean's wrist to prevent him from walking out.

Dean looked down at Bobby's hand on his wrist and then back up at Bobby's face.

"Dean wait a minute, hear me out. If Sammy…" Bobby said in a rush to say what he wanted before Dean exploded.

Dean pulled his wrist free but stood there listening.

"If Sammy feels the need to do this… maybe we should respect that." Bobby finished quickly because he knew he would only have a limited time to say what he needed before Dean would be done listening.

"No." Dean stated flatly, narrowing his eyes as he stared Bobby down.

"Why not? Maybe he knows something he's not telling us." Bobby replied back to Dean's immediate refusal.

"Cas checked him, _twice_." Dean emphasized before he continued, "I'm not having him do this when there's nothing wrong. I'm going to tolerate the panic room to make him feel better, but not this… not when it's unnecessary." Dean stated emphatically.

"But…" Bobby started but with the withering look he received from Dean he stopped. "Whatever you think Dean. Do you want me to come shut the door?" he finished wearily.

Dean shook his head no as he turned and left the room he jogged back to the stairs. Trampling down them he hurried into the room and stood a few seconds as he watched Sammy sleep. The cat was still snuggled against him asleep as well.

Dean sat gently on the bed; he wasted no time taking the handcuff of Sammy's wrist.

Sammy woke when the hand cuff clicked open and stared at Dean confused as he tried to figure out what was going on. When it took him a few seconds to register what was happening Dean smiled at him. Sammy started to say something only to have Dean hold up a hand to silence him.

Dean looked at Sammy as his smile turned to a sad expression when he told Sammy, "Just because I agreed to come back down here doesn't mean I agree that I have anything to worry about with you having that problem again. I agreed for _your _peace of mind." He watched Sammy's expression change before he continued, "No handcuffs, Sammy. I'm not locking us in either. Not when it's unnecessary. You got me?" He mussed up Sammy's hair smiling down at him as he stood, "Now go to sleep."

"You're the one that woke me up, jerk." Sammy said sleepily with a smile.

"Details… details, bitch." Dean said quietly as he walked over to the other cot and sat down. He sat there a long time just watching his little brother sleep.

**TBC**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer**: STILL not mine... but I still enjoy the covert ops to the sandbox... I haven't been discovered yet... shhhh!

**NOTE**: Thanks so much for the R&R! It has been awesomely amazing! It has been so fun to write this! The bonus-reviews! As always thanks for favs and reviews... hotshow, hope you enjoy the catness... FYI- If you come home and your electric is off and you paid your electric bill... say on the 4th (like me) you might want to call and ask why cause as it turns out mine was not out b/c of power issues on the line... no they said I didn't pay the bill... Cancelled check and money withdrawel from my account says otherwise... Ugh! hours later than in a few... sorry guys. Here it is!

Chapter 25

Dean tossed and turned as he tried for hours to sleep before he finally gave up and sat up. There was a small twinge that Sam might not be gone hence the not sleeping. It was obvious that Sammy was worried about it, even going so far as to hand cuff himself to the cot. Dean shook his head and stood. _Maybe coffee_… he thought as he headed out the door. He turned back at the entrance to look at Sammy one more time. He was still asleep so Dean turned around again and headed through the door. He went upstairs, grabbed a cup and realized that someone had already made coffee. Probably Bobby. After he poured himself a cup he wandered around the house as he admired the shelves they'd built and headed into the library. He was surprised to see Bobby there at his desk, surrounded by books, "Hey, Bobby, you didn't go to bed last night?" He asked as he walked over to sit in a chair beside the desk.

"Shit, Dean… you bitch about Cas when you're just as bad." Bobby snapped as he sat his cup the rest of the way down and turned his book over in his lap to mark his place.

"Sorry, Bobby," Dean said with a grin as he watched Bobby over the rim of his cup.

Bobby looked around until he spotted the rag Sammy had used to dust the shelves he grabbed it and wiped the spilt coffee off the top of his desk.

"You not go to bed last night?" Dean repeated.

"No, Sherlock, I didn't." Snapped Bobby as he threw the rag at him with a cranky glare.

Dean easily dodged it as he waited for Bobby to say whatever he had on his mind. He only got this way when he was tired and worried and didn't feeling like he could find the things he needed for whatever he was working on.

Finally Bobby sighed and looked at Dean before he told him, "I'm not too confident in your winged buddy as of late."

Dean raised an eyebrow in surprise and asked, "How so? In what department?"

"In the saving Sammy's ass department." Bobby stated flatly.

"Really?" Dean asked, sitting his own cup of coffee on the desk and standing to lean on the side of the desk to listen to Bobby.

"Yea. He hasn't found anything to help in case we need to bind Sam. I'm not leaving you boys blowing in the breeze because he's preoccupied with something else. You have to admit, since they don't need you boys to fix their fuckups, they haven't been around much." Bobby stated when he folded his arms across his chest as he dared Dean to argue.

Dean sighed as he scrubbed at his face with one hand while he asked, "What do you suggest we do?"

"I've got an idea for a banishing spell I'm working on. I'm translating an old Gaelic text to Japanese and combining two spells, one Gaelic and the other Japanese to permanently remove the problem. It will have to be said in Japanese to work I think. But it should be finished later today. I just have a couple of kinks to work out." Bobby informed him as he set the book from his lap onto the desk.

"How long you been working on it, Bobby?" Dean asked as he thought how Bobby never ceased to amaze him. He'd come up with a Japanese obscure something to get rid of that pissed off spirit or was that for the sickness itself when Dean had caught ghost sickness? He was trying to remember when Bobby interrupted his thoughts.

"Since Sam made a reappearance that day here in the library. Kitty is sending one book in particular that has the whole Japanese spell. I'm doing this from memory. I just want it to be right." Bobby said quietly as he picked up his coffee again.

"What about Cas?" Dean asked as he watched Bobby.

"What about him, we just need to protect you boys…" Bobby asked as he looked at Dean over the lip of his cup.

"Bobby." Dean said with a you might be over reacting tone.

"Dean, I'm not risking you. If it comes down between you, I'll take out Sam. It's what Sammy would want." Bobby raised his voice as he started to get aggravated again.

"Bobby. Tha… He's my brother." Dean said softly.

"Dean, we will save him. But we have to be prepared to protect him if there is even a small chance…" Bobby stated firmly.

Sammy stumbled to a stop on the stairs, "_Dean, I'm not risking you. If it comes down between you, I'll take out Sam_…" Sammy heard Bobby say… _Oh, god, what did I do_? Sammy wondered in a panic. _Did I hurt Dean again_?

Sammy didn't wait to hear more, he wouldn't put that burden on Dean. He had done that before and it had nearly destroyed them… _Dean_. He'd take care of it this time. He snuck out the back door as he made sure it closed soundless behind him.

If Bobby felt he was a threat… At least he was willing to protect Dean from him… _Dean, I'm not risking you. If it comes down between you, I'll take out Sam. _Sammy nodded, he was okay with that, but knew Dean wouldn't be_. _So, he would do his part this time and end the danger once and for all_._

The impala was unlocked just like he knew it would be. Dean had been so mad he hadn't locked her back up. He went to the driver's side and opened the door. He reached under the seat to pull out Dean's nine. He lightly tossed it in his hand, feeling reassurance in the weightiness of it. He waist banded it before he closed the door quietly. It didn't close all the way but he didn't bother to; it would make too much noise for that.

He looked around. He didn't want to do it on Bobby's property. He thought about the meadow back in the woods behind the house. He always liked that spot as a kid. He wasn't sure if it would be a place Dean would remember let alone think to look.

He headed that way. About halfway there he heard something behind him. He turned to see Boo had followed him. He pointed past her as he said firmly, "Go home. You can't go where I'm going."

She meowed and rubbed up against his legs as she circled him.

He smiled sadly down at her as he dropped his hand, "You have to go back. Go to Dean."

She looked up at him meowed once and took off at a run.

Sammy stared at her oddly saddened by her quick abandonment.

He slowly turned back and proceeded on towards the meadow.

Right after Dean and Bobby started talking; a few minutes after Sammy had went around the house a moving truck arrived it honked as it came up the drive.

Dean went to look out the living room window as he asked, "Hey, Bobby. How big was that lady's library collection?"

"At least as big as mine. She's a lot older than me… a little bigger maybe." Bobby said distractedly still looking at his notes as he picked his book back up to compare with his notes.

"I think you better rethink that, old man. I don't think we made enough shelves." Dean chuckled as he headed for the front door.

Bobby dropped his book on top of his notes on the desk as he became instantly interested he made a beeline for the front door.

Rumy II had them stopped at the back of their truck not letting them any closer. Bobby walked over and placed a hand on his head, causing him to stop immediately and sit, staring and drooling at the delivery men.

"Looking for a Mr. Robert Singer." The tall one said as he glanced at his clipboard and then back at them.

"That'd be me. Did she give you a package as well?" Bobby asked as he wasted no time getting to the point.

The short guy handed Bobby a small box as the other one handed the clipboard to Bobby. "Here is a list of all the boxes, they are numbered. You can check off them as we unload. That way you know you have all of them." He pointed at the box in Bobby's hand, "That one is box number one."

Bobby took the clipboard and shuffled through the pages until he found the last page.

Dean whistled as he read over Bobby's shoulder, "You have got to be kidding me where the hell are we going to put all that? 347 boxes… holy shit, Bobby…"

Bobby glared at him as the tall guy asked, "Where do you want them?"

Bobby turned as he told the guy, "Follow me and I'll show where to start putting them."

Dean was headed for the house himself when he saw Sammy's cat come around the corner. He waited for Sammy to follow, but by the time the cat was halfway to him, Sammy was still nowhere to be seen. _Huh._

The cat spotted Dean and ran the rest of the way to him launching itself towards Dean's chest.

"Whoa… what the hell?" He muttered as he grabbed the cat and looked at it. It was meowing in almost a distressed way. _Weird_. Dean thought as the cat pushed off Dean's chest with its paws and ran to the side of the house.

Dean hissed as the claws dug in. _That's going to leave marks_…

It looked back as it stopped to stare at Dean.

Dean stopped rubbing his chest and stared back… _What did the damn thing want_?

**TBC**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer**: Still not mine... (sigh) I try really hard to play nice... (holds hands behind back, shrugging and shuffling feet, cutting eyes up shared with a wicked grin) but what's the fun in that?

**NOTE**: Stupid freakin' internet! Had this all edited and ready to post and then... it quit working and I lost all the changes! ****, ***** and ****! UGH! Thanks for all the awesome reviews! They keep me going even with writer's block (next story, not this one, but just as important)... Thanks as well to favs and alerts. This is an amazing experience!

Chapter 26

Dean started to feel an overwhelming sense of unease accompanied by goose bumps that slammed into him as he turned and ran for the house. He rushed past startled movers and an even more interested Bobby as he scrambled down the stairs. _Please, let him be here… _he muttered in his head_. _But just as the rising anxiety had warned; he wasn't in the panic room_. _

He stumbled as he turned sharply to race back up the stairs. _Where was his little brother_? He wondered as he tripped into the living room he yelled at Bobby, "Have you seen Sammy?"

Bobby who surrounded by stacks and rows of boxes looked up from his clipboard; startled by the panic in Dean's voice as he told him, "No, not since last night. Why?"

"He's not downstairs and the cat is…" He stopped in the middle of his sentence and raced outside to the impala. He immediately spotted the driver's door had been left ajar. Someone had been in the car and he just knew that someone had been Sammy. As he yanked the door open he stood staring into his baby while he tried to absorb an answer to what was going on just by looking at her interior.

The cat jumped in and went straight for under the driver's seat. He made a grab for her as he told her angrily. "I don't have time for this. You…" He stopped as he felt or more accurately didn't feel his nine under the seat where he'd left it. "_Fuck_!" he snarled as he felt around again just to be sure. Nope it was gone. He pulled his hand back out from under the seat to raise it up to rub vigorously at his temple as he tried to think. _Where would he go?_

He was surprised to find the cat sitting in his seat as she stared at him. "Fuck… you need a bell." Dean moved his hand from his temple through his hair as he asked the cat with a little bit sarcasm mixed with a hint of panic, "Alright, Lassie… where is he?"

She tilted her head and meowed as she jumped down. She looked back like she was waiting on him. _They were going to laugh their asses off when they found out about this_… he thought as he chased after the cat. He had a fleeting thought that he didn't remember if he shut the impala's door.

The cat streaked across the yard as she dodged past the dog and dashed behind the house.

Dean chased after the cat as he tried to keep it in sight while it raced to the back fence; it didn't stop but continued on past the fence and through the trees. He followed as he trusted it to take him to Sammy. He would worry about how idiototic that sounded later now he had to get to Sammy. He wasn't sure how he knew this; he just did. It was as simple as breathing. He'd missed that closeness of knowing when they needed each other. They continued on for what seemed like hours before a clearing came into view.

"Oh, shit…" Dean muttered; he remembered this place. The used to play target… He skidded to a halt and looked frantically around.

Way across on the other side of the meadow he spotted Sammy.

Sammy stood facing him as he held Dean's nine as he just stared down at it.

Dean began to run not daring to call out because he was too far away to get to Sammy if he tried to use the gun…

_What the hell had happened between last night and this morning_? It felt like one of those slow motion cartoons where you run and run and never get anywhere. When he was less than twenty feet away Sammy must have heard the rustling of the grass because he looked up.

Sammy held up a hand to tell Dean to stop as he said firmly. "Just stay back, D."

Dean slowed down and stopped at about ten feet away. "You want to tell me why the cat felt it was necessary to drag my ass out here? _Tell me_… no, convince me that you're not about to do something stupid…" He demanded as his panic took full control when he stared his younger brother down.

Sammy looked down at the gun as he whispered, "It has to be done." He shook his head sadly as he told Dean, "I'm not asking you to do it this time." Then he looked Dean in the eye as he told him firmly, "I'll handle it." Then he dropped his gaze back to the gun.

"You'll handle…" Dean repeated with a confused frown. His breath caught in his throat as he realized just what Sammy was saying, "No, you won't have me do it… you'll just use my gun." Dean finally snapped as he took one step forward.

Sammy looked up startled as he replied, " I couldn't ask you for mine, it was in the trunk and you had the keys."

Dean frowned and took another step closer.

Sammy took a step back as he told his brother, "Dean… I'm not letting you or Bobby have the guilt of taking care of this… just go."

"What the hell are you talking about, Sammy?" Dean asked as he stated, "Bobby and I are working on something to fix this once an for all." Dean was still overwhelmed with confusion as to where this was coming from even as his panic was edging towards anger.

"So am I." Sammy said flatly still looking down at the gun.

Dean noticed Sammy's hand movements as his grip tightened on the grip and his index finger moved towards the trigger. Dean took a couple of quick steps forward.

Sammy raised the gun a couple of inches.

"Hey… whoa, Sammy." Dean tried again, "Come on, man. You'd do this in front of me?" Dean asked as he stared at Sammy watching as a pained expression crossed his face.

Sammy sighed as he looked at Dean with such sadness when he told Dean, "You weren't suppose to be here… Bobby's right, D."

Dean shook his head in confusion as he tried to comprehend the direction of the conversation while he questioned, "What? Bobby's right about what?"

"Taking me out before I hurt you. He's right to pick you." Sammy said softly as he looked down wishing the tears would go the fuck away.

Dean blinked before he worked out in his head just what Sammy could possibly be talking about. "No, Sammy…" Dean shook his head rapidly in denial before he continued, "You heard the conversation this morning? That's what this is?" He inquired.

Sammy nodded as he stepped back another step.

"Sammy, you misunderstood something… didn't hear all of it… I don't know." Dean shrugged helplessly as he said earnestly, "But I swear to you…" Dean held out his hand towards Sammy, "He was talking about Sam… _not you_." Dean finished softly as he stepped closer.

"Dean… this is a way I can guarantee he doesn't come back." Sammy said with a shake of his head as the gun inched up again.

Dean got mad, yeah, he was scared that he was about to loose… "Samuel Winchester. You give me that gun right now." He used his best imitation of John's voice that he could muster up in his panic as he held his hand out palm up. "We will fix this together… you gotta give me that, bro." Dean said his eyes bright with unshed tears.

Sammy stared at Dean as one hand went up to his temple he said, "I don't want to hur…" Sammy stopped as his other hand started to shake and the gun moved to point at Dean's chest, then jerked away and then back again.

Dean searchingly asked, "Sammy?" He stepped closer as he placed a hand on Sammy's arm.

"Dean…" Sam smiled as he drawled, "I think I'm definitely done with this game." He stated flatly as he jerked himself out of Dean's grasp.

"Sam. I thought you'd hightailed it for higher ground." Dean smirked as he stopped and held his hands up in surrender.

"No. It's called biding my time. But old Sammy was about to take us out and I can't have that." Sam stated emotionlessly with a shrug.

Dean smiled coldly at Sam as he replied firmly, "You can't beat us."

"Yeah? Cause from where I'm standing I already have. Even your Cas couldn't find me." Sam told Dean smugly.

"Yeah well, I will discuss that with him, but first you and I… we need to have that talk I promised you." Dean said as he took a step closer; pointing his index finger, wiggling it between them to emphasize his point.

Sam pulled the slide back to chamber a round.

Dean tried to sound unconcerned as smirked with a shrug. "He won't let you."

"Really? And why is that?" Sam asked interested in Dean's answer.

"Cause he has a soul… he's human and he gives a damn. He'll always win." Dean told Sam with evident belief in what he'd just said.

"That's what his track record says alright." Sam replied sargastically, "Wrong, Dean. It shows that he's weak." Sam waved the gun around as he talked, "He's a loser and it's about time someone gets the job done and does the world a favor by ridding it of one Sammy Winchester." He watched Dean with cold empty eyes, "I can take care of that." Sam said smugly.

"You son-of-a-bi…" Dean snarled only too be interrupted by Sam.

"Careful, that's your mother you're talking about too." Sam said with a smirk.

"I. Will. Kill. You." Dean growled infuriated as he glared at Sam.

"But can you do it before I kill him?" Sam asked smugly.

Dean started to lunge at Sam. He was going to take that gun and shove it… _can't do that_… _Sammy. _Dean shook his head to clear it. He needed to concentrate to beat him and then he could get rid of him once and for all. He stared at his feet as he clenched his fists at his side while he tried to control his anger and his breathing.

Sam went still for a brief moment and Dean heard a soft, " I'm sorry; love you jerk."

Dean jerked his head up to look at Sammy; he saw the love, sadness and regret in that split second before he launched himself at his little brother. "NO!" Dean screamed as he saw Sammy raise the gun towards his own temple; at the same time Dean reached for the hand that held the gun. He saw it jerk up just as it went off. _Too little, too late _he thought hysterically_._

**TBC**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer**: I still don't own them... but after last night ep I want them even more! Don't you agree?

**NOTE**: Thank you so much for all those awesome reviews! Totally fuel for the writer! Premium! I appreciate the not wanting to kill me for the last chap! Hope you all enjoy! Thanks for the favs and alerts as well.

Chapter 27

As the gunshot echoed through the meadow Sammy's hand dropped the gun as it fell from his limp fingers Dean saw blood, lots of blood; _too much_... He thought wildly, _I won't be sick. I won't be_… it seemed to take forever to get to Sammy as he fell backward and hit the ground hard.

He wasn't moving when Dean reached him as he dove down beside his brother he lifted Sammy's bloody head into his lap. He felt like it took an eternity to reach Sammy but in actuallity it only took a few seconds. His fingers felt no blood on the back part of Sammy's head. Dean knew he needed to open his eyes to look, _he had to see_. He fought down the bile threatening to make an appearance.

Finally taking a deep breath, he peeked through barely open eyes as he raised Sammy's head up and leaned down. _Oh, god_… Dean's tears went unnoticed as he thanked god_, no exit wound from the back_. That left lodged or graze, a chance at life. God how he hoped it was the second one. As he pushed Sammy's hair out of the way he looked at the crease of blood along Sammy's temple. All the blood was along the one side of his head. Dean's lower lip trembled as he bit it to keep the sob of relief in. A grazed temple was something they could live with... deal with; together.

He knew that he had Sam to thank, _like that was going to __happen_ he thought randomly, for stopping Sammy from taking himself out of the equation. Sammy did it to prevent Dean from having to do it, but knowing why didn't make him feel any better. _He should have trusted me to fix this_, Dean reflected. _Sammy still had the bandages on his wrists from his last episode_, Dean thought sadly as he rubbed an index finger across Sammy's wrist and now they had this to deal with. God, _he needed to focus_.

"Cas." Dean tried to be loud so he'd be heard, but his voice cracked as he struggled to keep his emotions in check.

His hands shook as he tried to hold Sammy and keep his hair out of his eyes. _"Sammy_…" He murmured as he stared at Sammy.

Cas appeared instantly as he told Dean testily, "Yes Dean? I'm busy."

Dean snarled as his temper flared, "I don't give a rat's ass! You told me Sam was not here anymore. Well, he just tried to kill me and Sammy decided to kill himself to save me. I'm beyond pissed Cas!"

Cas frowned as he grabbed Dean's arm and flashed them to the panic room. Cas had landed them on a cot in the same position they were on the ground, causing Dean to quickly readjust his position to keep from falling off the bed.

Dean glared at him as settled Sammy on the cot. "I have to… I need you to go upstairs… _No_, I need you to walk upstairs and get Bobby, tell him I need him immediately. You may need to help those guys up there. Just make sure that nothing is left on that truck. All the boxes are brought in. Can you do that for me?" Dean asked as he tried again to reign in his emotions.

Cas nodded as he walked out.

Dean looked down at his bloody shirt and hands then quickly pulled off his button up to wad it up as he pressed it to Sammy's head while he told him. "Of all the dumbass… bullshit things to do…" Dean sighed as he tried to mask his hurt and anger before he continued, "When I get this fixed I am so kicking your ass…" But the love that held an under shadow of worry, sadness and desperation in Dean's eyes told a different story. There was definitely hugs on the horizon, even if Dean wouldn't admit it.

Dean heard Bobby long before he saw him. He heard him thunder down the stairs as he he let go a string of curses that would have made a sailor proud. He barreled into the room as he bellowed, "Dean, what the hell happened?"

Dean glanced up quickly at Bobby as he asked in a quiet voice, "Don't we have guests?"

"No, they left awhile ago… I've been working that ban…" Bobby started to say.

Dean shook his head and Bobby stopped.

"Where's Cas?" Dean asked as he suddenly took notice he was missing.

"Said he had to go. He'd be back later to fix Sammy." Bobby said as he came closer he asked again, "What happened?"

"Apparently, Sammy heard us talking this morning and misunderstood. He decided to take himself out so we wouldn't have to." Dean looked down at Sammy again brushing back a wild strand of hair.

"I don't mean to sound cold, but Sammy's as good a shot as you. How'd he miss one so close?" Bobby asked as he watched Dean for a reaction.

"Sam didn't want to die and pulled it up at the last second." Dean said flatly, like it wasn't killing him inside.

Bobby commented softly, "So Sam and Sammy are once again in a fight for control. I thought he was gone, isn't that what Cas said?" his frown grew as he asked.

"Cas, I don't know why he couldn't tell." Dean stated as he looked up at Bobby. "But you weren't certain and you acted accordingly. You've been…" Dean said but stopped as looked at Sammy, then back up as he asked, "Is it done?"

"We weren't certain and almost… a few more hours." Bobby answered as he went outside the panic room and ran some water to wet down a washcloth. As he came back in he handed it to Dean and asked. "What's the game plan?"

"Finish upstairs… I'll get Cas down here and tie his wings in knots if I have to to get answers from him. We end it here." Dean finished firmly as he cleaned the gash. "If I can't get Cas back down here, I'll need to stitch this soon."

Bobby nodded and left the room; Dean could hear him rushing back upstairs, knowing he was headed straight back to the books to finish the spell helped ease the tension a little.

Dean looked up as he called out, "Cas…" He waited a few seconds before he repeated, "Castiel."

Cas appeared with a sigh as he told Dean in the closest thing to cranky he'd ever used, "Did Bobby not tell you I am busy?" with the withering look Dean gave Cas he switched topics, "What do you need Dean?"

"Can you heal this?" Dean asked lifting the wet rag.

"That is all you called me for?" Cas asked as he took a step closer to get a good look at Sammy.

Dean was instantly irate, _just add Cas, _"Fuck, no… it's not _all _I called you for. My brother is laid out here with a gunshot wound to the head because you." Dean pointed a accusing finger at Cas as he yelled, "_told me Sam was gone_. He isn't. So you tell me how you're going to fix this mess?" Dean finished in a snarl, his fear once again coming out as anger.

Cas reached over and he touched Sammy with a finger causing the gash to disappear even as it left a new pink scar.

"Why a scar?" Dean asked, confused by that simple gesture.

"To remind him his life is too important to take that way." Cas answered. Cas cleared his throat as he told Dean in a uncomfortable tone as he admitted, "I am unsure why I could not tell he was hid from me and not gone." He touched Sammy again with two fingers this time and closed his eyes; he frowned as he changed from two fingers to his palm on Sammy's forehead.

"What? What's the matter?" Dean asked worriedly. "Tell me what is…"

"Hush, Dean. I can not concentrate." Cas looked at him before closing his eyes again and tilted his head as if listening to something only he could hear.

Dean started to fidget nervously as he waited for Cas to tell him what else was wrong with his little brother.

**TBC**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer**: WELL... I have learned a very disturbing fact... I don't own supernatural. Never have and never will... (sob) LOL!

**NOTE**: Thanks so much for the reviews, guys! Very uplifting! I enjoy them very much! Did everyone love the last ep? I did... I think maybe they are reading the fanfictions! They gave us a emotion infested Dean! YEAH! And next week. Looked it up, my kid erased my ep before I got to see next weeks preview. Seriously, how many stories are out there where Dean and Sam change places with Jensen and Jared? Just sayin'...

Chapter 28

Cas continued in silence for several minutes more.

Dean's knee began to bounce harder and harder as he tried his level best to keep quiet for Cas to do what he needed to.

Finally, Cas looked up his eyes unreadable as he stepped away from Sammy. He turned and walked out the door towards the stairs without a word to Dean.

Dean sat in stunned surprise for a few seconds before he stood and raced after Cas. He caught up with him at the bottom of the stairs. Dean swung Cas around to face him by one arm before he snapped, _"What the hell, Cas?"_

Cas looked down where Dean had a solid grip on his arm as he frowned he looked back up at Dean to say, "I didn't think you wanted to chance either one of them hearing us. Was I wrong?"

Dean let go as he looked down while he took a deep breath and then looked back up at Cas when he asked, "What is going on? How do I fix this?" Even to himself he sounded a little desperate; not that he gave a shit at the moment.

Cas took in a deep breath before he said softly, "Sammy is going to have to fight if he wants to stay; to win. Sam wants control very badly and he's willing to be ruthless to get it. Sammy has to be as well."

Dean's whole body went cold with fear for his little brother as he told Cas in a shaky voice, "Sammy's not ruthless."

Cas hesitated a second and then stated bluntly, "Then he will loose…" He gave Dean a look of extreme sadness before he added, "You need to prepare to give him up."

Dean punched Cas in the face before he even thought about it as he snarled, "This is our thanks for saving the world…" He shook his head in wonder at the stupidity of Cas' suggestion that he give up on Sammy again; been there done that, "Do you not know me at all?" He asked then he turned away from Cas without an answer as he stormed back to Sammy.

As he sat down he said in his best 'Winchester military order to be followed come hell or high water' voice, "_Samuel Winchester_… you _will_ remember what we talked about upstairs and fight… _you will win_. Nothing else is acceptable, you understand me?" Then he ruined the military moment when he gently pushed hair off Sammy's forehead and away from his closed eyes.

Sam smirked at Sammy as he taunted him, "He thinks you can still beat me."

Sammy watched Sam as he waited for his next move, "I can."

Sam snorted as he told Sammy, "Yeah, but you won't. You don't have the guts to go out in the big bad world and do what has to be done to be a man and you don't have what he takes to overcome the shit that's rolling around in here to beat me."

"What? Kill innocent people?" Sammy retorted angrily.

"If necessary. You just don't have the balls for it." Sam snarled as he started to circle Sammy. "I am going to enjoy ending you." Sam smiled as he pointed at Sammy.

Sammy smiled back as he told his evil version of himself, "You can't win, because even if you _end me _as you put it… Dean _will_ end you."

"Not if he doesn't realize I'm not you. I've been watching you; I think I have it down now…" Sam said as his voice turned sarcastic, "Boo-who… poor me… I can't be evil…I just can't…" he grinned as he pretended to wipe a tear away.

"You're a bastard you know that?" Sammy asked. Suddenly he stopped to listen as he heard Dean's tone of voice change as he begged Sammy to fight. Sammy decided right then he had to because if he died Dean would follow; he did know Dean well enough to know that was true. He was so willing to die to save Dean… shouldn't he be just as willing to live to save his big brother? Shit… He owed Dean one hell of an apology; Dean didn't ask much for himself so if he…

Sam took that exact moment to take advantage of the distraction and attack Sammy. As he launched himself at Sammy and they rolled together onto the floor he asked Sammy, "Do you think if one of us dies in here… we die out there?"

Sammy growled as he commented, "I don't know how about we test that? You go first." But first things first; he had to beat Sam. He put Sam in a headlock as he squeezed. He hadn't sparred for years with Dean for nothing he knew he could win. He pulled Sam into a kneeling position from behind. Rear naked choke, a term that had developed in MMA. Dean had freaking loved it when they first started using the term in describing the position in a fight, thought it was funny as hell. To him it was simply a choke hold.

"After you." Sam gasped out, taking his free hand and trying to punch Sammy in the nose to dislodge him from behind him. All he managed was a glancing blow that caused a small trickle of blood to run down to touch Sammy's lip.

Sammy tightened his hold, as Sam suddenly felt light headed he grew desperate. "No," he whispered, "We can work something out… I could be in charge on the days that end in 'y' and you can have the rest…"

Sammy laughed as he replied, "How about… I'll be in charge on those days and you just go the fuck away."

"It not going to be that easy, Samuel…" Sam growled as he tried to find a way to bring air into his lungs.

"No it's not." Sammy agreed as he tried to push Sam's head further across his arm to cut off his air completely.

In desperation Sam threw his hand back a couple of times as he tried to hit Sammy in the face. He decided to pull his hair maybe that would accomplish something. He accidentally hit Sammy in the eye which caused instant tears and a reflexive loosing of the arm around his throat. He was then able to turn and throw a feeble punch at Sammy's gut.

Sammy tumbled backwards as he tried to scramble away from Sam's reach until he was able to see again. He stumbled to a standing position.

Sam rested on his knees as he watched Sammy while he tried to catch his breath.

Sammy was now pissed as he snarled, "You fucking piece of shit! You can't win unless you fight dirty, is that what you're trying to show me?"

Sam chuckled as he retorted, "If that's what it takes; but that's funny. You trying to talk all big and bad. Why don't you leave that shit to the big boys huh, Sammy?"

"Meaning you? Dean can wipe the floor with you with one hand tied behind his back." Sammy bragged as he watched Sam.

"Yeah, but can you? You are the one that has to fight me… _beat me_." Sam stated when the world had stopped fading in and out and he finally felt like he had enough air.

"I'm going to." Sammy stated as the reactive tears from the jab in the one eye had slowed.

"I guess we'll find out, huh?" Sam stated as he stood to his feet and then he started once again to move toward Sammy.

Sammy watched him as he closed in then when Sam was close enough; Sammy struck. He swept his leg out knocking Sam's feet out from under him while he shoved him back by his chest at the same time.

Sam snatched at Sammy's wrists managing to grab one as he went down pulling Sammy down with him.

**TBC**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything supernatural... unless you count my 100 year old schoolhouse... and technically it's not supernatural... that would be the ghosts and you can't really own ghosts so... sheez, nevermind. Do you think they would get rid of my ghosts? yeah, well, me neither... (I do sometimes wonder if they actually get fan mail asking them to come fix problems -ghost or otherwise) I know, I know... I have too much time on my hands... LOL.

**NOTE**: Thanks so much for the awesome reviews! Love them! Also thanks for the H2H reviews! Also for favs and alerts! Loved the last ep and next Fridays should be hilarious! How many others think the writers are reading Fanfiction? (You know they make references to it on several eps.) Just sayin'...

Chapter 29

Dean sat beside Sammy as he worried about the various marks and bruises that steadily appeared on Sammy's face, neck and just about his whole body. The bloody nose and not being able to breathe were the worst.

Cas hadn't bothered to answer him so far, Bobby was upstairs and Sammy was still unresponsive. Dean felt alone in this battle or at least in the 'wait on the sidelines' part of the fight. Well, not exactly alone if he counted the cat that from on the other side of the bed was even now staring unblinking at him.

Dean was afraid Sammy was getting the worst of it. Which meant he was about to loose the fight. A cut appeared across Sammy's knuckles at the same time that a cut appeared under his eye; right on the cheekbone. Dean immediately started to clean up the cuts, butterfly stitching them as he tried to concentrate on something other than his little brother kicking his own ass. How could he explain that to anyone and still sound sane?

"Sammy, come on, man. Isn't this getting old? I trained you to take someone out a hell of a lot quicker than this." He told Sammy softly. He was worried even as he said this because Sam would be Sammy's equal. They had the same memories with the same training. But he was afraid Sam might have the advantage by being the ruthless bastard that Dean had found him to be; he would not hesitate to take out Sammy to get what he wanted.

How could he give Sammy the advantage? He chewed his lip as he thought about it. He couldn't see what was happening to give Sammy any tips. This was so hard to be stuck on the sidelines again while he watched his little brother take the hits. It was too reminiscent of Stull. He shivered involuntarily at that memory. He wouldn't survive a second time if it ended badly. There would be no promise to keep; of going to Lisa and Ben to cover up his grief.

Sammy's body jerked and his left hand immediately started to swell and turn purple. As he looked closely Dean could tell instantly that it was broken. It should be ex-rayed… but it would have to wait… he couldn't take him now, not with the battle going on inside him and spontaneous appearance of cuts, bruises and broken bones. They'd take him away and probably lock Dean away for being abusive. Nope, it would have to wait.

Dean stood suddenly feeling like the room was too small; as he started to pace he chewed his lip in frustration. He needed this resolved _now_… This had gone on for far too long.

He started to head towards the door of the panic room when the cat meowed in a different tone… like the tone she'd used when she wanted him to follow her. "What?" he asked not even bothering to be embarrassed this time as he talked to the cat like it was human.

She climbed onto Sammy's chest and pressed her paw down, as she held it there she once again looked back at him and meowed.

"Oh, for the love of… you got to be kidding me. You know no one will believe this." Dean growled at the cat as he started back toward the cot.

"I won't believe what?" Bobby asked as he came into the room looking up from his book and papers.

"Nothing." Dean said, blushing as he walked back over and moved the cat then lifted up the t-shirt to look at Sammy's chest. "Shit." Dean snapped as he saw the bruises on Sammy's chest for the first time. "Tell me you have something…" Dean pleaded as he looked at Bobby with desperation clear in his eyes, "that we can do something now…" he said as he chewed his lip before he said softly, "it doesn't look like he can handle much more."

Bobby sat down his things on the table and then pulled him from the room. "I finished it, but we have to make sure Sam is in control when we start this banishing." Bobby whispered.

"Why?" Dean asked as his concern notched up to its highest level yet.

"Because whoever is in charge when this starts is the one that will get banished…" Bobby looked Dean in the eye as he continued, "I don't know how him suddenly being gone will affect Sammy. He is something I think may have always been there so to suddenly not… I just don't know." Bobby said taking off his cap to run hands through his hair.

"I don't care. It has to be better than this." Dean said as he ran a hand through his own hair.

"But you know what Sam was like without his other half. He was heartless." Bobby stated as he wondered how to explain to Dean in a way that adequately let him know what they were risking by going forward with the banishment. He plopped his hat back on his head.

"Yeah, but that's not Sammy. He won't turn that way. That part will be gone." Dean reasoned as he frowned in concentration while he worked out his thoughts.

"Boy, I just want you to be sure this is what you want." Bobby stated as he watched Dean closely.

"I do want this. I want this over so we can go on with our lives." Dean said wearily as he looked Bobby in the eye.

"But I'm saying this may not be a quick solution." Bobby started to try to explain again.

"I understand, now what?" Dean replied as he started to fidget again.

Bobby sighed as he asked, "You sure? I don't know what kind of side affects we will get. As far as I know this has never been tried."

"Yeah, Bobby I am. Let's get it started" Dean finished as he moved back towards the room.

They walked back in and Bobby started to draw symbols on the four walls of the panic room; North, South, East and West. The Symbols were fairly complicated and he kept referring to an old book with tattered edges that looked like it had been around a long time. Then he drew a circle around the cot and started to fill it in. They hadn't spoken since they had walked back into the room.

Finally after the last symbol in the circle had been drawn Bobby stood. He looked at Dean and asked once again, "You sure?"

Then he stepped out of the circle as he stared Dean in the eye, "Once we start we have to finish it." Bobby whispered.

Dean smiled wanly at Bobby as he nodded to let Bobby know he understood and gave him the go ahead to proceed.

Bobby sighed and moved back outside the room only to return almost immediately with a bowl of herbs and a handwritten sheet of paper. Walking over to the small table, he lit the herbs and said a short prayer of protection first in Gaelic, then in Japanese. As he turned he looked at Dean and then he stared at Sammy. He added a silent prayer in English just to be sure.

Sam looked down at Sammy's unconscious body as he told him, "I win you bastard. I'm going topside to pretend to be you and they will make you disappear and I get the prize." He gave him another kick to the side, and then faded away to leave Sammy out cold on the floor of his mind.

Just when Bobby walked over to stand by Dean to wait for one of them to wake up Sammy moaned. Dean immediately sat down beside Sammy taking his uninjured hand as he said softly, "Little brother… come on open those eyes for me."

Sammy moaned again as he looked up at Dean he gave a small smile as he whispered, "D…"

Dean looked at Bobby as he thought _this is bad_… Sammy was not the one they needed.

Sammy continued to smile at Dean as he asked him, "Have the books gotten here?"

Dean blinked a couple of times before he finally said, "Yeah, there all upstairs waiting for you to shelve in your ocd filing system you made up…"

"Huh?" Sammy looked confused right before he said hastily, "Oh, yeah… right." as he chuckled and gave a quick look around.

The cat jumped up on the side of the bed and skidded to a stop as she stared at Sammy.

Sammy stuck his hand out and called softly, "Boo…"

Boo slapped at his hand as she arched her back and hissed at him.

Dean stood up as he took a step backward out of the circle.

**TBC**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer**: I do not own, they are not mine and I cannot steal them! I _CAN _borrow them (if I'm really really quiet), play with them and put them back before any one knows. I used to do it all the time with my older sister's barbies. Course sometimes they had on the wrong clothes, were missing hair or on occasion an arm. BUT I always returned them. That's the important part, right? LOL

**NOTE**: Thank you so much for all the continued support with the reviews! Love them and adore all of you!(huggs)))) As always love to see favs and alerts! And Reviews, I didn't forget to say I love to see them, too? lol

Chapter 30

The expression on Sam's face blanked as he glared at the cat. "Well I hate the little bitch too." and then he turned to look at Dean as he told him, "You aren't going to win this war, you know."

"Really?" Dean commented as he waited for Sam to realize he was trapped in the circle. Because he so wasn't going anyway with Sammy's body. Over his dead body would he let that happen.

"Yeah, pathetic little Sammy thinks the sun and moon rises out of your ass. That you can't be beat…" Sam snarled as he sat up he placed a hand on each side of the cot, clenching the sides in his anger.

"He is the smart one out of you two." Dean commented sarcastically as he grinned at Sam.

"And yet he is the one not here." Sam snapped right back with a smirk.

Dean nodded slightly to Bobby who was out of Sam's line of sight while still keeping eye contact with Sam.

Sam noticed the nod and glanced behind him to see Bobby holding a sheet of paper. "What the hell do you think?" He growled.

Bobby started speaking in Japanese completely ignoring that Sam was saying anything. After just a couple of words Sam grabbed at his chest and gasped, "What the hell are you doing?"

Dean allowed himself a smirk of his own as he commented, "Winning. It's a great feeling, huh?"

Sam cried out as his back arched in spasms of pain before he collapsed back onto the bed groaning while he continued to clutch at his chest.

Cas suddenly appeared out of nowhere in the doorway of the panic room. "Stop." He ordered loudly as he looked at Dean, "I need to speak with you."

Dean looked at Bobby and then glanced down uncaring at Sam as he walked past. As he stepped outside the door he asked, "_Now Cas_… Now you decide to show up? Where were you when I kept calling you? Or when we ran out of time because Sammy was about to loose the battle?"

"Tibet…" Cas stated simply looking unblinking at him.

Dean stopped and stared before he mumbled, "Excuse me?"

"You asked me where I was. I told you… Tibet." Cas said matter of factly, tilting his head slightly as he watched Dean.

"What the hell were you doing in Tibet?" Dean asked as he shook his head in wonder, the guy... angel never ceased to amaze him.

"I was speaking with the monks there. They told me how to fix Sammy." Cas informed him.

Dean raised his eyebrows as he asked, "And how do they know how… _No_, never mind… So now you know how to fix this?" Dean asked his voice skeptical.

"Yes. He will fix this." Cas commented calmly.

Dean's eyes followed to where Cas was pointing, it looked like a monk was sitting stone like on the stairs.

"You stole a monk… isn't that a sin or something?" Dean said incredulously.

"No, I didn't steal him." Cas stated indignantly, before he admitted, "I borrowed him." Cas smiled slightly at the thought of Dean's past borrowing, "I will take him back when we are done." Cas told him flatly.

"Oh, well that's different." Dean said sarcastically.

"That's what I said." Cas agreed. "He will fix this. If you get rid of Sam… you will loose the balance in Sammy. You see how Sam is without Sammy. For Sammy not to have…" Cas tried to explain but Dean interrupted.

"He can't stay." Dean stated in a firm voice as he shook his head no. "They both can't have the same body." Dean declared as he refused to even entertain the idea.

"That is why he is here." Cas said as he again pointed at the monk. "He will merge the two parts back to one as it should be. It will be better. It was already starting…" Cas tried again.

"And what personality will be dominant; the one in charge?" Dean demanded to know as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"It should be Sammy, the older of the two." Cas stated as he focused his attention back on Dean.

"Should be… you can't guarantee it?" Dean stared at Cas as he waited for the answer.

"No." Cas admitted as he glanced at his feet.

"Then we continue the way we were with Bobby's…" Dean said as he dropped his hands to his side he turned to walk away from Cas.

The monk while they had been busy talking had walked past them and into the room unnoticed by either one.

When Dean heard Sam scream again he turned and raced back into the room. The monk had one hand on Sam's head and the other hand on his chest. He was chanting with his eyes closed. Dean stepped forward to stop him when Bobby laid a hand on his shoulder.

"He's going to help Sammy." Bobby said softly.

"You know what he's doing?" Dean asked as he let Bobby hold him in place.

"Yes, he explained to me what he needed to do." Bobby said softly as he looked Dean in the eye to let him see he was being truthful with him.

"But I thought we couldn't stop the banishing once we started? What does that mean for Sammy?" Dean asked worriedly as he bit his lower lip.

"We had barely gotten started, maybe it will be okay. We will have to wait and see. Maybe the monk will be able to fix it as well." Bobby said with what he tried to make sound like confidence.

Dean sighed as he told Bobby tiredly, "I'm just so tired of the yo-yo ride of not knowing if we can move on with our lives or if we loose it all to another twist of fate. This swinging in the wind is getting old. Ya know?"

Bobby gave Dean's shoulder a reassurance squeeze.

The said monk hadn't stopped his chant or moved since he started his merging of the two Sams.

Sam struggled under the hands of the monk as he tried to move away from them he cried out in fear before he finally fell silent.

The monk continued on for another two hours without a break which by that point Dean was ready to climb the walls.

"Cas, how much longer?" Dean asked as he felt the tension creep into his veins and slide into his muscles. His body coiled up into a position to spring on anything that messed with his world at that particular moment.

Cas looked at Dean as he studied him he thought about how to answer the question, "As long as it takes to convince Sam to merge back where he belongs." was the answer he settled on.

Dean glared at Cas as he snapped, "So, we could be here… God knows how long?"

"Yes, God does know how long… would you like me to ask him?" Cas asked as he stood up straighter.

Dean threw up his hands up and stormed out of the room as he snarled, "Oh, for the love of…" He broke off into some mumbled growl without any recognizable words.

Cas started to follow but stopped when Bobby laid a hand on his arm, "I'll go talk to him. You make sure nothing happens to that boy." Bobby said as he pointed at Sammy he walked out the door.

"Dean?" Bobby looked around for Dean.

"Yeah?" Dean answered from the top stair as he held his head in his hands he didn't even bother to look up.

"Sammy's going to be ok." Bobby told Dean firmly as he looked up at him.

"How do you know that?" Dean asked as he raised his head from his hands and looked down at Bobby.

"Because he's a Winchester." Bobby said with a grin.

"That's not a guarantee for anything." Dean told him tiredly.

"But it does mean he's one damn stubborn son of a buck." Bobby stated firmly as he placed a hand on the rail to the stairs.

Dean shook his head as he stood and came back down the stairs, "I just need a … we need it to be over, Bobby." Dean said tiredly. "Hasn't it been dragged out long enough?" He asked as he looked Bobby in the eye, "I know Sammy is as tired as I am."

**TBC**

**Story Note: **When I uploaded this chap. it combined sentences that weren't suppose to be, left out words... I don't know what is wrong. UGH! I think I have everything corrected. If something doesn't make sense, please let me know. I will go back, look at it and fix it. Thanks**~ Crissi (iamtryN)**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer**: I won't throw a tantrum, I won't. I won't... don't sound the same as the fairy thing does it? oh, well. Still not mine. Son of biscuits!

**NOTE**: Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement and your comments about the story! The reviews are amazing and wow! Over 200... totally awesome! I never thought I would see that! WOW! Thanks again! Also for the favs and alerts! I will say sorry now for any errors... I spent all day yesterday in bed with sniffles, headaches and chills... ugh! Still feel like my head weighs fifty pounds... so anything confuses... let me know, K? I'll fix... promise... (smile)

Chapter 31

"God knows this and he will reward you for all your sacrifices." Cas stated as he looked at them from the panic room doorway.

"When… in heaven? What if I want mine now? Huh, Cas?" Dean asked angrily before he continued, "I want Sammy back. Whole and happy. He deserves that for everything he's sacrificed to save the world, to save us and to be good enough for God. But no matter what he has done, it was never enough. He was never enough." Dean took a deep breath before he said softly, "But he is for me. I never expected anything from him, except him just being my brother." Dean shook his head as he looked away from Cas then back again to say, "I can't do this anymore Cas… I just can't." Dean finished what he had to say but was left feeling like he was about to break apart.

"Dean, God never gives you more than you can handle." Cas said gently as he stared unblinkingly at Dean.

"Really Cas? Because this…" He spread his arms as his voice cracked when he spoke the words, "This sure feels like more than I can handle."

"I disagree. You are handling everything fine." Cas said unfazed by the glare Dean leveled at him.

Bobby had went back in to check on Sammy as Cas stood staring at Dean.

Cas finally told Dean after a minute or two of watching him, "You are a very strong person, Dean."

Dean shook his head again and walked past Cas back into the room not bothering to answer him.

The monk still hadn't moved and still continued to chant.

Dean looked over at Bobby who shrugged as he continued to sit on the other cot and watch the monk.

As another two hours past Dean was on the other side of the cot as he waited for some kind of sign that maybe they had won. He looked up at Cas as he also watched the monk from the doorway. Dean walked out of the room past Cas and started to pace outside the room.

"You okay, Dean?" Bobby asked as he followed him out.

"I don't know, is Sammy?" Dean asked not slowly in his path through the basement.

Bobby knew what it sounded to him that Dean was implying; How he was depended on how Sammy was. "Dean, I don't know how long this will take, why don't you go find something to eat?" At Dean's glare he amended it to "Or drink… and bring me one?"

Dean nodded as he hurried up the stairs to grab the two beers out of the fridge and race back down the steps to Sammy. As he stared into the room he realized that nothing had changed; except another hour had passed.

As he finished off his beer while leaning against the wall of the panic room Cas turned and once again walked out of the room. Dean followed him out.

Cas went to sit on the bottom step.

Dean walked over and stood looking down at Cas as he loosely held the empty bottle in his hand, "How much longer Cas? Why is it taking so long? It's been over five hours now… how long can that monk continue without a break?"

"As long as it takes." Cas said cryptically.

Dean nodded as he shrugged his shoulders like… _okay,_ then he turned and slung the bottle as hard as he could against the opposite wall. Even as it shattered he stormed back upstairs for another beer. He didn't want to get drunk, but he just wanted to take the edge off a little. Because nothing would fix the stress except Sammy being okay.

Another two hours went by ending with Dean leaning against the wall outside the panic room this time as he slowly thumped the back of his head against the wall. This was slowly torturing him, he thought as he listened to the sing song chanting of the monk. It had been over seven hours and he hadn't slowed down.

An hour ago Bobby had went upstairs to retrieve one of his new books to read while they waited. Dean assumed Cas was hanging around to return the monk when he was done. He was easy, he was in the basement for one reason only; waiting for his brother to wake up.

Another beer, another hour and still nothing. He was really getting the urge to hit something. He was feeling frustration, anxiety and I'm really sick of the waiting all rolled into one. He needed this really had to be over soon or he was going to go postal on someone. He could feel his anger build as he started pacing a little faster as he tried to take his mind off the continous chanting that seemed never ending.

Another hour and he was wondering where his gun was… until he remembered he left it laying in the meadow. Crap, he needed to go get the damn thing before he lost it. But he wasn't sure he wanted to carry it anymore anyway. It had almost ended his little brother. Whatever he decided it would have to wait until after Sammy was awake.

He turned just in time to see Cas disappear. _Shit, where the hell was he zapping off to now_? Dean wondered angrily. The monk was still chanting so he charged over to the door and opened his mouth to yell his question at Bobby when Bobby stopped him cold by telling him, "Cas says to tell you he'd only be a minute. Something about getting something for you."

"Oh… well… okay." Dean said as he walked back in and stood by Bobby, "Do you think it's okay if I sit next to Sammy as long as I don't interrupt the monk?"

"I don't see why not, it might make Sammy help it along to know you are still with him." Bobby said softly.

Dean walked to the opposite side of the bed from the monk and sat down as he tried to barely move the bed.

Cas popped back in holding Dean's gun as if it might bite him by the handle in a two finger hold. He held it towards Dean as he told him, "Here. You were worried about it."

Dean frowned as he sighed and then he muttered, "You were mind-dropping again."

"What?" Cas asked while he sported a confused look on his face again.

"Stop evesdropping on my thoughts." Dean said in a normal voice obviously annoyed.

"Stop thinking so loud." Cas retorted as he dropped the gun in Dean's outstretched hand.

Dean waist banded it as it dawned on him that after over 10 hours of chanting the monk had finally stopped. He turned to stare at the now silent monk. He still hadn't moved. Dean tilted his head as he stared waiting for something from the monk to tell him it was finally over.

Another fifteen minutes of silence and Dean's knee was bouncing so hard it was shaking the whole cot. His thoughts skittered to how he was seriously considering loosing his temper. Maybe that would light a fire under the monk's ass. So Dean was more than a little startled when the monk opened his eyes and stared directly into Dean's eyes. He held Dean's gaze as he told him. "He is balanced now… it takes time to get feet back steady. Be patient."

Then he turned and nodded to Cas. Cas then stepped forward and took a hold of the monk's arm and they both disappeared.

Dean jumped up as he slammed a hand through his hair in frustration as he snapped, "What the fuck does that mean?"

**TBC**


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer**: I do not own, never have and never will… (sob))))) It's so sad… sob, wipe tears away…

**NOTE**: Thank you so much for all the support and encouragement throughout this process! I have loved writing this story and reading the reviews from each chap. The lively back and forth has been awesome! I find this has been a very rewarding venture of actually putting myself out there and letting people for the first time read my stories. I really feel that even in just the short time I've been writing, I have grown. As a person, writer and now a reviewer myself. So I thank you all so much! Thanks to my readers, reviewers and the ones that fav/alerted: Huggs & Thanks!

Chapter 32

"Maybe it just means that it might take Sammy a little while to adjust to this new development." Bobby suggested as he put his book down beside him on the cot. Looking at Dean when he stood up he told him, "I'm going upstairs to get us a couple of sandwiches."

At the look on Dean's face he held up his hand to stop Dean from arguing with him, "You will eat or I will…" Bobby smiled.

Dean interrupted him with a sigh as he told him, "Alright, I'll just sit here with Sammy and wait for him to wake up…"

Dean glanced at Sammy quickly before he said in a low tone, "it seems like all I've been doing is waiting on Sammy to wake up." he kicked his foot against the cement floor.

Bobby smiled at Dean's childish kick at the floor Dean's frustration obvious as Bobby nodded in agreement he replied, "I know, but it's winding down…" At Dean's doubtful look he added, "I promise."

Dean sat back down on the cot and stared at Sammy's face. He studied him as if he could see the answers he wanted if he looked long enough. He just needed Sammy to be okay.

He had to be okay; there was no other option for Dean he realized. That year with Ben and Lisa… there would be no repeat of it or anything like it. This was all he wanted. Brotherhood. But to have that he really needed Sammy... his Sammy.

If they were going to give Sammy back only to dangle him in front of Dean and then yank him away again he wished he'd never known… _god_, Dean thought in a panic, _I didn't mean it_… I don't want… He dropped his head in his hands, he was so tired… too drained to try to reason out what he meant.

He startled when he felt a hand on his elbow, jerking his hands away as he raised his head to stare at his little brother's confused expression.

He held his breath as he waited for Sammy to say something; anything to let him know it was _his_ Sammy. He couldn't forget that Sam had pretended to be Sammy last time. His heart started pounding as he waited to see... one way or another the outcome.

Sammy licked his lips as he croaked out, "Kay?" his concern, love and a twinkle of anxiety shining in Sammy's eyes was like a beacon for Dean. He knew that look, it was classic Sammy; he gravitated towards it like a magnet was pulling him in.

"Well, humpty, you all together again?" Dean attempted to joke but he really wanted a yes answer to that question. Hell, he needed it. He held his breath as he bit his lip while he watched Sammy.

Sammy stared at him a minute before he said slowly, "Good… j-e-r-k."

Dean grinned as he told his little brother, "That's… good, bitch… real good." He pulled Sammy into a hug as he took in a deep breath. Sammy sagged against him causing him to question in panic, "Sammy?"

Sammy nodded into Dean's shoulder as he asked, "O-v-e-r?"

Dean pulled back to look Sammy in the eye. As Dean studied him, he only saw his baby brother… _his Sammy_.

He smiled as he thought that maybe it was finally over.

_To be done with this chapter of their lives... Maybe they could be_… Dean thought silently as he watched Sammy and just let his thoughts flow for a minute.

Just breathe for a few and just be..._ the Winchester boys_. Nothing more than two brothers… together. No fighting destiny, monsters or each other. Dean grinned, _yeah, he could deal with that_.

Boo chose that moment to came into the room as she stopped in the doorway she swished her tail back and forth slowly as she watched them.

Sammy glanced over to the door and smiled as he whispered, "B-b-ooo."

Then he frowned; his frustration evident as he looked at Dean with tears in his eyes. "T-t-a-a-l-kkkk?"

"It's okay. The monk said it would take a little time." Dean stated as he watched the cat come forward to jump onto to the bed and immediately into Sammy's arms. "Yeah, bitch… it's all going to be okay." Dean said softly with a smile as he actually reached over and ran his hand over the cat's head.

Sammy blinked at Dean, surprised he was touching the cat and she was letting him.

Finally Sammy asked, "M-o-n-k?" as his confusion was more than apparent when he looked at Dean with huge puppy-dog eyes.

_Hell, yeah! That was nice to see_, Dean thought with a twinkle in his eye before he shook himself and replied to his brother's question, "Tibetan…" Dean said with a grin. "All the way…" Dean grin grew into a huge classic Dean smile as he patted Sammy's arm, "from Tibet."

Sammy frowned as he asked, "W-h-y?"

Dean shrugged as he told him, "Cas brought him in special delivery just to put you back together." Dean grinned as he told Sammy, "I guess you think that makes you special, huh?" Dean tried to joke but his eyes showed Sammy Dean's answer to his own question. Dean thought he was special… worth it.

Sammy sighed as he told Dean softly, "I'm sorry D. I couldn't see another…"

Dean frowned as he interrupted Sammy to say sharply, "Not now Sammy."

When Sammy jumped from the sharp tone Dean used, Dean sighed as he took another deep breath and tried again, "Sammy we will discuss it… Just. Just not…" Dean shook his hands as he emphasized his words as he tried to stand.

Sammy took one of Dean's hands to stop him and covered it with both of his as he stared at Dean.

"Not now," Dean looked at him with tears in his eyes before he added, "please." his lower lip started to quiver as he tried to hold his emotions in check.

"D, I never wanted to hurt you." Sammy said softly.

Dean nodded as a tear slid down his cheek.

Sammy pulled Dean into a hug as he told his big brother, "Brother, I got to say you look like shit. Really, dude."

"Well, you don't look much better, bitch." Dean muttered into Sammy's shoulder as he took in a shuddering breath.

Sammy smiled as he heard Bobby tramping down the stairs, mixed in with a few colorful curses as something metal bounced down the stairs. The man unknowingly had great timing.

"Bobby we're going to need an extra sandwich…" Dean said cheerfully when Bobby walked in carrying a plate of sandwiches. "Look who's finally awake."

Bobby grinned as he sat the tray on the small table and turning towards them blatantly ignoring the chick flick moment he'd walked in on as he said, "Morning, boy."

"Morning?" Dean questioned with raised eyebrows; surprised that _it was _morning.

"2 am boy… been a long 24." Bobby told him as he smiled at the boys. _They were going to make it_, Bobby thought happily.

**The End**

**Story End NOTE**: Yes that was the last Chapter. I hope the ending worked for everyone and didn't freak you out too much with an abrupt ending after such a long story. It just felt like a good place to end it. I do have a idea for a part II if people are interested. Remember the boys are retiring… what would make them come out of retirement? Let me know peeps what you think. Thanks to everyone for sticking it out through the whole story. Thanks to Hotshow for sticking through the whole process with me and I hope you enjoyed our story! You had ideas for the story that worked out great! ~Crissi


End file.
